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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 11
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As RCU said
You want OM then get the fuck out
See ya
Adios
If he's better than me don't let my dick hit you on the way out.
But is that how it happened?
Nope. They stayed, he left and she initiated games to pretend she has the upper hand when in reality she has jack shit.
No integrity, honor, sense of family.
Her only tactic is to hope you swallow her endless justification rhetoric. That's it
Your always gone, you never give me attention, your an asshole, your mean, etc.
then She wants you to try harder by saying
He was nice to me, he gave me attention, he listened. Blah blah blah

Yeah sure honey
Men adapt, overcome, and catch on
We eventually wake up.
And when we do we see everything.
if OM was soooo good why aren't you still with him?
Because your a stupid bitch. It was dirty, nasty, and he used you as a cum bucket. You fell for it. You gave up everything you are and had for him pretending to be interested in your bullshit.
I know they see it. They won't admit to it.... Maybe they will, eventually. At first mine said she was ready to dump him, he was too clingy.
Whatever baby. He couldn't leave fast enough. She looked sad when I told him to run.
Then she said she saw that he used her.
Of course he did.
WW's won't beg that is why we need to detach and 180 for ourselves.
We can't play their games.
I told mine if I ever left i wont ever take her back and if i met someone It would be real.
I think us menz know the difference between phony and real.
And if your WW did leave for someone it's bullshit. It won't last and she'll be back.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 4:59 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

face punched:
I'm playing on the 360, homie.

it might interest you to know that Assassins Creed 2 is being offered for free right now for gold members. And AC:B/AC:R are on "sale" for $15(1200msp) each.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Following up on aesir's post from the other day.....


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35395 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love how once every thread, wh5 walks in, drops a gem, and then leaves.

That's what badass looks like for those of you who need a manual.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't resist:

I can make a woman scream.

More lube!

On a more serious note


They are broken, they are insecure since way before we met them, they have no self esteem, they aren't worthy and they always felt that way.
I thought about it. As good as Iook, as strong as I am, as loyal as I've been they chose another broken person that matched how they felt.

Taking all that into consideration, why did you pick her? I'm not asking to be snarky, I've picked 5 broken women myself. What is it in me that causes me to find the broken ones.

So far, I'm able to say I'm a KISA. Problem with that is, how do you differentiate that from being a loving supporting spouse?

Still working on that. The 180 has been a godsend, but where/when do you crack the seal? Does it fade over time?

Strength brothers


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More lube!

Dude your memory is like a steel trap.

Taking all that into consideration, why did you pick her? I'm not asking to be snarky, I've picked 5 broken women myself. What is it in me that causes me to find the broken ones.

I guess I could respond with
My Bad
And it's not snarky. That's a damn good question. I SAW the red flags. I did. I knew.
She was young, hot, and flawed.
I willingly shrugged it off.
Guess I could say white knight thing but I guess I was just cavalier with all the warnings. Reckless. Never thought about down the road with children involved.
I know it would be different today but isn't that what I've said before.
We picked them. Overall who's fault is that and why.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can make a woman scream.

Hell, that's easy. Just leave the fucking toilet seat up in the middle of the night when you know they don't turn the lights on when they are sleepy.

WH5 is a badass, aka "Mod". They all get badass training from DS


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell, that's easy. Just leave the fucking toilet seat up

one of the best south park episodes ever.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Taking all that into consideration, why did you pick her?

Good question indeed. I saw a couple of warning signs before I married her, but some big red flags after we were married. I chose to have our first child with her less than two years later, and three more after that.

It's not like I had no idea that she was a little mixed-up early in our relationship. I guess I loved her, simple as that.

The realization that I married someone broken has actually helped speed up R. She made her choices, but so did I. Now we have to make the best of the aftermath of our choices and repair the damage.

To my amazement, my WW, for the first time in our marriage, has acknowledged her FOO issues and her personal issues and is taking them on in IC. She invited her old man to lunch and told him point blank that he abandoned her when she was 12. They both left the restaurant in tears.

I'd say I was proud of her, but in light of her letting another guy bone her for 10 months, I'm not quite ready to express pride yet. Another few months of this, who knows. At least "slut" and "bitch" is no longer part of my vocabulary. That's what passes for real progress these days.

If he's better than me don't let my dick hit you on the way out.
But is that how it happened?
Nope.

Nope. In fact, I've become quite the precious commodity to my wife, and reached that status very quickly after D Day. It makes you wonder how such a great guy could have been cheated on for so long and so often. I guess my virtues became apparent when my leaving appeared imminent.

He was nice to me, he gave me attention, he listened. Blah blah blah

Yeah, I heard something similar shortly after discovery. What I didn't hear was "he committed to me for life, he's the father of my babies, he pays my mortgage, he bought me a car, he loves me even after I retained weight after giving birth, he goes to bed with me each night and is there when I wake each morning..."

