Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: borderline85 (43161)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 11
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Son of a Bitch, Tred, big bro hug. Sorry man. Cry that shit out! Only way to handle loses like that.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 424 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
PouringRain
♂ New Member
Member # 39177
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New here guys, I'll post my tale of woe soon. Tred, so sorry, heart goes out to you bro. That puts things in perspective for me... My pain is intense, but what you have is unthinkable. Hang in there.


M 15 yrs
2 girls, 10 & 12
Dday April 28, 2013
July 2012 to April 28, 2013: 1 Major EA/PA,1 minor PA/EA, 2 ONSs, 1 on-going sexting w/ ex boyfriend

Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred,
words are insufficient. my condolences to you and your family.

damn


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2063 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn Tred, that's sad news. I'm sorry for your and your family's loss.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1024 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred, I'm very sorry for your loss. It's just not right to lose a youngster.


FBH (me) - 65+, FWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together almost 49 (as of January, 2014)
DDay - 12/2010
Almost Recovered
I share my own experience not because I'm a good model but because it's the only experience I know.

Posts: 8885 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred
So sorry for your loss bro. We're here for you

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
PouringRain
♂ New Member
Member # 39177
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As promised, my sad sack story. Today marks 2 months since DD. It took me 6 weeks to even begin to function - I was completely mentally, physically, and spiritually devastated.

I am struggling to understand if my wife is a sex addict (I think yes) or just a multiple cheater for some other reason. She says she is just a broken, insecure person, not a sex addict. I think she is sexually compulsive. In many ways I hope she is an addict, because that means there is a chance for recovery, and therefore reconciliation. If she is just a f-up, then we're done we're too old (she is almost 49) to deal with this like some problem she can resolve in therapy, especially since she's been trying to do that on and off for our whole relationship. Plus, she is a very together person on the outside everyone in my life was just as shocked as I was about all this sexual behavior outside our M, including our couples therapist that we had seen for years before and all during this insane 10 month cheating period. Not that she hadn't cheated before, but I thought that all ended after the first year of our relationship. I am an idiot.

Here's what happened and keep in mind we are in couples counseling before and during all this stuff...

July 2012, she went to her HS reunion and ended up in bed w/ some guy, she swears they just messed around for 10 mins, no sex (sure). She has an email relationship w/ him where they talk about spiritual stuff (turns my stomach, he has a wife and 2 kids too, and they are emailing like they are so spiritually evolved... gross). I call this a "minor EA/PA."

While she is at reunion she connects with an ex-boyfriend who she later ends up sexting with (she swears it was just during the few days she traveling for work, I don't buy it) and otherwise texting with, including one I read that said he was going to be flying into our town (swears she didn't see him, and if she did it would have just met to say hi). I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and just call this a sexting affair. If she had sex with him while at the reunion or when he was in town I'll probably never know.

Also while at reunion she gets a phone number of an ex boyfriend that she has been periodically obsessed with. I was aware of her love for him all these years, and it really didn't bother me that much because he lived across the country, and ultimately she chose me, right? Well, wrong. She begins an extremely intense EA with this guy over the phone, and I never knew it. She plans a business trip/vacation in his town, and gets everything lined up including a city bike tour, beach trip, and other outings. When she returns, for whatever reason (testing the waters?) she tells me she saw him, had lunch w him and his girlfriend. I was furious just at that I couldn't believe she saw him w/o telling me ahead. I kept saying, "that is so dangerous, if he would have come on to you I know you couldn't have resisted..." I was so hurt). Well, of course it was much more than lunch, they stayed overnight together, went on all sorts of romantic outings. I saw an email to her sister where she said she "tried to get him to have sex" but he wouldn't, they just laid entangled in the bed (ugh). I am pretty sure they didn't have intercourse (I really don't get this, something wrong w this guy I guess), but it was still physical. She clearly writes in her journal that she was/is obsessing about him, and that calls and texts from him are like a jolt to her brain - total addiction. I call this a major EA/PA.

Next she sleeps with a woman, in our own living room, while our kids and I, and the OW's female partner and their kids are all asleep elsewhere in the house. I call this fling #1. Honestly, this one wouldn't have bothered me that much, they got drunk, she wanted to see what it was like... sort of hot. But in reality it shows how morally down the tubes I've gone, and how much I was willing to let her trample over me to fulfill her own selfish desires. God I hate myself.

Finally, the weekend before I caught her she was traveling for work, hooked up with a guy in a bar who took her to a baseball game and then screwed her in her hotel room. This was fling #2.

