Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: turdlben (45332)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He told me he feels caged....
stungbytravel
♀ Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


He says he hasn't been out with friends in a really long time so he went to a BBQ tonight.

Caged?? Is this normal WS behavior?


Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
allfalldown
♀ Member
Member # 39324
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH said something similar. He went to a ballgame tonight with guy friends. This is the first time out since dday.


Dday 5-10-13
1 year + EA/PA (still TT)
Me- BW
Him- WH
M- 15 years
2 kiddos
Today's forecast is foggy with a chance of D.

"Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie"


Posts: 58 | Registered: May 2013 | From: hell on earth
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How come you could not go to the BBQ? Don't you eat BBQ?

How about the ballgame...You don't like Baseball??

I am not saying that you must go everywhere with your WH but they need to understand that the dynamics of the marriage has changed.

HELLO, they had an A behind your back and sometimes right in your trusting face!

So maybe the convo could go like this~

"Hey hon, do you want to go with me to the BBQ/Ballgame? I would love for you to be there with me." Then you say because you would like for them to feel that you are starting to trust them again, "No babe, I'm good, go enjoy your friends, I'll be here with a little 'surprise' when you get home "

SEE, its easy!

Anything less from them lets you know that they don't get it. Your not their mom, your their lover, they should want you around them.

Sheesh!


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Athena1979
♀ Member
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont understand why you weren't invited.

If I feel caged, I would want to go out with people I love to be around...so, hey, why not take my lovely wife out and share some good memories!

Sometimes, guys do just hang out together, I guess. Mine had some guy friends who just hung out in the mechanics garage and drink beer.

But then again, maybe he just said that and he was with another prostitute. Idk.

It's sad when the trust is gone. Everything is questioned. But that should be expected, especially by the lying party.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
stungbytravel
♀ Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, June 15th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said he should take me and he said it was guys only.

I said that makes no sense. I said given everything he should take me. He again said its just guys. So I asked if ow was going to be there he said I don't know. So much for guys only.

He doesn't get it. He doesn't want to spend time with me or his daughter.


Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
thisissogross
♀ Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may have been extreme but, my h didn't go anywhere alone for over a year after dday. I just wasn't comfortable with it-so he didn't. He also never complained about it. Ever. If he had I may have moved out (I did for a time eventually-but that's another story). Anyway, he knew to expect a HUGE reaction if that need was violated.

Interestingly, I'm normally the one in the relationship who needs the most 'me' time. It took quite a while and a whole bunch of healing for my solitary ways to return.


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 240 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
MystiKay
♀ Member
Member # 36401
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow...i am so sorry. What a jerk thing to do. The minute he said "I don't know" to the OW question, that should have made him realize it was not the best thing to go to the BBQ, with or without you.

And baseball, I am not a fan, but he could have at least invited you!!! After My DD this past year ALL extra activities stopped.


Posts: 282 | Registered: Aug 2012
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He again said its just guys. So I asked if ow was going to be there he said I don't know


W.T.F.????? What a completely OBVIOUS contradiction to his insistence that it was 'guys only'. If the BBQ was definitively 'guys only', then the response to your question should have been "hell no, stung. I TOLD you that it's 'guys only'." But he replied with the oh-so-lovely "idk." He's a jackass.

To answer your question....Sure. Feeling 'caged' is normal WS behavior....if your WS is UNREMORSEFUL!!!


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...So I asked if ow was going to be there he said I don't know.

WTF!!! This is what I mean by cheating right in your face.

What kind of moron would go to a 'guys only'BBQ with the possibility of the OW being there and then admit to it?!?

I don't mean to sound harsh but why do you put up with that?? He has de-humanized and Mommie-fied you so that he can step on you with impunity. Please don't let Mr. SBT treat you like a doormat. Please.

You need to find your Bitch Boots and drop kick his crap to the curb.

((((stungbytravel))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
sammie
♀ Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting to happy is 100% right.

You need to open the cage door and set him free!

And by that I mean put all his shit in garbage bags, throw it on the lawn and change the locks.

Hugs.

[This message edited by sammie at 4:41 AM, June 16th (Sunday)]


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
stungbytravel
♀ Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is suppose to move out soon

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he is moving out soon, let him go and take care of you.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
stungbytravel
♀ Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I could figure out how to let him go, I would.

Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is no magic way to let someone go.

It will take time, so until you get there you fake it til you make it. Pretend you don't give a shit about him, 180 and let him believe you are content to move on.

Why would you want someone to believe you love them with all you are when they sit back and treat you like crap?

No, start doing things for you, spend your days with friends and family, walk out of the house with a "see you later" and go for the day.

Don't let him walk on your heart anymore.

It will hurt, but his treatment is so much worse than being alone IMO.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh then he is still cheating still he if on his way out the door. I bet other woman was there. "I don't know" is the universal cheater response for, "I don't want to lie but I am damn sure not telling you the truth". His behavior says it all, she was there and he is still seeing her. Fuck him, start the 180 and move on from his ass.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Athena1979
♀ Member
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How to do it? I know the BBQ is over, but, like the other poster said, put his stuff in bags and change the locks for a fun surprise when he gets back.

I did it! It was the most wonderful gratifying feeling ever!


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
stungbytravel
♀ Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As much as I would love to put his stuff in a bag and leave it outside, I want the house and he has agreed to leave. He could make it much more difficult and if it goes before the court I won't get the house because of the minor child. She is barely a minor but an attorney has already advised me place nice if he will agree to leave.

This day cannot go any slower.


Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
NoMorDeceit
♀ Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Caged" is shorthand for I can't do what I want when I want and that almost always involves seeing/screwing the OP.

No, remoreseful spouses who have ended the affair and accepted that being married means you don't get to date, do not say they feel "caged" when they have to either spend time with their spouse or be accountable for where they are going.

He didn't want you there because he was bringing the OW, since he has told you he is leaving, I'm sure he has told her and all his buddies he is divorcing so he can have her around now.

You need to focus on you and not him or his fucked-upness. I'm sorry. I hope he leaves soon so you don't have to put up with this.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 534 | Registered: Apr 2009
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, June 16th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's still cheating. If he's "supposed" to move out soon, maybe he needs his shit packed into hefty bags and out on the front lawn for him to take when he gets back from the BBQ to help him along.

He's being an ass. You can give him the choice of staying home from events like this or have the consequences I mention above. He definitely does not sound like someone who is working on their marriage. He can choose on his own what road he wants to take but you need to follow through with whatever you decide what the consequence is.

((hugs))


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
stungbytravel
♀ Member
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I don't think he is working on the marriage either.

I went out yesterday and stayed out for most of the day. He went and looked at houses to rent with his daughter but I got the impression from her it didn't go so well.


Posts: 263 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.