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Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Abbondad Part 3...
philly172
♀ Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I texted my attorney and told her whats going on. She absolutely can't see me before Wednesday.

I'm stunned by this..Are you sure you've got a good attorney? my reason is they are to work FOR you & be available (within reason) If you texted your attorney with fears & she did nothing to alleviate them or to squeeze you in some way, she doesn't seem to have you best interest at heart..

My (well WH & I) attorney is a dumb ass handling WH insurance settlement case & when I e-mailed him that WH had a stroke & I needed POA, he offered to come to the hospital THAT night & also offered to squeeze me in the following day.. Since it wasn't urgent I was able to wait until WH was out of the hospital for him to sign the POA on his own but that's just an example of an attorney working FOR you.

Heck, when I was talking to D attorneys, every one of them offered to see me either that day or the next day, just seems to me that your attorney isn't too available for you


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4779 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, everyone,

I finally have my financial affadavit completed and am ready to roll when I meet with my attorney on Wednesday.

No surrender, no retreat.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you sure you've got a good attorney?

I'm not sure what to say....

She came highly recommended by several people in my divorce support group for whom she won excellent settlements in cases fraught with even more Crazy than mine.

They say she is tough as nails and knows every nuance and detail of family/divorce/custody law.

The three times I did confer with her I was very impressed. While she was sympathetic to my emotional state at the time, she was ultimately all hard-nosed business. She is very involved with children's rights, winning awards and recognition for pro bono work in this legal area.

My WW met with a renowned prick of an attorney. I assume this is whom she will retain. I informed my attorney of this, and she coolly informed me that she has dealt with him before and I have nothing to worry about.

My therapist--who was a mediator for years--dealt with both my wife's presumed attorney as well as with mine. She (my therapist) basically told me my attorney will take no shit and will kick his ass for me should it get ugly.

So... I don't know what else I should be looking for.

Thanks!


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
million pieces
♀ Member
Member # 27539
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Often the best attorneys are often unavailable if they are in court. Some things just take precedence.


Me - 42
2 kids, 9 and 11
D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later
Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: MD
standingonmarble
♀ Member
Member # 31217
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are paying your lawyer to fight for you not nurse your emotional state, that is what your therapist is for. Sounds like she is up for the games that are coming.


At one time he was a man standing on marbles. Now I am a woman standing on marble.....

We are done fighting with each other and decide to fight FOR each other.


Posts: 737 | Registered: Feb 2011
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup I would have to say that it's not that unusual for an Attorney to not be available especially since you aren't all in. If she is the pit bull she is supposed to be then she is probably very very busy.
In addition once you file, and she is actually really working for you, you will most likely find her more available for you. Also trust that she knows the law and the rules better than anyone, and even though it may seem like a HUGE deal to you at the moment, she may know that there is nothing she can do until you actually get the filing done, and the amount of time that will take isn't available until your slotted time on Wed.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8222 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Before your meeting get a list of your priorities. Needs vs wants. Highest to lowest. Establish what is negotiable and what is not.

Ask if a temporary custody schedule/support is possible. Check the changing the lock situation. Remember, she has already moved out.

Take all of your documentation. Journals, texts and var copies. Establish exactly what the parenting schedule has been using that documentation. Establish her acknowledging the fact that she has already moved out(the recording of her threatening you with moving back in).

Organize and footnote/index all of the info for easy reference. The more she can get into the temporary decree the better for you. The quicker she can find it the cheaper .

DO NOT TELL WW about any of this. You are in the pre-emptive strike mode right now. When she returns Friday(inform your lawyer of this) you want to hand her the initial decree. Please, do this in a witnessed area. Her stability is suspect.

Good Job so far brother!

Strength from one who has BTDT


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2722 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Luck tomorrow. Remember to stand up for yourself and your kids.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2722 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:08 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck today!


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7310 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone,

I'm feeling nervous, but strong and determined.

I have my financial affadavit, scraps of records here and there (I could have been more organized at the time different things happened), my VAR, tax returns from the last three years.

Any other suggestions on what to bring?

Before your meeting get a list of your priorities. Needs vs wants.

Don't mean to sound ignorant, but... Do you mean, for example,

I need to stay in my home with my children. They need to maintain the same standard of living they were used to during the marriage. They also need to remain in the school district. Therefore they need maximum CS and I need SS.

