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User Topic: Feeling sorry for the OW maybe?
ifinallyfoundme
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I crazy? I actually feel a little sorry for the OW. They were cheating for 4 years. After reading their letters and all the deception that was involved the manipulation on both sides was so clear. She tried to do everything for him I wouldn't do and in the end he cheated on her too, but not before she tried to squeeze out of his finances.

It's been almost 2 years since this mess came and none of those involved have profited from their behaviors. Needless to say he lied about me to her and after I forwarded his apology letters she felt betrayed. Well duh?

But that wasn't enough he called her twice and told her NC. The second time as I listened I chimed in and asked her, if he were to leave me for her, she'd just end up with a lying cheating spouse. I asked her what did she expect to gain from chasing a married man and why was she wasting her time when she could be with someone who was devoted to her?
She sounded so pathetic and crushed.I wasn't a stark raving lunatic or some irreconcilable ogre ...Oxytocin is a bitch!

After our conversation she sent him a text and asked how could he do this to her.
I sent her a pic of hubby and I all cuddled up and cozy. You could see he was genuinely happy.

Well she sent him a text from an unknown phone saying nice pic. I told him -right about now she hates your guts and she just became a stalker.

Long story short, He cheated with women who were so far beneath him-his view- they would do anything he said. Whatever weakness...lonely/desperate/extra extra obese/low self esteem you name it.

He isn't proud of his behavior but listening to the OW sounding so pathetic...

I know she/they caused me and my family immense pain, but sometimes I feel sorry for her. At first I wanted to scratch their eyes out, but it just ain't worth it!

[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 2:23 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is sad and pathetic to continue to pursue a married man. Her sorry ass deserves your sympathy... But eventually she needs to be treated like the stranger she is. She means nothing to the both of you.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
41andthankful
♀ Member
Member # 38650
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though you hurt, you can see things for what they are. It just shows your good character that you are able to see her going through it even after what she has done to you. My feelings toward wh's ow were similar. But in my case I just couldn't understand why a woman was ok settling for the little he offered her. That is what I felt sorry for.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013
ifinallyfoundme
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know seeing photos of us together and having him tell her it was over as I his wife listened...is so pathetic.

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have sympathy for the OW. She is so broken and she believed every pathetic lie that my WH told her. When she finally understood that he wasn't leaving me, and that he is a SA with a string of OW's behind her, she really became unhinged.
Having said that, my sympathy is really about the "dignity of humanity” She’s a person that has bad boundaries and has clearly been hurt in the past. I don't wish her any ill will, because she's not a healthy person. She has had to face accountability and consequences for her actions and I have seen the pain she's been in since my WH told her that everything was a lie and that he never had any intention of leaving to be with her. At first I felt vindicated that she got what she deserved. Now, I just hope that she gets the help she needs and gets healthy for her girls sake. My sympathy doesn’t blind me to the fact though that she was willing to let me go through hell had her plan to “live happily ever after” with my husband had come to fruition. She’s also a stalker, and has made it clear that she’s still ready, waiting, willing and able…. And that still unnerves me. It’s such a mixed bag of emotions.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
ifinallyfoundme
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having said that, my sympathy is really about the "dignity of humanity” She’s a person that has bad boundaries and has clearly been hurt in the past. I don't wish her any ill will, because she's not a healthy person.
You nailed it. He told her he was not interested in leaving me from the start...Why would anyone agree to this setup is beyond me.
Despite all he has said to her, she is still waiting in the wings.

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW is also waitingin the wings... she'll be waiting and hear crickets.

According to "their" plan, she was willing to wait another 4-5 years for him, living over a thousand miles away. Who does that? Who puts their life on hold for that many years? Its beyond me.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also actually felt sorry for the OW. He never had any intentions of leaving me for her, even though he gave her an engagement ring, told her he loved her, promised he would leave me, etc.. I am sure that she was already a FU individual before the A, and can only imagine how she feels now that he threw her under the bus. She is still pinning away for him which unnerves me because I know that he would see her again if he thought he could get by with it without me fnding out like he did on DDay#2. He had the opportunity this week while I was having surgery but I know for a fact that he didn't. VAR verified he was home alone in the bed snoring and he was with me the whole time he wasn't home or work.

