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Newest Member: TryingToReform (45458)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just drove to her place
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ItsaClimb - agreed. Everyone told me, don't go there. I had to. 1yr later and I feel as though I need to go back. To make it real again? To see how I'll feel 1yr later? To accept it once more? I don't know.

Being there took away the sting too. When I think of the location where things went down my heart sinks. Once I'm there, it is just a parking lot behind a commercial building and lots of cars. Nothing more, nothing less.

Of course, to picture my W parking next to him and climbing into his car... oh Lord. I can't believe what she did. A responsible, good, upstanding mother and wife and yet doing this in secrecy to get off. ok..I should stop.

[This message edited by 2married2quit at 8:34 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1401 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
UKlady
♀ Member
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((2married2quit))

I'm feeling slightly concerned that this thread I started is proving to be a trigger for some who have read it. I really didn't want to cause any grief - sorry to any of you for whom this has been painful.

It has helped me immensely to know that there are some people who felt compelled to do the same. I haven't told my WH what I did yet - not sure when to. We have a first session with a new MC this evening so maybe it will come out then, who knows? I know he'll have a heart attack over it as he's told me that OW is very dangerous - psychologically - well, you know what? I'm not scared!!!

It's not like I confronted her at all. Just parked several feet from her door and looked - I needed to look and I'm still not exactly sure why but it has helped. I don't need to do that again.


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UKlady - It's okay. I've been triggering like crazy this week and last anyway. I came here to feel normal again.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1401 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe it is a function of reality testing. That the affair trauma provides such an extreme test of the stability of our minds that we have to ensure it really did happen? Sometimes that's how I feel when I revisit the affair details. I generally call it pain shopping but I also wonder if it serves a different purpose. That perhaps we *have* to continue to prove it happened to prove we aren't crazy. Especially for those who went through lots of gaslighting or TT or several ddays. These sorts of physical manifestations of truth help prove reality to us. It DID happen. We didn't make it up. And while it hurts to proven right again and again, it sure as hell is better than being crazy.

Dunno. Just spit ballin.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jan 2011
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather - I think you're really on to something. Just recently since it's the anniversary of DDAY I have found myself obsessing again and taking steps back. I went thru the old phone records again, the old notes, calendar, putting together the time line and even wanting to revisit the location and calling OM. Now I get it, I think you are right. I like to confirm that it is true and I'm not going crazy.

Thank you for that.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1401 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't been on her street, although its near a gym we like to go to. I did googleearth street view her house, however. When she still worked with my fWH, I went to her office to talk with her (I hadn't found SI then!), but she was unexpectedly out


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 879 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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