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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 11
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the same thing, whisky-mine has been sober 5+ yrs now, although that can be shaky at times.
Still not sure it was wise to stay, but somebody gotta watch the kids...

Mine ramped up the drinking during her As also, one night she downed a whole 750ml of Patron.

I'm still kinda amazed by that...

only thing that saved my sanity was DETACHing...


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that's one scary individual.

Pretty sure they all are. Once the mask slipped.....

Have you ever seen the depictions of Charydbis?


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, it felt like that!

Welcome to the suck.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, it felt like that!

And...it still feels like that. Everything is paddling against the vortex of the Suck!


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One does not simply paddle against the vortex of the Suck...


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you ever seen the depictions of Charydbis?

No, never heard of that but I've seen the movies 'Sybil' and 'The Exorcist,' so I have some idea of what I'm dealing with.


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. Kite,

Watch Jason and the Argonauts.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. Kite,

Watch Jason and the Argonauts.

That's the one with the Harpies right? Since I've been married three times, I can relate to this scene from 'O Brother Where Art Thou."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dl2L4v6ecM


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"O Brother..." is my favorite movie...


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
thinkingclear
♂ Member
Member # 38884
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I step out for a trip with the family to Boston and it looks like I missed a ton.

Sorry you've found yourself here WR. Keep posting, reading, detaching and peace will find you someday. At least that's what jj tells us. It hasn't found me yet. This vacation has been nice to spend time with my boys, but I've struggled being around my WW 24/7. I walked in on her the other day crying in our rented bedroom saying how hateful and mean I've become. She said she knew she deserved it and would have to find a way to deal with it.

I was conflicted. One one hand I hate to be perseved as a prick, but one the other I wish I would have known I was being mean because I would have unleashed a little more because I don't remember being anymore than just a little irritable. I've probably only let her see a small portion of my true rage and anger.

On a good note we saw "Grown Ups 2" in an amazing AMC in Buffalo with reclining theater seats and " Pacific Rim" near Boston Common along with seeing a huge part of our history in Boston.

[This message edited by thinkingclear at 5:12 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


BS - Me
WW - Her
10 month EA/PA

Posts: 211 | Registered: Apr 2013
WhiskeyRiver
♂ New Member
Member # 39811
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys, wow, thanks so much for all the kind words, encouragement, and empathy.

Every single person who's responded has given me something valuable, and it's amazing to me how similar all of our experiences are.

Glad you found this thread.

Me too.

Read and implement. Use the space to decide what you want, no need, for you to become who you want to be!

Is she in that picture? How realistic is that?

No answers now, work through it first.

It’s like doing something drastic for yourself that really isn’t a drastic move at all. She will either come around or she won’t. I wish you the best brother…

These taken together make a tremendous amount of rational sense. There's been so many neglected good things that used to be in my life, and they could so easily just be back in it. I'm on it, dudes.

fear of failure, fear of being alone, desire to ‘save’ her

Check, check, check. These are my issues and I can deal with these, I hope.

There is an old saying: "When the pain of not changing becomes more than then the pain of changing, you will change". Your pain threshold might not be breached yet, maybe it never will. What each person can tolerate is unique to them.

Man, so much gold in this thread.

After D-Day #1 she placed her hand on a Bible and swore she had told me the whole truth, that there had been no one else but Loser #1. Two years later it turned out she had been lying and there had been a Loser #2.

Mr. Kite, that sucks...I'm so sorry.

Mine ramped up the drinking during her As also, one night she downed a whole 750ml of Patron.

After my WW came back from a weekend with the OM (BTW, what does POSER stand for?), I found her on the bedroom floor after having put back a 750 of Stoli. Scary thing there is that I wasn't shocked at all. Her phone was next to her on the floor with all kinds of nasty sexting.

Anyway, I'm going to embark on an earnest quest for the 180. Wish me luck.

Cheers and thanks all around.


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New England
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

POSER is our way of referring to the OM. There was a Star Trek conversation somewhere back in BM10, around page 26ish, and talk got to be about the guy in the red shirt who always dies. I wasn't a ST fan, but I had always referred to that extra as "Ensign Rivera". Someone who doesn't matter, just fills a slot, and nobody cares when he dies. Then Facepunched put it together with Piece of Shit Ensign Rivera, aka POSER. Aesir then pointed out that some might think that it is too ethnic, and referred to some cartoon where the guy in the red shirt is called Ensign Ricky. Still fits POSER, and I don't give a shit. Hell, since the conventional wisdom is the AP could be anyone, it could stand for Ensign Random. But POSER is our little way of referring to a piece of shit that fills a void, is a waste of flesh, and nobody cares if he dies.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
WhiskeyRiver
♂ New Member
Member # 39811
Default  Posted: 5:44 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred, ^^^that is fucking hilarious. I need to start reading some previous installments of this excellent thread.

It also explains this, which I thought was just a random red shirt joke:

[This message edited by WhiskeyRiver at 5:47 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New England
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our name for the AP.
POS +
Ensign Rivera

A redshirt.

My pet swore on the lives of her children and the Bible. She lied.
She ex.

My recent foray into sweetness apologized. I think I'm giving Mocha Ma'am - MM! - time...more time.
I'm okay with it, being slow and steady.


Posts: 6019 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

random red shirt joke

Nothing I post is random....oh wait everything I post is random & rambling.

Slow and steady wins the race, unless your wife is racing fast and loose. In which case she wrecks her chassis, then takes and sells half your shit to pay for the new paintjob.

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 6:17 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its all addict behaviour; it doesnt matter if its a substance or a 'feeling' (like validation, love addiction, admiration, etc...). At one point or another, we've (BMz) all dealt with an addict.

WR,
I know you feel the need to ACT, to do 'something'; we've been there. I can honestly say that the best thing you can do is to look after yourself. detach, eat well, meet your friends IRL, go bowling or catch a movie. DETACHing (Dont Even Try And Change Her) is an important concept within the 180. Your 180 IS NOT to force your WW to think/feel a certain way or to make her change something about her thoughts or behaviour; its about PROTECTING yourself and being good to yourself and taking the power back in your R to the point where she doesnt get to manipulate you.

Theres a nice mantra here on SI which I couldnt find, so I'll improvise. you dont need to be someones Option.

(which sidetracks me to a thought about being 'Mr Plan B', maybe we should name the menz thread 'Plan B Men' - which is a depressing thought. old faithful, the fallback guy... yeeesh, this is really depressing the heck outta me... I'll stop now)

ETA: typos

[This message edited by noescape at 8:16 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just B your own plan A.
That's all I got to say.

Other than you n me an h0peless
are gonna have a beer.


Posts: 6019 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
noescape
♂ Member
Member # 34888
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just B your own plan A.

word!!!

jj... you DA man

i'll take you up on that beer someday for real. h0pless is more than invited.


Posts: 739 | Registered: Feb 2012
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm afraid Tred's invited too.

( & Jimmi & wal &...)


Posts: 6019 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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