Do not feel too sorry for OW. I assume she knew he was married when she hooked up with him. Women that lower themselves to this level to try and find love deserve our sympathy in a way, but she put herself there. Feeling sorry for them only shows that we are loving strong women/men who did not deserve the ulimate betrayal of our husbands/wives. It shows we are capable of love and forgiveness.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Chefj9
♀ Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j -
also actually felt sorry for the OW. He never had any intentions of leaving me for her, even though he gave her an engagement ring, told her he loved her, promised he would leave me, etc..

Exact same story here.... WOW. I still am shocked at the lengths my WH went to feed his addiction.


ME - BS 50, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 472 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel sorry for XH's main OW. She's been w/XH for 4.5 years. I don't think he intended to leave me for her, I left him. I cut off all contact, I pushed D through, which took close to 3 years. If I hadn't, don't think we'd ever of gotten it.

That being said, I can't imagine how damaged/deluded/stupid one would be to tolerate such a situation for so long.

Seems clear to me that if somebody wants to legitimately be w/OP, they move/get d/put it in the light. Anything else is purely posturing, imo.

XH couldn't wait to intro me to everybody in his life & get us M'd in less than 2 years. Seems like if he were really serious about being w/main OW, he'd have not let this drag out for the last 4.5 years.

Feeling sorry for them only shows that we are loving strong women/men who did not deserve the ultimate betrayal of our husbands/wives. It shows we are capable of love and forgiveness.

Yes, we are. Not that there's anything wrong w/that.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could see where you might feel sorry for her. Even though my ws can be so convincing and charming which could have ow believe everything he tells her, she's such a cocky assuming bitch, I don't feel one shred of sympathy for her.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking back about a co worker of mine that had a 2 year A with a MM. She was ready to leave her bs. She believed every thing he told her. One day his pregnant wife showed up. Imagine her surprise, they weren't even sleeping together according to him. She found out he had women all over town, she was one of many. It was pretty sad watching her bawling and feeling so humiliated. I saw the other side of infidelity and it was prettu pathetic.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
MissMoneypenny
♀ New Member
Member # 34714
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I didn`t hate her more than anybody I would definitely feel sorry for OW.
She is completely living at his mercy as in his country of residence she can`t get a residence permit so she comes and goes with a visit visa.
She is not allowed to work because of that visit visa status , basically they can`t even officially acknowledge that they live together because it is illegal for unmarried couples to do that and to have children together.

He clearly told her that he doesn`t want any more kids and that he doesn`t want to marry her ( he doesn`t make any step to file for divorce from me).
His family refuses to meet her as they know that she destroyed our family.

As he is very much into his family and flies them in regularly ,Madam then has to either leave the country (so that his family can stay in his house which they will only do if she isn`t there) or accept that he spends most of his time at his brothers house where my MIL and SIL are staying if Madam is "in".
Inside he suffers immensely from this situation which will never change as long as my MIL (who is in best health -God bless her !) is alive, buries himself in work and only lives for the times when he sees the kids or when he spends time with the kids at my MILs house in his home country (which is not where he lives).

He doesn`t like being in OWs home country, doesn`t like the culture there at all.
He doesn`t match at all with her as far as education and cultural background are concerned.
I shudder thinking how the atmosphere must be between WH and OW when he is at his grumpiest, broodiest best (when he pities himself for the shitty situation he has gotten himself into) because he was like that for years in our marriage and I hated tiptoing around him and wondering what the hell was wrong with him.

Eventually OW will wake up in ten years with a man who is 20 years her senior, realize that her biological clock has almost run out and that most probbably she won`t have kids at all.

If she has some brains left she will use her last efforts before her looks start to fade to look for another sugar daddy to finance her life style and get her pregnant before it is too late...

Nobody in his circle really likes her , they all just put up with her and tolerate her , and everybody is wondering how on God`s green earth she takes all that humiliation ..but most of them think as I do: Financial greed makes some people lose all their dignity ....


" The only thing I have in common with OW is our birthday "

Posts: 46 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Europe
Topic Posts: 13

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