Just the thought of this all going on makes me feel so... destroyed. I'd give my life for her, and knowing that she can keep a straight face and lie to me the entire time makes me so indignant, so angry, and hurt.
I'm going to read up more on how I should confront, but the fact of the matter is this: This IS an affair, and I'm going to base my response on whether or not to R or D on her reaction.
Wish me luck, everyone. It's time to end this and confront.
Keep posting, we are all here to support each other, so our responses may seem a bit harsh, it's bcause we will call you out on bullshi! when we think it's bullshi!.
Wishing you strength. Confrontation rarely yields the results we are looking for. I like your plan of basing your path on her reaction, since you already have the truth in front of you.
We're here for you.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
I also issued her the following choices (well, more like ultimatums if we wanted to stay married):
1) You will go NC with the OMs and show me that you've done so.
2) You no longer have a phone password (or any other password) that is hidden from me, and I can check these at any time. In turn, you receive mine.
3) You will delete your Kik Messenger and not replace it with anything else.
4) You will delete all sexters from your MyFitnessPal account and set better boundaries moving forward. I will also check this regularly.
5) We will make an honest effort to rebuild trust through honesty and open communication in all areas of our marriage, which may include couples therapy if we need it.
6) Violating any of these terms, lying to me, or engaging in any more As means that I am within my right to end the marriage and move on.
For lack of a better expression, I threw down the gauntlet and laid everything out. Faced with my feelings and the facts, she broke down, cried and admitted to me that she was still happy and that she loved me, but that something is missing sexually and she was using sexting to fill that void. My wife is not a person that can cry on command, so I'm convinced that her emotions are real. Based on that, We're going to begin the long road of R. She knows that she has a VERY long time before I can fully trust her again, and that she's going to have to earn it back, but she seemed genuinely remorseful and eager to make things right.
Be very careful in thinking those are tears of remorse.
They very well could be tears for herself..because she was caught..embarrassed..worried that she had to let the OM go..etc.
They may be tears of remorse. Time will tell.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Get her to be specific about what is missing sexually and try and remove that as an excuse. Some women get bored with marital sex rather quickly and need a high from cheating to maintain their continued interest. Naturally this is totally unacceptable.
but that something is missing sexually and she was using sexting to fill that void
You did good......I hope you didn't reveal all your sources.