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User Topic: How an A starts. Some insight.
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So our daughter works a summer job at one of the local factories in town. She's in the office. She's started hanging with the group at the local bar on Thursdays.

She's been telling me about this guy that comes every week with the group. Long story short they were talking and he asked her what my maiden name was. Turns out we graduated together. I remember him.

So he asked DD to ask me if I would want to come up next week so we could catch up.

This sounds harmless, right? After all DD will be right there. Um, NO! First I'd be pissed beyond belief if the situation was reversed and it was someone asking H to come to the bar.

I asked DD if this guy was M. She said yes, but they are trying to gt together enough money for a D.

Either way, I'm NOT going.

I started thinking that this is one of the wys it happens. You start out talking, reminiscing about the past. Gee, I should have dated you. I really thought you were cute then, but I was shy....ya da, ya da, ya da.

Pretty soon you decide to relive the past and try it out to see what would happen. One thing leads to another and there boys and girls, you have a full blown A.

No thank you!

I told her to tell him I'd be happy to come up with my H and introduce the two of them.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 654 | Registered: Jun 2012
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 3 OW my H didn't find on line were all former gf's who he had never slept with. I know for a fact that part of his thinking was that he wanted to find out what it was like with them. He and I have talked about it extensively.

Posts: 1002 | Registered: Jan 2013
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read an article that discusses this very thing:
http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/03/e-motional-affairs-how-facebook-leads-to-infidelity/

Basically, it used to be that we left ex's in the past and had to go REALLY out of our way to get back in contact with them (not even ex's...but that nice guy from chemistry class that you never talked to but thought was cute). Now, it is all RIGHT there, and the ability to bring the past into reality is as easy as clicking a button. You don't even have to go to the post office to send a letter anymore.

I have a FB account, and I am "friends" wish some high school ex's on there, but not with anyone who was significant. And certainly I would never get together alone with someone to catch up. It is a very slippery slope!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a guy who messaged me on fb while JM and I were S the last time. I was absolutely REELING from discovering our false R, and this guy messaged me that he'd always had a crush on me in school. It took every bit of strength I still had to choose not to go down that path. I was devastated and felt rejected and unattractive and this guy was ready to lay it on. I've since blocked him.

After we R, there was another guy who I "dated" for like 2 weeks in the 10th grade. Neither of us had a drivers license and I'm not sure if we ever even kissed. I met his sister thru work and ended up messaging him. We messaged back and forth a few times, and JM read the messages and he BLEW UP. Well, he didn't blow up, but he was blown up by it. It really did hurt him and caused some very difficult MC sessions. I've also since blocked him, and have come to realize that for us, as madhatters, we have to have boundaries ten feet tall, ten feet thick and with armed guards and sentries.

I agree... it is so easy to start sliding down that slope if you are not aware.

<Harry Potter reference> I feel like Mad Eye Moody: "Constant Vigilance!"


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2659 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
NoraLee
♀ Member
Member # 37922
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And that, my friend, is called BOUNDARIES!!!


Me - BW - 44
Him - FWH - 42
Married 16 years
D day - 1/2 truth - July 2012
Full disclosure - August 2012
EA with skanky waitress coworker
3 kids - 14, 16, 21
In R

Posts: 791 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Canada
AussieMum
♀ Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, June 11th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you Flatlined123.

2 of my STBX's OW were old school friends he'd 'reconnected' with on FB. We're talking 1979 here, so 34 years ago And of course they had so much more in common with him than me. He actively sought them out, I was able to read some of his pathetic FB messages to the first one 'wow, look at you! Time has been extremely kind to you!' And off they go....


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 6

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