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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: xwh sent me a letter asking for my help....
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Revenge  Posted: 7:46 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LONG RANT....I apologize in advance.....

So....a lot of you know that my XWH co-signed on 3 of my student loans. This all happened when I had impeccable credit...even better than his! Well, when he deserted me for MOW and tried to screw me over in the divorce, I was forced to hire a lawyer and pay for him using a credit card. Then, I got laid off from my job not 5 months after my divorce was final. So....during my layoff...I was struggling to pay for my credit card bill and pay my high student loan payments... and after 6 months of unemployment with no luck on the job market...I swallowed my pride and asked him for his help. I asked him to sign some forbearance forms so that I could postpone those payments so that it would not hurt my credit and I could make ends meet temporarily.

Well.. he hypothetically spat in my face and threatened to take me to court (and did summons me when I was late on a payment) if I didn't make the payments and refused to sign the forms saying it was not in HIS BEST INTEREST to do so. Therefore, I had to put my other bills on the back burner to make sure that the student loan bills were paid on time every month, despite living on unemployment. My credit slowly but surely started its downhill decent.... I got my current job 2 months later and have been here a year and a half.

When I was pregnant...he opened MY mail and harassed my IC therapist "assuming" based on an insurance error that I was still trying to use his insurance (when I was not and had my own) and he also tried to take me to court again summoning me when I was only a couple of days late on a loan payment after my 6 week unpaid maternity leave and I just started back to work and made the payment LITERALLY the day after he paid it! He has done nothing but harass me instead of trying to communicate with me. All he had to do was ask if I was making the payment and I would have told him why it was a day or so late and when I was paying it.

So.... he sends a letter to my dad's house (because he does not have my new address) without a return address listed on it and asks me to refinance my loans and take his name off because it would be in my best interest and his because he wants to refinance his home.

I'm sorry...and I know a lot of you will say that it would be best to take his name off...but BECAUSE of him...I won't be able to refinance without a co-signor. My dad had to co-sign on my car loan so I could get my SUV because my credit has gone down hill and I will not ask him to co-sign on those loans too. It is NOT in my best interest to increase my interest rates just to do him a favor when he could not do the same for me when I was in dire need of his help. I think that he has a lot of nerve even asking and he can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.

I have no intentions of even responding to him. I hope the silence kills him. Karma is a bitch.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 7:48 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, not sure if it is the right thing, but I would ignore it too.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 12
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tuff shit for him!

Posts: 3419 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Betrayal
♀ Member
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He cosigned, too bad for him. This is why you never cosign anything for anyone because ultimately, if the person you sign for is unable to pay, or like yourself is in a bad place financially, you become responsible for the debt. My cousin did this for his xww, and is still paying for her loans 3yrs and counting.

[This message edited by Betrayal at 9:19 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't understand why he had to cosign to begin with if your credit was perfect... And it is weird that they would take it if your perfect credit wasn't good enough and his was not as good as yours. I am assuming this is a private student loan. Well, tough nookie for him, this is why you don't cosign. Life lesson learned.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 9:24 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes...these were private student loans and at the time...getting a private student loan was incredibly difficult! You basically had to be a saint to get one! You are lucky nowadays to even find a bank that will do them anymore with the way the economy is!

He doesn't pay a dime on these loans...I pay every cent...BUT I will NOT re-finance only to have my interest rates skyrocket to do a favor for someone who does not deserve my mercy. He will have to re-finance with those loans on his credit....and if he can't...well... then he just SUCK IT!

He has no one but his self to blame! This is karma coming full circle to bite him in the ass for how he treated me! If he had signed those forms for me for the 2 WHOPPING months that I needed the assistance until I got my current job...then I may have considered it... but no. He had to be the big bully that he was during our divorce. Bullies never win. And, his problems are NOT my problems!

He can kiss my freckled ass!

Maybe when he sees me desecrating my wedding dress on Saturday in the color run he will take that as a possible "hint" of my informal response...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your divorce decree specify if you have to refinance the student loans? Is the mortgage he is trying to refinance currently in your name as well?

My XH was on my student loans, he started harassing me to take get his name off my loans so he could refinance the house and get my name off. I agreed (borrowed money from my parents) and paid off the student loans. Guess what nearly 2 years later he still hasn't made any attempt to refinance and my name is still on the mortgage. Once I'm done paying my parents back I plan to get a lawyer and take him to court.

