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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wayward thinking I will never understand
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The file cabinet analogy is the total opposite of what I experienced with my spouse.

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWH and I are both in IC and in MC. The therapist has encouraged us to look at the here and now. My H is remorseful and doing everything he can to R. But, I thought if I could understand the behavior, choices, mind-set, I could get past it.

Thanks for all the help!

Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, June 14th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not so sure about the file cabinet analogy. I'm not denying that some people work that way, and perhaps most of the people for whom this is true are male, but I really question whether this is an issue re men vs women or healthy, integrated personalities and sicko compartmentalizers. The ability to believe A and B at the same time when they are mutually contradictory is a mental health issue, not a gender difference.

Put it this way: I've gotten very good at compartmentalizing my work. I want to be able to focus solely on work when I'm working. I have learned to shut off thoughts re family responsibilities, to the extent that sometimes I piss myself off because I forgot to mail that letter or make that phonecall. And I do -- I completely forget about it once I'm in the work environment. I've trained myself to do this and it's a good thing.

I've thought long and hard about my WH's compartmentalizing. I still do not get it, and I continue to ask him how he could have lied straight to my face about stuff without feeling guilty or thinking about the pain it would cause me. How could have have told me all about the great restaurant he went to with OP, and discussed the wine that her BSO recommended? The mind boggles. And all I get from him is a mumbled, "I don't understand it either." It is INFURIATING. Honestly, it makes me want to hit things! GRRRRRRRRR.

BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fully agree with the file cabinet analogy. That is what exactly happened in our case. Just that my trust in her had blinded me and it took me some time to figure out the complete extent of the A.

BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..

Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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