It's been almost 2 years since this mess came and none of those involved have profited from their behaviors. Needless to say he lied about me to her and after I forwarded his apology letters she felt betrayed. Well duh?
But that wasn't enough he called her twice and told her NC. The second time as I listened I chimed in and asked her, if he were to leave me for her, she'd just end up with a lying cheating spouse. I asked her what did she expect to gain from chasing a married man and why was she wasting her time when she could be with someone who was devoted to her?
She sounded so pathetic and crushed.I wasn't a stark raving lunatic or some irreconcilable ogre ...Oxytocin is a bitch!
After our conversation she sent him a text and asked how could he do this to her.
I sent her a pic of hubby and I all cuddled up and cozy. You could see he was genuinely happy.
Well she sent him a text from an unknown phone saying nice pic. I told him -right about now she hates your guts and she just became a stalker.
Long story short, He cheated with women who were so far beneath him-his view- they would do anything he said. Whatever weakness...lonely/desperate/extra extra obese/low self esteem you name it.
He isn't proud of his behavior but listening to the OW sounding so pathetic...
I know she/they caused me and my family immense pain, but sometimes I feel sorry for her. At first I wanted to scratch their eyes out, but it just ain't worth it!
[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 2:23 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]
"They cling to their bad choices out of shame, because it is far easier to continue to destroy yourself than to do the heavy work required to fix yourself." - a wiser SIer
According to "their" plan, she was willing to wait another 4-5 years for him, living over a thousand miles away. Who does that? Who puts their life on hold for that many years? Its beyond me.
Do not feel too sorry for OW. I assume she knew he was married when she hooked up with him. Women that lower themselves to this level to try and find love deserve our sympathy in a way, but she put herself there. Feeling sorry for them only shows that we are loving strong women/men who did not deserve the ulimate betrayal of our husbands/wives. It shows we are capable of love and forgiveness.
also actually felt sorry for the OW. He never had any intentions of leaving me for her, even though he gave her an engagement ring, told her he loved her, promised he would leave me, etc..
Exact same story here.... WOW. I still am shocked at the lengths my WH went to feed his addiction.
That being said, I can't imagine how damaged/deluded/stupid one would be to tolerate such a situation for so long.
Seems clear to me that if somebody wants to legitimately be w/OP, they move/get d/put it in the light. Anything else is purely posturing, imo.
XH couldn't wait to intro me to everybody in his life & get us M'd in less than 2 years. Seems like if he were really serious about being w/main OW, he'd have not let this drag out for the last 4.5 years.
Feeling sorry for them only shows that we are loving strong women/men who did not deserve the ultimate betrayal of our husbands/wives. It shows we are capable of love and forgiveness.
Yes, we are. Not that there's anything wrong w/that.
He clearly told her that he doesn`t want any more kids and that he doesn`t want to marry her ( he doesn`t make any step to file for divorce from me).
His family refuses to meet her as they know that she destroyed our family.
As he is very much into his family and flies them in regularly ,Madam then has to either leave the country (so that his family can stay in his house which they will only do if she isn`t there) or accept that he spends most of his time at his brothers house where my MIL and SIL are staying if Madam is "in".
Inside he suffers immensely from this situation which will never change as long as my MIL (who is in best health -God bless her !) is alive, buries himself in work and only lives for the times when he sees the kids or when he spends time with the kids at my MILs house in his home country (which is not where he lives).
He doesn`t like being in OWs home country, doesn`t like the culture there at all.
He doesn`t match at all with her as far as education and cultural background are concerned.
I shudder thinking how the atmosphere must be between WH and OW when he is at his grumpiest, broodiest best (when he pities himself for the shitty situation he has gotten himself into) because he was like that for years in our marriage and I hated tiptoing around him and wondering what the hell was wrong with him.
Eventually OW will wake up in ten years with a man who is 20 years her senior, realize that her biological clock has almost run out and that most probbably she won`t have kids at all.
If she has some brains left she will use her last efforts before her looks start to fade to look for another sugar daddy to finance her life style and get her pregnant before it is too late...
Nobody in his circle really likes her , they all just put up with her and tolerate her , and everybody is wondering how on God`s green earth she takes all that humiliation ..but most of them think as I do: Financial greed makes some people lose all their dignity ....