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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My story of karma and cheating and whatever else
MaraJade
♀ New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I joined here in 2004. Back then I don't recall them having a WS section. I had an affair and was desperately searching for some validation because I was young and stupid and...really, I have no excuse.

My H and I divorced around the same time and I moved in with the OM. That lasted about a year before I realized how foolish I was being.

ExH and I remained friends for five years after the affair. Then he started dating his therapist (I know, it's a huge no-no) and she recommended NC with me. I lost my best friend twice.

I'm now remarried to a man with three boys. We have a nearly 4yo son together.

when I was 7 months pregnant my H cheated on me. With his ex wife. He left me and during our separation I went through the rest of my pregnancy alone while they did drugs and drank together both at her house and in my old apartment I had shared with him.

After a difficult birth (I nearly bled out afterwards)I had to go for a three week hospital stay in the ICU and maternity about a month after our son was born. I was close to death at least twice while there. The nurses called me a miracle. It was a wake up call to my H. He left the OW/exW and we got back together about six months later.

He still struggles with alcohol but has been clean from drugs for three years now, which I am very grateful for.

I am now friends with the OW. We regularly socialize, talk about the kids, and share home schooling responsibilities together. I feel like I can offer a unique perspective from many sides of the story. So...that's me.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi and welcome back. Thanks for sharing your perspective. It wasn't clear from your post: is your H the former OM from your previous marriage?

[This message edited by heartbroken0903 at 6:12 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2226 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi. That is a bit of a topsy-turvy story.

So what brings you to SI now? Helping others is great, but is there anything else going on? Do you feel that, other than time, you've done the work to heal from your earlier poor choices?


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
MaraJade
♀ New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there no "quote" feature? Am I just not seeing it? lol.

to the first question, no my husband is not the OM. I left the OM after a year, having realized what an immature child I was (married at 19 to my ex and left him for OM when I was 21). We parted ways but are still friendly.

Current husband is a completely different person.

to second question, A friend of mine posted in another forum recently that she had joined here, having just found out about her H's affair. So I remembered having an account and came back to visit. Really, that's it.

I don't know what work everyone would have expected me to do. I've been in therapy for five years, recently diagnosed bipolar (which explains a lot of my youth, actually), been in al-anon for years now, and doing a lot of research about codependency.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there no "quote" feature? Am I just not seeing it? lol.

Mara...

To quote, bold or use the italic feature...copy and paste the text into the message area, highlight it by clicking and dragging over it and then click on the Bold, Italic or Quote button to the left

It's good to have you back


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198255 | Registered: May 2002
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound like lady who has lived and learned a bunch. I'm sorry you're here again, but at the same time glad you are.



Posts: 14389 | Registered: Jun 2008
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the response. The stuff you mentioned would indicate to me that you have been working on yourself, so asked and answered...

Thanks for coming back and thinking of others who might benefit from your experience.


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That, and you have a really cool name. If you can't trust an apprentice of the Emperor who turned to the Light Side, who can you trust?


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
sarahsorry812
♀ New Member
Member # 36825
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing your story. Im sorry to hear of all of the struggles you've gone through. Glad to hear you're doing better now.

So you are friends with your H exW/OW?

You no longer have any contact with your 1st H?


Posts: 34 | Registered: Sep 2012
grains
♂ Member
Member # 32590
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations for keeping it together after what you have been through. We are all in recovery and you have kept going forward. It is difficult. You have shown that we can choose to live life. Thank you for your story.


WH 60
BS 50
No Children
Together 17 years
Married 7/21/2001
D-day 03/01/2011

Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2011
MaraJade
♀ New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the help with quoting! :)

You sound like lady who has lived and learned a bunch. I'm sorry you're here again, but at the same time glad you are.

Thank you very much. I know just what you mean. I hate that I went through what I did (and made the stupid decisions I made as well) but at the same time I'm SO GRATEFUL because it's made me who I am and I am a much stronger individual than I used to be.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
MaraJade
♀ New Member
Member # 6053
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That, and you have a really cool name. If you can't trust an apprentice of the Emperor who turned to the Light Side, who can you trust?

Sorry I never got back to this. Awesome, yes! Not a lot of people get that reference, but she's totally my favorite Star Wars character ever. :D

So you are friends with your H exW/OW?
You no longer have any contact with your 1st H?

I am now friends with the ex wife, yes. We do things socially and we also handle most of the kid issues together. DH steps in and helps when we ask him to. We have family time all of us together, but that is slightly more awkward as DH really doesn't care for OW anymore at all and having the two of them in the same room can be stressful so mostly it's just her and I hanging out.

I no longer talk to my first H. I wish I did. I miss him terribly, but his current wife or girlfriend (not sure if they got married) felt it was a bad idea. She was his therapist and in the therapy field what she did (dating a client) is considered emotional rape. I harbor some resentment towards her as five years post-divorce he and I were doing quite well and were still semi good friends. She was obviously jealous of that and used her power and control to get him to stop talking to me, which is unfortunate and very ethically wrong.


Posts: 23 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: MA
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's soooo hard!

My mother's current BF (she's 65 and very narcissistic, for what it's worth) was her therapist from trying to hea as a BS from her second marriage.

The man got fired from a 17 year long tenure as a social worker/therapist and we never understood why, nor have we ever had answers from it, but it struck a chord for me, Mara, when you mentioned that about your ExH's therapy-girl.

Then a BFF of my mother (similar age, also a BS, one of the first we ever, ever knew in person!) also hooked up with HER therapist and are moving to a tropical island!

I thought it a little odd from your post that Therapist Girl desires NC with you and wonder if it's affair speak/rules or insecurity on her part.

I am pregnant while Perv/STBX is off living at OW's house and we proceed through divorce. I don't quite know how I'm going to bear all that's to come, but your story will help me too remember.

Thank you for sharing it.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the typos, my keyboard is sticky!


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 14

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