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User Topic: Does your wayward have other addictive behaviours?
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's an undiagnosed SA and/or porn addict; diagnosis will never occur because he lies during evaluation. (I know this because he left a checklist for me to find, and the only question he answered, "yes" to one question: "Has your sexual behavior caused problems in your relationships." Um, yeah.)

He also is a smoker, who "quit," but really has secretly continued for over a decade. And I'd say he's addicted to (prescribed) benzodiazepines and narcotics. He does have a bona fide need for the former, but not the latter---though he claims he does.

There may be more; I really know far less about the man than I believed.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's an undiagnosed SA and/or porn addict; diagnosis will never occur because he lies during evaluation. (I know this because he left a checklist for me to find, and the only question he answered, "yes" to one question: "Has your sexual behavior caused problems in your relationships." Um, yeah.)

He also is a smoker, who "quit," but really has secretly continued for over a decade. And I'd say he's addicted to (prescribed) benzodiazepines and narcotics. He does have a bona fide need for the former, but not the latter---though he claims he does.

There may be more; I really know far less about the man than I believed.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Food, spending, tv. He regularly talks about craving pot even though he hasn't had it for a decade. Since starting SA 12 steps, he says he wishes he could drink. I hope he can stop trying to switch addictions so he can begin true recovery.


DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"I am pretty sure enforcing the boundary is the most important part of the boundary"- Jerry Seinfeld

Posts: 769 | Registered: Mar 2013
nightsky
♀ Member
Member # 35728
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Online video sex chats.

He became so obsessed and emotionally attached to his favorite "model" that he called her "my girlfriend." He refuses to own up to the fact that this was an affair and seems to think I would be more "forgiving" if he had a drug addiction

WH says he has "always been interested" in porn. He claims I knew about that, but he hid the subscriptions to porn sites from years ago.

Oh, and food for sure.


BW (me) – WH (him) mid-50s Married 33 yrs

DD 6/2012 –WH has been paying $$$ for online video sex chats and calls his favorite “my girlfriend.”

"Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith" Margaret Shepard


Posts: 109 | Registered: Jun 2012
LearningToFly
♀ Member
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Porn
Exercise
the Beatles
Iced Tea at McDonalds (well he goes at least once a day and drinks the extra large serving, refills, drinks, refills and carrys one around all day).
Being the center of attention
He used to be addicted to his GFs emails

All three of our kids have addiction problems with alcohol, marijuana, and smoking. They were raised in a home with parents that do none of that.

[This message edited by LearningToFly at 1:23 AM, June 15th (Saturday)]


Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 188 | Registered: Apr 2013
seekingtomorrow
♀ Member
Member # 39068
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ive never thought of them as addictive behaviours,,, but he has obsessive behaviour. before I even knew about the A I very nearly left him over his behaviour in relation to computer games. he really struggles with food, eats for every mood and situation and has no will power in regards to food at all and is obsessive about his job,


D-day 1 august 1st 2012
D-day 2 October 31st 2012

Posts: 67 | Registered: Apr 2013
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the replies.

I wasn't sure if it was just WXH or if this was a general pattern of behaviour.

Now I see it wasn't an anomaly on XH's part.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Gambling

A spendthrift

Workaholic

Cell phone addiction

Computer addiction

Addiction to caffeine pills

Exes & other women

And he's so proud of himself because he isn't an addict, meaning he doesn't drink or smoke.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

XWH#1 was an alcoholic, who eventually became a dry drunk after I D'd him the first time. He just replaced the alcohol with percription medication and porn. After our second D he went back to drinking and eventually went into rehab and goes to AA now. I don't know what he does anymore because I no longer care and he is not my problem.

WH#2 is also an alcoholic, former drug addict, and also addicted to porn. (Boy, I can really pick them, can't I). I also started to drink quite a bit when we first got together until I started to have health problems from it combined with a blood disorder. I haven't touched a drop in two years, but he still drinks to drunkness every night. He is also addicted to porn/SA. I will not put up with drugs in my home, so he did give that up as far as I know when we started to date. I am now at the point where I am going to address the alcohol addiction as I can no longer put up with it and he can't heal as long as he keeps drinking everyday. It may well be the end of our marriage because I don't see him giving it up.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
luvedmypbear
♀ Member
Member # 25690
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

porn
masturbation
(no longer actively using)
then it was
MOW
then
spending $
then
drinking
then
food
then
exercise
now
cell phone
online gaming

it never ends
oh
and he is NOT an addict (according to him)


D-Day July 14, 2009
3 kids (B7, G6, B2)
BW, 37
D and healing, one day at a time

Posts: 1034 | Registered: Sep 2009
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And he's so proud of himself because he isn't an addict, meaning he doesn't drink or smoke.

That rationale. So familiar!


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
LittleRussian
♀ New Member
Member # 36658
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's a dry alcoholic. All credit to him - he's stayed dry for 6 years now.

And managed to give up smoking 8 years ago.

But he generally has a very addictive personality - he's had other addictions in the past - sex phone lines, online sluts, internet generally .....


Me - mid 40s
Him WH - slightly younger
1 teenager
2 preteens (and don't I know it!)

Posts: 16 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK
HeartStings
♀ Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alcohol
Smoking
Gaming

Then after he white-knuckled it and stopped drinking and smoking

Peanut m&ms
Gummy bears
Cookies
Chocolate
Coca cola

Then after he gained 60 pounds and was having health issues

Exercising
Massages
OW (massage girl)
Sports car

Can't wait to see what comes next, but it can't be good!


Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 33
Pages: 1 · 2

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