I also learned that she messed around (swears no sex) with another different ex-boyfriend in 2010, and I know she messed around with him very early in our relationship.

It has been a fucked up roller coaster since this all came out, where I am mostly enraged, alternating with wanting to screw her brains out (hysterical bonding). I've lost it guys, I'm totally out of my gourd.

We are both in IC and MC, and are in a structured 6-month separation (June-Nov 2013). The separation agreement is no lawyers, no dating, I'm out of house 1st 3 months, she's out 2nd, and kids stay at house and adults move on alternating weekends (out person sleeps in guest room at house).

After 6 month separation we will decide if we can or want to reconcile. It's not looking so good right now. WW is totally fogged out. It takes all my energy to not contact her, send her nasty texts and emails. I am furious. I want her to suffer. She appears not to be suffering. I hate her.


M 15 yrs
2 girls, 10 & 12
Dday April 28, 2013
July 2012 to April 28, 2013: 1 Major EA/PA,1 minor PA/EA, 2 ONSs, 1 on-going sexting w/ ex boyfriend

Posts: 10 | Registered: May 2013
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep PR, you do have sad sack story. Feel for you.

You asked on another thread:

What gets a WW to wake up?

Ans: Reality.

Easier said than done. After all, we BH's struggle with reality as well.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred))) so sorry man. Just damn.

Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tred))) sorry man

PR)) hang in there for yourself. bailing out would not be blameworthy


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your nephew, Tred.

Posts: 4494 | Registered: Dec 2010
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Tred))))


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello fellow brother . Does your WW have friends ? My ww has no friends . She doesn't know how to get past situations that don't go her way . Now that I think about it my WW is very selfish ! We've spoke about this in mc several times but not much has changed when it comes down to her getting along .


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 209 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tried,
I'm very sorry to hear about your nephew. take care of yourself.
I understand the whole WW trigger aspect too...sux.

PouringRain,
damn man! That's a lot of shit to eat! Why are YOU out of the house? That could be used against you.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2383 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred, So sorry for your loss.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 29 years, Happily Reconciled

Posts: 5613 | Registered: Aug 2007
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks mates. I'd like to spout some BS about how he had a good life and all that, but that wouldn't be true. My older sister followed in mom's footsteps...serial cheater. Two kids from two dads - never faithful to either of them. She came up short in her quest to outdo mom though - five kids from five different men. My dad was the lucky one, she married him because he was in the Army (capital A for you whiners) and had medical insurance. She filed D papers right after I was born, but he happened to be in Nam at the time. And loved her so much he stayed there because he couldn't be served, spent 4 years in country. Finally had to come home because he was on a routine patrol about 17 clicks north of Plieku sp?(small village near the border between north and south Nam) the night of the Tet offensive. They lost 80% of their company. He got a bronze star with a V. I was six when I finally met him.

My nephew just didn't have the tools. He's tried to take his life at least five times prior to this, but was never successful. This time he was Did I mention how much I hate infidelity? I'm so tired of seeing what it does to families. I'll never understand how someone can do this to another person, that they are supposed to love. The nightmares were bad last night.

We watched Highlander last night - just bought my wife a new one (late B-day present). The motto should apply to women who vow to a man (and vice versa): there can be only one.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3294 | Registered: Dec 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred)))
On the eye-to-eye thing, it would be hard to measure who hates infidelity more...

PouringRain -
A question. I don't exactly know how separation agreements work. Does yours have the force of law? Signed by judge, etc.?

If not
that "no lawyers, no dating" thing seems custom designed to screw you.
no lawyers = no protection for you
no dating? Not that you will, but I'm thinking, what ever stopped the WW? Vows?
ummm NO.

Most importantly, as slh pointed out, being out of the house is bad for your case.
Besides, your girls need you. Now more than ever.
The best sep agreement is you planting your ass in the house & telling her to get out.
She can come back when she fixes her shit. IF.

It pisses me off for you.
FTN!


Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dad was the lucky one, she married him because he was in the Army (capital A for you whiners)

HOO FUCKIN RAH
Your dad was one major bad ass!
That's what it comes down to right?
My kids will know no matter what dad was a bad ass that loved them with all he had.
Tred
Your a bad ass also. You fight just like your dad did.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 10:29 AM, June 24th (Monday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that the conventional wisdom here on SI is that you should not leave the house, and I understand why that advice is given.

However, depending on the state, both parties remaining in the house could be worse as it may be seen as an acceptance of the affair.

It's definitely an issue that needs to be addressed to atty.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry Tred. No adequate words.


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.