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Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Letter or face to face with OW?
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to remember that your WH has most likely lied to OW about you, probably told her all sorts of horrible things about you to justify the affair, so she has reasons to lie to you. False reasons, but reasons..

You have no idea what she thinks of you.. I'm seriously doubting she sees you as the poor betrayed spouse who deserves the truth..

I communicated with MOW a couple times via text during false R, but all she did was lie to me and relay what my STBX told her to say to me. If you contact her, I think you might give *them* a reason to be in contact so they can get their stories straight and continue to talk about *their* feelings.. That was my experience anyway..

I agree to try to verify his words by other resources and ignore her.. I think it's better to stay away from her whether you reconcile or not..

Big hugs to you..

xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ Stolen from asurvivor

Posts: 2299 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
♀ Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 5:55 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not recommend contacting OW.
I agree that most likely your email came from OW. Usually, the only reason the AP tells the BS about the A is to break up the marriage.

In my situation, after the A went underground, I did contact the OW.
She lied. My WH and OW had come up with their story and they were sticking to it.
Almost hurts worst - that they were working together to keep their secret.

ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another vote for NOT contacting the OW. That person is not relevant to you or your healing; focus on your happiness and what you can do to feel safe. good luck!

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 603 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
♀ Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I contacted MOW before I found SI.

I had a three hour coffee with her.

She said things that verified what my H told me was true. She also said a lot of things that I will never forget such as "You have to stop thinking about me in bed with your husband". and "if there was nothing wrong with your marriage, he wouldn't have been with me". She said much more but I was in a daze and can't remember.

Would I do it again? No.

Please listen to the wisdom in these replies.

She will tell you what makes HER feel better, whether it helps you or not. She will also lie, without a doubt.

She told me things that almost made me give up on reconciliation. If anything influences you one way or the other, let it NOT be her.

Good luck

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 783 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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