He was SO Disney Dad up until I was about 10. Then I started figuring out that he took me and my brother for visitation/vacation only when it made him look good to do so. Like if he impressing his new girlfriend. Or if he was bored. Or if his family started saying things like "we haven't seen the kids in a while".
It really didn't take long to see him for what he was.
Teslet will figure it out, and he'll need you more when he does. It's hard to face that your father doesn't see you as his child, his responsibility...but as something he HAS to do.
I stopped seeing my dad for visitation when I was 12.
I see him sporadically now and only because I want a relationship with my 8 yr old half brother.
[This message edited by itainteasy at 10:23 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]
Tesla, I can tell you from experience with my kids, this Disney parenting shit will only work while your son is young. When he gets older he will see your XH for who he really is.
Heck my kids let him think they were buying the bullshit just so he would keep doing the fun stuff.
^^^^^ This. I have experienced it with my 3 kids. They were all under 10 when he left. Now they're 14,16 and 18. They actually now plot to get him to spend $$ on them and take them places.
When he goes on his trips to Europe they are looking forward to the gift he brings back more than seeing him.
He would ask them what he should bring them back and when he pretty much never brought back what they asked for it became, "whatever you think we would like."
They have his number.
I took them to Disney World for 4 days (all I could afford). He was there for 2 weeks with MOW and her son.
They are all the same apparently after reading this thread.
[This message edited by Lola2kids at 11:47 AM, June 13th (Thursday)]
I totally get the mental preparation. He texted on Tuesday and asked if he could take them that night instead. Ummmm........no.
All this shit sucks but I am keeping very busy...so many house projects! But at least I can leave the tools out and not worry about somebody 'helping.'
Thank you everyone for all your encouraging words. I know that Teslet will get it someday. On some level, he gets it now...he was asking the other day to go eat at McDonald's (a special treat for us). I told him no because he was probably going to be eating out a lot with dad on vacation. He asked excitedly if just he and dad were going on vacation. I told him no, the whole fucking clan plus cousins and uncle were going. His next question: "Can you come mom?"
He loves his mom and he loves his dad and like any kid, all he wants is our love and attention. Somewhere down deep he knows that he doesn't have the same attention and love from his dad as he does from me. That's the sad thing about ex-shat...his son is validation for him and in his mind, ex-shat has made Teslet an exact copy of himself (he's not, my son excels his father in every aspect). Yes, ex-shat loves his son...but in a self-serving validating way...if that makes sense.
I love my kid for the mere fact that he *is*. Big difference and I just have to believe that Teslet will conciously see that difference someday. Waiting for a day that may be a decade or two in the making is so incredibly hard.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
FWIW, months ago I got a very late night text saying, "are you going to bring playing cards?" I wrote back, "Where?"-I knew it was an error-and Perv wrote again to say it was an error his friend he was working for should have gotten, they were having guys-night-out poker.
I didn't buy it.
Why do they think they are slick and we don't know what they're up to?
And I agree, I think you're being goaded and bothered needlessly, unless it's a "real" change in plans.
I've had to tell my sometimes that Perv isn't special needs, truly, because some of the things coming from him just don't make any sense.
So I have empathy and sympathy for your frustration, too.
Is Teslet looking forward to the trip? I hope it goes well for him...as drama free as can be, that is.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.