I was lucky, my parents were able to lend me the money and I didn't have to refinance with a cosigner. If I was you, I wouldn't refinance (especially if you have to get a co-signer) unless you had to, ie it's in your decree. Why should he get to benefit while you suffer.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is NOT in my divorce decree that I have to refinance because he would have most definitely have taken me to court by now and forced me to do this if I hadn't by now because my divorce was final in 2010 and he is a bullying asshat! And, no, my name is not on the mortgage.

I hope the silence kills him.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
fadedrainbow
♀ Member
Member # 9280
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reading this just makes me want to I too hope the silence kills him.


me: FBW
D-Day May 2005
divorced December 2009


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: UK
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hahahahahaha!

Uh, no.


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 874 | Registered: Sep 2012
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His fault for not taking care of it in the D.

Tough shit.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7769 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Contact your student loan lenders and see about adjusting the payments. I know with Direct Loans (govt type ones) you can do this, especially if your employment status is in the toilet.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know with Direct Loans (govt type ones) you can do this, especially if your employment status is in the toilet.

Yeah, but Shelly already said these are private loans. Private loans are probably one of the worst things to grace the lives of consumers, imo. They are not as easy to work with as government. I don't know all the details, but I had a friend who struggled with private student loans trying to get on an income based repayment plan and she got nowhere fast. She ended up doing a strategic default because her monthly payments was $300, almost 100% of it being interest. And don't even get me started about all the young folks I spoke with while working at a bank who were experiencing terrible financial hardship due to private lenders who were unwilling to work with their customers. I think the fact that student loans cannot be included in a bankruptcy adds a level of asshole that you don't see from other creditors. Student debt is a major crisis these days, and the private loans are the worst of the bunch.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 6:25 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1284 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly-

I would let him rot. You took the high road with the engagement stone(was that it or was it the whole ring?). Because you felt it was the right thing to do. He response was to act like it was not a gesture and continue to fuck you over when ever possible.

So I see no reason to refinance no matter how he tries to Jedi mind trick it into being in your interest. He was happy to burn the bridges on his way out the door. Hard to appeal to your sense of fairplay when he has shown again and again that he doesn't play by those rules.

asks me to refinance my loans and take his name off because it would be in my best interest and his because he wants to refinance his home.

Consequences. He signed the dotted line. He had a chance to address it during the D. He didn't. If it is not in your best interest... ignore.

PS is the OW still married to someone else and dating Ex? Just wondering...


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Cool  Posted: 8:23 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I see no reason to refinance no matter how he tries to Jedi mind trick it into being in your interest. He was happy to burn the bridges on his way out the door. Hard to appeal to your sense of fairplay when he has shown again and again that he doesn't play by those rules.

I totally agree!! He screwed me over every chance he got even when I took the high road and did him a "favor" with the engagement stone (not the whole ring no). So, again...I say screw him!

PS is the OW still married to someone else and dating Ex? Just wondering...

I haven't been able to "verify" my suspicions, BUT, I'm thinking that MOW is now just OW and has gotten divorced or is at least separated. In the 3 years post-divorce, I have seen her and my XWH at a ton of races and heard of them going on trips out of town together, etc...but not ONCE have I seen her husband anywhere in the mix. And, her husband was (WAS) friends with my XWH...so if she was still riding the fence....she would have him hang out with her and XWH cause she likes to play recklessly.... so I'm thinking they are either dating.....or just FWB

Hahahahahaha!
Uh, no.

StrongerOne...

My thoughts exactly!!!

I wanted to send him a response back....with no return address with the simple following typed on a word document... (but again....I will take the high road)

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um, NO.
then he can just SUCK IT!

Yep. Glad to see your Shellybytchh is showing.

He has no one but his self to blame!

That's what I said too.
And, his problems are NOT my problems!

Damn straight. Too bad, so sad. NOT. Sucks to be him. Funny how he can afford to go on all these trips and go to all these races but he has problems refinancing...WTF

so if she was still riding the fence....

Izzat what they call it? I'd call it riding something else, or some things else.
*laughs helplessly*


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6063 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I see no reason to refinance no matter how he tries to Jedi mind trick it into being in your interest.

These are not the loans you're looking for... (with a wave of the hand)

Sorry, I couldn't resist.


Posts: 2405 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to see your Shellybytchh is showing

Oh yes... I have him by his small hairy ones... and I do mean small...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DUPLICATE POST! WHOOPS!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:29 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His problem, he should have addressed these loans in the divorce decree.

You shouldn't have to pay for HIS lack of foresight.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5279 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 22
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