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User Topic: How can I still be so upset?
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My goodness, 7 months out and we have way more good days than bad days. We genuinely have a good time and enjoy one another's company, but I get so fuming angry I cannot control it.

I feel like it's nature's way of keeping me in survival mode to stay away from the person who hurt me more than words can describe. I keep fighting for the "love" but it always backfires into hate again.

He already broke my heart and I honestly feel like I'm getting over him, if that makes sense.

I've been doing 180 without even noticing it. It feels good. I like how I feel when I detach from him. We're supposed to be in "R." I don't want to make a rash decision and ditch him, but that's what I'm leaning towards these days...


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, June 12th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is why the general advice here is to not make any decisions for a year. It really takes time to get your bearings and figure out your complicated emotions. It takes a while just to get over the shock and start feeling the real emotions! Be gentle to yourself. 7 months is really a short period of time. The 2-5 year time frame has been true for me--and I still have a few years to go, I think. Give yourself the time you need to heal. I still get angry on occasion, but it is less often and has less intensity. It sounds to me like you are doing great!


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Aug 2010
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my years like this...

My ego's hurt so badly.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was in shock for the first 5 months,then hit the rage phase..and stayed in ti for a few years.

I think your anger is normal...you've had multiple ddays,TT,and a WH who is slow to "get it." Why *wouldn't* you still be upset?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7499 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*raises hand* me too and I'm 16 months out. It is one rollercoaster to hell isn't it?

It's good to hear that the 180 is allowing you to feel better. It has done the same for me. And I like how you stated that you are getting over him after breaking your heart. I always think that in a way my WH has already done the one thing I feared the most and he broke my heart and stomped on it, over and over again. My WH could never hurt me or surprise me like that again because he already has. Sucks for him though that I feel this way.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:23 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Liberty

What you are feeling is completely normal. Completely.

Go back to the timeline.

7 months is a time where you come out of shock and go wth am I doing?

Is anyone worth this much pain? Somedays the answers will be yes and somedays it will be F no.

Just keep taking one day at a time. You will know when you know. Enough time will have passed for you to say " I am ready to make a decision"

Anger is normal after shock.

Hang in there


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1163 | Registered: Apr 2013
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are coming up on 4 years and there are times that I still have such a deep hurt/anger/sadness over what H did to us. If I let it, it would carry me away.

We have almost all good days. It just hurts so damm much when I think about it


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 673 | Registered: Jun 2012
IAmPsycho
♀ Member
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been 12 years for me! That seems impossible. If I would've known that the A would still be such a major part of my life this far out, I would've divorced him. I think there are only 2 ways to get over it. Either D, because then they won't be around for you to blame or they have to prove that they love you like crazy. My WH did not do that. So, I feel stuck. How long does the statute of limitations last on an A? Can I still use it as my reason for D?


BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think there are only 2 ways to get over it. Either D, because then they won't be around for you to blame or they have to prove that they love you like crazy. My WH did not do that. So, I feel stuck. How long does the statute of limitations last on an A? Can I still use it as my reason for D?

I know. I always think I'll get over it if I get a D, but I feel that is me running from the situation because deep down I want it to work, even though the odds are against us.

I don't think there is ever a statue of limitations on the A. I feel the BS or WS can exit the M if either feels they cannot R.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost 9 months out here and I would kill for more good days than bad. I am grateful if I have an hour where it's not front and center in my head and heart ;(

I recently chose limbo again over R. I realize it's a label but when I have to fight everyday not to end this - not sure that's R. Also in the mind frame of WH hasn't actually warned R yet.


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger is normal and part of the process. That is why they say 2-5 years. Because of my SAWHs reluctance to do a true full disclosure, it may really be 2-5 years from that. While in the anger phase, my therapist recommends using it to motivate change. That is what it is for. Use it to exercise, start doing something for yourself that you have been putting off, anything positive that you can use the anger to push yourself to do. I used it to start working out, going to school again and going out with my girlfriends more often.

Once the anger is worked through, expect a whole lot of pain and sadness to still be there. It is a process and not a pretty one, at that. You seem like a strong chick, so you will make it through!


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry.

[This message edited by Missymomma at 10:34 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, June 13th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weird triple post. Don't think I've ever done that.

[This message edited by Missymomma at 10:33 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 13

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