A year out it is still hard for me to read and comment here.
It does get easier. TIME heals these wounds. I know that seems hard and unimaginable - but it's true.
I am a different story. I never received confirmation. No reasons or excuses. No proof anything happened.
Am I better for it? I don't know yet.
I do know I don't have the mind movies. I don't know what they exchanged as far as I miss you's, I love you, the sex was great.
I believe in the long run - this will help us. We are doing good. Almost a year out. My marriage is secure. We are intimate, our communication is at its best, and we are happy.
We have our bad times. During this time he is reassuring, loving, and thoughtful.
I've done a ton of work on myself. I work out, eat healthy, and overall look out for myself and our daughter.
I am cynical tho. I no longer trust blindly and always trust, but verify. I hate the new me. I am no longer open and trusting. When I meet new people, I am quiet and shy. I keep my walls up.
It's a new you - and you can have a better relationship for it.
Us it work? Hell yes. It's not for p******. It takes more work than to just walk away. I've considered the latter, trust me.
I love my WH. I'm committed to making it work - this time. I've already made it crystal fucking clear - he EVER chooses to do this again - he can go fuck himself. Divorce will be the ONLY option.
Hugs and good luck. Hold on tight - it's a crazy ass ride.
Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Us it work? Hell yes. It's not for p******. It takes more work than to just walk away.
Not necessarily. Walking away is hard too. There are plenty of stories in D/S and NB to support that.
R or D... it's all hard.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
It may work for you now, pew, however I would recommend you read up on our many members who are here after years or more of rugsweeping and finding infidelity happening again and now having to deal with a new infidelity as well as drudging up the painful first infidelity that they knew about so long ago but never dealt with.
Time heals nothing.... time only makes the memory hurt less.
In your post you say that "[you] hate the new [you]. Then you say "it's a new you - and you can have a better relationship for it."
My question is, and I am not judging you or saying you are wrong, if you hate yourself, then how can you have a better relationship?
I do, however, disagree with you that it takes more effort to live in R than to ask for a D. I honestly believe that I am taking the road of least resistance in staying, because like you my H has admitted that he had an EA. But, he doesn't consider it an A. While I am pretty sure that it was a PA. Like you, I have no proof. But I have reconciled myself to giving him a year to come clean. We get a little closer to the truth each time we talk, and we do talk.
He does acknowledge that he hurt me and gives me reasons why, but I am not getting even close to the truth yet. I am doing a good job of rug sweeping myself so again I am not judging you, I just believe that people who choose to D because of an A are not weak by any means. We are all struggling here and living our lives the best way we know how at the moment.
It takes more work than to just walk away.
I believe whatever path we are on, IT TAKES WORK! One doesn't necessarily take more work than another. The fallout of infidelity effects us all harshly and putting your life back together is incredibly hard work for all of us.
It takes more work than to just walk away.
But why try not to come here? You can still share your story and since you are R you can share your trials along that path.
I never received confirmation. No reasons or excuses. No proof anything happened
He states it wasn't an EA since it was inappropriate - but because there was never feelings/sexual innuendo discussed.
If he's getting away with this garbage and you haven't pulled him into a poly test yet, then you are rug sweeping. He's never told you the truth about it, so he's never had to get to the root of why he had an inappropriate relationship with another woman, so there isn't a real R there. It's rug sweeping. You might not like to admit that that's what it is, but after a year and still no answers, that's exactly what it is. I'm sorry to break it to you.
What if he did not sleep with her? Is it that naive of me to try to believe him?
Yes - he was calling and texting a co-worker. He hid it from me. But I have no clue what they discussed. He says it was work and it was a friendship only. I know they always say that...
I don't know what else to do to find out. It's over - I know that.
I tried everything to get texts. I bought wonder share and an irecover stick.
I'm tired of being a detective. But I want my M and a real R.
What do I do?