she has been speaking to someone. legally, her actions have dictated that she had abandoned the marital home. that would be a huge step in awarding primary custody to you.
you will need to speak to your attorney about establishing a temporary custody situation. she already has a second residence. she is the one who moved out.
again, it boils down you speaking to your attorney. ASAP! I know the overtime would be prohibitively expensive, but do you have an after hours number you can call your attorney?
calm down, the games are just beginning. she can claim whatever she wants! it's what she can prove. so far her actions have shown you to be the better parent. remember, she is the one who left the children in your care, in the marital home. that doesn't speak well to her being afraid of leaving the children alone with you now does it.
e.t.a twitchy is right. I don't see any way you can prevent her from moving back in if the house is in her name. separate bedrooms, lock the door.
is there a family member that can come over?
[This message edited by 5454real at 7:32 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]
Document everything, including all the crazy from her. Her f'd up decision making, when spelled out later in detail, will be her undoing.
[This message edited by Twitchy at 7:32 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot
As the previous two posters mentioned, get to your lawyer NOW. Try to get temp orders (custody and use of the house) so that she cant use this threat anymore.
She's already abandoned the house (and has a lease in her name to prove it).
Don't tell her you're going to do it. Just do it.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.
Two pages back you said she was on the "mortgage" and that you were thinking you'd need to pay her half the equity of the house.
Now you say the house is leased?
Which is it? Because that does make a big difference. And I'm not sure how you could be unsure of which it is.
Something is not right, here.
Either way, you can keep her from moving in. Go to your lawyer tomorrow. Or wait til later in the week and watch her move in. The lawyer will take care if this tomorrow, if you call him/her and stress the urgency.
She just called again and declared again that "the only thing that is acceptable is 50/50 custody." So arrogantly thinking she can dictate the agreement. Her usual clueless bullying tactics.
I texted my attorney and told her whats going on. She absolutely can't see me before Wednesday.
My wife is going to be out of town until Friday, so I doubt (hope) she won't speak to an attorney before then to do something stupid like somehow serve papers on me demanding I leave our home.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.
Since she's going to be out-of-town this week, it's a perfect time to do the NC thing without having to worry about her 'showing up'.
There really isn't anything that you need to talk to her about at this point and there's definitely absolutely nothing that she needs to talk to you about. She's just trying to get you all twisted up....and she's doing a mighty fine job of it.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
You absolutely need to profitably use this time to get your ducks in a row.
Since she is out of town until Friday, hopefully you can have the paperwork to hand her upon her return granting you temporary custody and living arrangements based on the current agreed to practice. Has that been a 50/50 proposition? Who has had the children more? Set up temporary C/S and S/S based on her current(and former) income levels. At those support levels, what is the likelihood she could afford the house around the corner.
Yes, you currently appear to have the upper hand, but the longer you delay the more advantage you cede to her. It definitely sounds like she has lawyered up.
[This message edited by 5454real at 8:25 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]
Listen, she is hoovering you. Meaning again she went from hugging you and giving love bombs to the next day threatening you that she is moving back in.
Again. Take a deep breathe.
Get all paperwork together that you will need for the attorney on Wednesday. Get all your ducks in a row.
Title is generally irrelevant in family law. It does not matter whose names are on deeds, mortgages etc. The abandonment concept is not relevant. Because you have no temp orders, she has the right to move back. Please make sure you change that as soon as you can.
[This message edited by roughroadahead at 9:07 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]
The best defense is a good offence. Do not do kid exchanges at your house anymore. ALWAYS go somewhere else to meet her.
Teach your kids to get out on the passenger side of the car. You stay on the drivers side.
Program your phone to play the "silence" ring tone. Do not answer it. Set it to NOT notify you of incoming texts. Look for contact from her no more than 2 times a day when you have the kids.
I encourage you to read up on boundaries and start working on plugging every hole and pore that lets her get to you.
WAR ON LOVEBOMBS. They are toxic.
Expect her to cut her trip short.
Start looking at alternative housing for you and the kids. If she starts taking action on trying to get back in the house, you can let her know you will include the cost of you moving into a rental to get away from her in your CS demands.
Then she can start thinking about what it will cost for her to be on the hook for her apartment rent, the mortgage, AND your new rental home.
You may find the process of searching for new housing empowering. Give it a try.
Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.
You are doing sooo much better than when you first came here. You are now clearly aware of the game and how it's played. Well done on that.
But now, you have to go against much of your nature in order to win this game.
You are a nice person, you are naturally honest, fair and care about others. Your WW knows this and will use your good nature against you. Example, the constant contact. She knows that it is not in your nature to be "rude" and ignore her. So she will keep emailing, calling, texting, etc, with the crazy, to keep you off balance.
Shut her down.
No more contact at all unless it's an emergency - A real emergency that involves fire, death or dismemberment. Let her calls go to voicemail. Any emails that do not have a bonafide question that needs to be answered (What time will you pick up the kids?) should get crickets. Everything else document and save for later in case you need it.
Do you have proof that she signed an apartment lease or documentation that she moved out? Like an email from her saying she got an apartment? If you do, I would then change the locks. She moved out. Sucks to be her. For this one I would ask for forgiveness and not permission. You need piece of mind.