There was a good article circulating over the internet back in the winter months about how to comfort a person experiencing trauma.
Picture a dart board. In the center of the board - the bulls-eye - is the person in trauma. We will call her, Trauma. In the rings around Trauma are those closest to her. The next ring might be Trauma's H, the ring around that would be the parents/siblings of Trauma, the best friend comes after that. The rings continue right up to co-workers and then until casual acquaintances.
In this case - Trauma is someone who needs open heart surgery. This is BIG and she is a WRECK!
Trauma needs to be comforted. Period. She needs to know that YOU are there for her no matter what. No matter how many times she cries, expresses anger at how unfair life is, or is looking like a deer in the headlights, she needs you to be a sure thing.
That means, that whoever is outside of the circle cannot bring their pain, their concern, their worries to Trauma.
And we know those people, right? The "do you know how hard this is on me?" people.
So, if that is YOU, you can vent to anyone in Trauma's circle AS LONG AS THEY ARE OUTSIDE of where YOU fit in the circle. But for goodness sake, YOU MUST refrain from venting directly to Trauma.
If H needs to vent, he will vent to anyone outside of him. Same with parents or best friend.
Comfort goes in. Venting goes out.
Having said all this, I know that being a BS means that MOST people do not know your story. This is all so private. Which also means that your trauma goes, for the most part, un-tended by those closest to you. It also means that the person who hurt you the most, IS the one that needs to comfort you....the most.
Not easy. Not fair. Not anything you ever imagined. Hold tight my friend. You are in the centre. You need care.
LA (up way too early)