I want to move on but I don't want to let go. There are things I want in life that I may never get if I leave. I have a family friend telling me to stay, try everything possible to fix us, for our kids. And I get that, that's the only thing keeping my heart here. But hearing this from a friend made me think. Think a lot! Could I live like this? Could I be happy? Then I started thinking what if he never gave me the emotional things I needed, would I find them somewhere else but still be "with" him? And this was all before my phone snooping done tonight that revealed the images he was looking at.
I'm just hurt! Stuck! Angry with myself! And mostly confused!!! If only he would do the things that I would need to make me feel secure and loved, then things would be so much more simple!!!
ETA: realized I tj'd my original question with this post. That just goes to show how my head is spinning in all directions!!!
[This message edited by scangel3 at 4:25 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]
I tell myself I could do it, I could be happy, just focus on myself and do the things that make me happy, but still in the same home as WH. Then I think about being loved and cherished by someone, would I be able to deny myself that for the next 13+ years? What if I couldn't? Would I turn into him and find it somewhere else? I thought about telling him last night, that we were only married on paper, for show for the kids, but other then that we not married in any other way. There would be no marriage obligations between us. But I thought better and said nothing, knowing I could never go that rout, or watch him go that rout. So here I am stuck, and it feels like it will never end!