I want to keep my entire pension.

etc.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:05 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes, although the house would probably be considered a want.

strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2722 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my STBXWW finds out I have filed--as well as what I am asking for--she is going to explode with all her venom.

1) should I tell her?
2) should I hand her the papers?
3) should I just have her served?

Also, the reason she will freak is months ago I assured her that we would not go the traditional route, involving attorneys, high cost, and of course, "not doing what's in the best interest of the children."

When she levels this against me--that I "broke my promise," any suggestions for a response? I know, her saying that is insane for the obvious reasons, so I am tempted to retort from among a thousand cutting retorts.

But I am thinking of something non-committal like "circumstances have changed." (One of which is her unilaterally canceling mediation, among more serious actions like my son being exposed to that pic and then taking him to his domicile, which is something SHE promised she would not do.)

But I suspect your advice to me will be " crickets" or "talk to my attorney."

Again, I don't want to engage in a fight with her.

Thank you.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have her served, no warning because of her manipulation tactics of late.

When she explodes, your only answer is that when she cancelled mediation, this was the only course of action you had left. Then, walk away, and do no engage again.

I know some will say total NC, but sometimes I think a simple explanation, one line, is a good thing to do. Then ignore the crazy after. You gave her an answer; it isn't your fault she didn't like it.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5421 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
ExposedNiblet
♀ Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure how things work in the States, but if you can have her served by a 3rd party, I'd go for it. You don't need the crazy.

AD, you've been told time & time again to go NC with this woman. You really have no choice but to do it now, in order to avoid any kind of fight. I'm sure your lawyer will tell you what to say if STBX tries to contact you. Expect the crazy to be amped up big-time. It won't matter to you because you will be NC.

You'll be fine, Abbondad. Remember, we've all walked this road. We were all terrified, just like you.

We all survived. You will too.

Good luck today. Stay strong.

Your personal Hell is coming to an end.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending positive vibes for a good meeting with your attorney today. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please plan to do something good for your emotional state immediately after you leave the office. Treat yourself to an icecream or something. Go for a run. Pick a healthy coping strategy. And know you can get through whatever thoughts and feelings come up. Let them come up, let your body and heart process them, then let them go. Breathe! 15 deep breaths always helps me!


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1122 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
grace68
♀ Member
Member # 28241
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Have her served by a 3rd party.

2. Crickets. If she actually has the nerve to get angry at you for breaking a promise at this point, why on earth do you think anything you could retort back would even be heard?


Me - BS
Him - Doesn't Matter
Status: Divorced

Posts: 109 | Registered: Apr 2010
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your personal Hell is coming to an end.

Thank you for that. It's all I have ever wanted.

(In my attorneys waiting room right now.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't worry about her reaction that's not your problem. You broke your word? That's what you are worried about? How about the bazillion times she broke hers?
Have her served, and have absolutely zero contact unless it has to do with the kids.
Hope all goes well today.

((((strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8222 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you talk to her, you will be "engaging in a fight with her". You stated that you knew our answers to your question (for the most part) would be "crickets".

You can't stop her texts or email, but you should just NOT be TALKING to her. PERIOD. You know this.

If one of the kids is sick..email. If there's a short kid-related message...text.

If you talk to her, you are engaging. It also sounds like you still think that you can talk her into reason. You cannot.

Let her be served. Have her respond, legally to the divorce petition. Or continue to feed into the drama and be miserable.

You know exactly what you need to do. It's just not what you want to do. Well, none of us wanted to do it either. But we did, and we lived.

The crazy doesn't stop until you let it.


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
woundedwidow
♀ Member
Member # 36869
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have her served by a 3rd party. Do NOT tell her in advance. Do NOT hand her the papers yourself - this is a recipe for total disaster for YOU. After she has received the papers, go NC. ANY conversation you have with her will lead to an argument. You have crossed the Rubicon by filing (and that's a GOOD thing, btw), and there is no more mediation, discussion, etc. that can occur between the two of you. Let your attorney do his or her job. That's what your paying for - not only for the attorney's legal expertise, but so that s/he can act as a shield and a barrier between you and your toxic STBX, which is something that you NEED. Please take full advantage of it.


Be careful what you wish for the most - you may get it.

Posts: 370 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 449
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