Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller
There's nothing in your profile, but from what I've been able to gather, your H is a pillar in the community, was on AFF, and you're betrayed after 20 years. Can you tell us more about your relationship and your H?
I ask because because when you have someone who's this:
school board, church counsel, generous neighbor, volunteer coach
Is he in IC?
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
It is so sad that they are willing to risk their reputations and morals to sneak around and screw some slezebag slut. Even a 1.5yr later I am still in shock that he lowered himself to that level. He still doesn't "get it", even though we now have no mutual friends and complains that people are treating him differently lately and he doesn't know why????
It is almost more that I can take. He knows this too. Friends will sit there and sing his praises to me and I am kicking him under the table!
We had a really bad evening when we went to a dinner for a great producer who was retiring.
There was a woman there who has known us since we were dating.
She went on and on about how it was so wonderful that we were still together, how it is so difficult in this business to stay together, how she was proud of us...blah, blah, blah. Then she started crying with joy at our fortitude!UGH!!!
What could I have said to her other that 'thank you'?
I wish I could have said "Well we have been together for a long time but Mr. Happy brought a ho-worker into our lives for about 6.5 years. He ignored our kids and me while he fu*ked her around the corner from our home for years! I would be waiting for him to come home from work, confused at his change in behavior, but all the while trusting him...We are still reeling from the grief and loss...The jury is still our as to whether I will stay with this douche...but hey, we are still standing."
Can't say that can we???
I started crying at the bar so we had to go. I cussed him out the whole way home. Needless to say it was not a great evening!
I am trying to get over him bring the Nefka into our lives. I am still stumbling over my 'New Normal'.
I mean really, nothing says modern marital bliss than your husband having a lta with a sexually available ho-worker!!
You know what really bites me though?!? I never wanted to be common. No offense to anyone here.
Like everyone else here, I had no idea! After 34 years of marriage I thought we had beat the odds.
Hey Triple, I guess you struck a nerve!
Mr. Happy is doing his best to make me feel loved and wanted...protected. *sigh* Like someones tagline says~
Don't look back, its not where your going.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Better that crying!
Seriously I really need the right response to these Mr Triple fans.
It's a tough call when your WH is the 'big man on campus'.
I wanted to shout it out to the world that Mr. Happy was an adulterer, but I have 3 young adults. Two of which work in the business. So I just cannot put them through any more harm. His stupid A has been quite enough for one lifetime.
Nefka was a ho-worker so he had to get rid of her or all bets were off here at the house.
So he had to let his employers know what he had been up to. That took him down a few notches without hurting the kids.
I am just now surfacing from the pain and grief. We are going into year 3 from DD. Mr. Happy has turned himself inside out trying to make things better at home and in general.
I am getting a brand new kitchen
But the blanket response I have when folks are waxing rhapsodic about him is a watery smile and a mummered thanks for noticing...and then a kick under the table!
What is really funny is his reaction to all of this adulation. His eyes get large and he grips my hand because we both know what a douche he has been!
We have been a pair though thick and thin. I think we are going to make it.
Thoughtiknewya- I'm curious how you made such an insightful observation with very limited information - what tipped you off?
I never wanted to be common. No offense to anyone here.
I really need the right response to these Mr Triple fans.
Spend as much time as you can learning about narcissism and how to deal with narcissistic people before you decide how to respond, if you want to respond, at all.
Currently I am not attending church with the vicar. I am just so over everyone telling me how fortunate I am to be married to such a great guy! Hey even I used to think this!
We have been quiet about his affairs (except at my work). I find it hard as I feel like a hypocrite and that I am complicit with it by keeping the secret.
He has 2 lovely sisters who adore and admire him so much. I dread them ever finding out as they would be so hurt. I am sure they think even his farts are fragrant!
He tells me he is not 'that man' any more. He is remorseful and seems to be doing everything right.....finally.
However 'that man' he is who everyone thinks has always been a saint. Just as long as he never ventures into my work environment - there the truth is out.
I wonder how long I will need to see this new man for before I can see the affairs as part of our past and not our present.
He had a complete hidden alternate life...gay affairs. He wanted everyone to believe he was the person he portrayed, to the extent of hurting the ones closest to him to keep it hidden.
After d-day, and his begging me to try, and the MC and IC and blah, blah, blah. I told no one except for my mom and his brother. It was horrible hearing everyone tell me how wonderful my ex was. Horrible.
Needless to say, he wasn't strong enough and was back to cheating within a few months and I left. Now everyone knows and he isn't golden boy any longer. Whatever.
But, he did tell me one time, he felt like he deserved to cheat on me. He deserved it.
My IC says he is a either NPD or Boderline personality. The bottom line, they always do what is best for themselves first. At some level EX recognizes this...that he puts himself first...he did say one time he was trying to figure out how to make the right decisions. But, he won't stay in therapy and I no longer care.
But, I remember that feeling. It sucks.
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I’ve also heard over the years what a great man he is - community person, great co-worker, great father, son, son-in-law blah blah. You name it, he’s always there for everyone. Actually, all those things are true. And honestly, I always thought he was a good person too – some days I would think to myself “I wish I could be as good as he”. I always knew anyone could be tempted to cheat – but I really believed that if he was faced with it, he just wouldn’t ever follow through with it – it just wasn’t in his character. I was just blown away when I discovered the emails. In fact, the first few emails I read – I thought to myself “there is some mistake here, I’m missing something, there is just no way he would cheat”
At the moment, we’re having some family issues and a co-worker of his emailed me and said “he is a great man”. Yeah. I really wanted to email that person back and say “you really want to know how great he is…let me tell you a few things”.
I have the most wonderful husband ever!!!! Little do they know.....
About 18 months ago, he was honored at a party with a speech saying what a wonderful CEO he was....door always open( especially to horse-faced ho-worker), honest(I laughed out loud at the dinner), kind, understanding, sympathetic, etc. I wanted to puke.
Then, someone else called him Yoda! Yoda? Are you kidding me....the man who couldn't say no to ho worker in fear of being sued, but could solve any other business problem in any industry possible?
Really, you know what? It's all bullshit! They have no idea who he is!
Thanks for letting me vent...felt good to get rid of it today!
I've had people who care about me be very cautious in approaching me about issues they see in MrH. They only approached me because they had BTDT and so knew how important it was for me to not keep myself in denial.
Other friends, once they knew I preferred truth over whitewashing, would tell me the things that irritated them about MrH. It sure helped me feel not so crazy that I was seeing flaws where everyone else saw a great guy.
Believe me, people see things in your H that they don't like. They just don't share it with you.