That would be yours truly. I think her eyes are open now. At least they are according to her.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just one more random thought in the same line

they chose another broken person that matched how they felt.

So why pick me? What pheromone was I sending out. Might have to switch to Old Spice!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have begun to suspect that decent folks raised in a stable home with ample love and healthy coping mechanisms aren't outfitted to recognize red flags. We have this odd belief that love and commitment can overcome the sort of pinkish flags that we might register.

In essence, you have to be punched in the mouth to recognize what some asshole cocking his fist back actually means. You learn to recognize red flags through trauma.

So, if you're truly blindsided and gobsmacked by betrayal, blame your parents (it's trendy) for not teaching you that the world is full of leeches waiting to suck you dry -- and the bleeding invariably starts at home.

Dysfunction has become so normative, it's the healthy upbringing that's become dysfunctional in a social model populated by six degrees of manipulation and inner-child masturbation.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting WAL.

I am one of three brothers from a stable, responsible, and loving upbringing. Lost mom at around 20 years old, but parents (from my view) had an awesome marriage.

All three brothers had their wives cheat on them. To my knowledge, none of us have ever cheated. Both other brothers are now divorced.

None of us ever saw it coming. Maybe when you grow up believing in a fairy tale type marriage, you can't see the flags of real life. (Although, I am pretty sure my parents had an awesome, fairy-tale type marriage..cept for the whole 'death' thing)

[This message edited by wonderboy at 7:06 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1267 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I didn't hear was "he committed to me for life, he's the father of my babies, he pays my mortgage, he bought me a car, he loves me even after I retained weight after giving birth, he goes to bed with me each night and is there when I wake each morning...

Wait, we get credit for that?

So, if you're truly blindsided and gobsmacked by betrayal, blame your parents (it's trendy) for not teaching you that the world is full of leeches waiting to suck you dry -- and the bleeding invariably starts at home.

Hmmm...need to think on this one. I had a fairly dysfunctional childhood - it taught me how not to trust just fine. I just fell complacent after what I thought was a pretty good marriage. Hell, you've been married for 14 years, lived around the world, had a good job, good home, I thought I was safe. I forgot that lesson - you are never safe from the ones you love hurting you the most. They have the ability because you open yourself to it by loving them.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Word WAL.

Fucking WORD.

Dysfunction has become so normative, it's the healthy upbringing that's become dysfunctional in a social model populated by six degrees of manipulation and inner-child masturbation.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 7:11 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have begun to suspect that decent folks raised in a stable home with ample love and healthy coping mechanisms aren't outfitted to recognize red flags. We have this odd belief that love and commitment can overcome the sort of pinkish flags that we might register.
In essence, you have to be punched in the mouth to recognize what some asshole cocking his fist back actually means. You learn to recognize red flags through trauma.

So, if you're truly blindsided and gobsmacked by betrayal, blame your parents (it's trendy) for not teaching you that the world is full of leeches waiting to suck you dry -- and the bleeding invariably starts at home.

Dysfunction has become so normative, it's the healthy upbringing that's become dysfunctional in a social model populated by six degrees of manipulation and inner-child masturbation.

Damn, total agreement.

However you'd think after being smacked in the mouth 4 times I'd learn, right? Shit, #5 taught ethics!

Guess I wasn't aware she was teaching a different ethic.

No, that's a little too far. Her FOO issues/lack of coping/CSA abuse all played their part played a big part. Still, somewhere it was acceptable to her to have an A.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2087 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I heard something similar shortly after discovery. What I didn't hear was "he committed to me for life, he's the father of my babies, he pays my mortgage, he bought me a car, he loves me even after I retained weight after giving birth, he goes to bed with me each night and is there when I wake each morning..."

That would be yours truly. I think her eyes are open now. At least they are according to her.


Definitely that. And that really really pissed me off.

WAL
Very accurate
My parents have been married for over 45 years. Never dealt with infidelity issues by either that I know of.
Be that as it may. I am a grown up. I played with fire and got burned.
Now I have a big ass fire extinguisher.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 8:08 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, we get credit for that?

Apparently not!


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can't reconcile with a dumb slut, a stupid bitch, a lousy c***, or whatever you might call your wife inside the soundproofed safety of your own truck on your drive to work in the morning.

Good point, WAL. I think it's similar to the wayward concept of mental NC. Betrayeds have to go NC with the psychic negatives that flood the mind post D Day, or at least reduce them significantly, if R is to have a chance.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Later
♂ Member
Member # 39375
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's similar to the wayward concept of mental NC. Betrayeds have to go NC with the psychic negatives that flood the mind post D Day, or at least reduce them significantly, if R is to have a chance.

Sal, if you could bottle up some of that NC please send it my way. Seriously, I wish I could do that -- if not for reconciliation at least for some peace.

Staying active helps. The worst is interstate driving for long periods.


Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
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