I will say that talking to OW created a bunch more pain for me, she was very mean and hurtful and I never had and closure with that. If you really NEED info, I'm sure you can get some from her but I bet it will have a price.
A part of me feels this would be a stupid thing to do & another part of me is screaming for the truth
A part of you feels it would be a stupid thing to do - That is a thought process, one that makes sense.
Another part of you is screaming for the truth. But there is no thinking process involved with that, really. It's a desire, a desire for truth. Understandably so. But your head is telling you that it would be unwise to use that method for getting the truth.
Have you considered other possible ways of getting the truth?
I have always kept a diary, and in reading through the past, I realized that he was cheating long before I thought he was. Old bills, receipts, even going through old memories of events can sometimes put the puzzle pieces together.
Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M
I took him into his den. I said: "I have taken care of & raised our children (4), house, pets, entertained for you, etc, etc.
You have ONE get out of jail free card. This is it. I don't need you to take care of myself and the kids. So, here is you one chance to come clean about everything. If you can't or won't tell me the complete truth, you can go to her now, because I no longer need you." "There is the door".
" I may cry, be angry, everything, but I will do my best to listen. I also want a time line of every hotel, meeting, (whatever I wanted from him). "
"Make your decision now, or move out tonight". "I deserve better than you."
I was prepared to kick him to the curb, and he knew it. Fog cleared rather quickly. I would have, no question, thrown him out of our home.
Now, he did his best, he told me the truth about some lies, but some came out later. I gave him that, as he was scared shitless. Rightly so.
Bottom line, she's a whore. Will continue to be a whore, and will do what she can to create a wedge. He owes you, not her. Do whatever you can to stay away from her. Yes, its hard, but she didn't betray you, he did. (And yes, I still struggle with this).
We say "Pull up your Bitch Boots and use them on him". It works.
But, you need to mean it and follow through.
(I also opened an account in my name only and had him fund it VERY well, made an attorney appt, which I was able to cancel, and meant business.
Life going well, work in progress. If I had not taken that line, I may have had a fence sitter with a "friend". No F-ing way!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!
[This message edited by TrustGone at 11:12 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]