Have fun shopping this weekend for that new skirt.
Buy her this one.
[This message edited by wonderboy at 2:50 PM, June 14th (Friday)]
That might have been when I decided to drive my car over his blackberry.
Anywho, it's great advice. You cannot take these things back. It's lemon juice in a papercut. The more you pour in, the better is does NOT feel!!
She resisted on the first item. I gave her a choice, she can go or the things can. She had lots of chance to leave.
IMO you give your W way too much input. One of the most interesting things my first IC told me about my W's A was that I had the power in the relationship if I just took it. She said, "Wert, you don't realize it now, but if she doesn't want to end it with you, you have an awful lot of power right now."
It Friday and I need a beer.
Are you willing to disregard your own feelings for her? Do you love her that much? If you do, then you are a hero. If not, you should love yourself enough to draw the line, get some answers, and define her level of remorse and commitment to the "new" marriage.
Sorry bud, it stings I know...I was in your shoes for a long time.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
She said NO. I grabbed several articles of clothing that I wanted out and she refused. Admitted that she doesn't feel anything for me.
So...I can't kick her out because of finances so it's HARD CORE 180!!! and R is interrupted and on hold. I am worth more than that shit.
There's other deep rooted issues that if you knew, it would make sense for her reaction, BUT she HAS to learn the value of people especially her loving husband who was willing to forgive her and take her in.
FWIW, I didn't give my FWH a choice. I burned his clothes in the driveway. I smashed a watch his LTA gave him and sent it back to her.
My journey to survive from my husbands multiple affairs and sex addiction.
Admitted that she doesn't feel anything for me.
This seems to be her go-to phrase here.
Your wife has just told you that a skirt is more important than you. 180 is certainly the right choice, and frankly, even though we are in R forum, I think a lawyer is in order. You are worth so much more than the continued crumbs.
[This message edited by sisoon at 12:17 PM, June 17th (Monday)]
What she is doing to you is crazymaking, and abusive. Stop her. Wert is right. You have the power, so take it. Make your demands for what YOU need for R. If she wants to comply great if not send her away. She is not doing any of the real work of R. She is not remorseful for what she did, rather she is sorry for getting caught.
I too feel you haven't gotten the whole truth as to what she did and didn't do. Have you continued to check up on her, snoop? This behavior has GIANT red flags waving all over the place.
YOU are right, YOU deserve much more, more respect, more love, and more honesty. You can't force her to give it to you, but you can choose to not accept the crumbs she is leaving you.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, I know how bad it hurts. It just makes me angry for you.
...and R is interrupted and on hold.
Sadly, you and your WW were never in R.
Since you phrased it "on hold" and this is the R forum, what would it take for you and your WW to be in R and working on the M as opposed to not divorcing?
A common requirement for R is remorse. This means the WS owns her A-related crap, and is genuinely sorry for how they behaved, and wishes to make amends however she can. This is much more than simply blocking the OM out of her mind (that is what we call rug-sweeping).
The WS and BS both have feelings for each other AND respect for each other.
BUT she HAS to learn the value of people especially her loving husband who was willing to forgive her and take her in.
Gently, no she doesn't.
It would be nice if she did, it should be a requirement for R that she does, but she does not have to. There are people who never address their issues and they make it through life (maybe not well) and die with thier personal demons well intact.
There's other deep rooted issues that if you knew, it would make sense for her reaction,...
Then sustained work on these DRIs ought to be another requirement for R.
She has played the game of Remorse On - Remorse Off depending on how it suits her. I suggest that you be very supicious of any future reversal to Remorse On until it has been sustained and clearly is about her working to fix the M and help you heal regardless of your response.
[This message edited by atsenaotie at 1:27 PM, June 17th (Monday)]