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Newest Member: keljoack (44931)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Caught Wife Sexting - is more going on?
unsure84
♂ New Member
Member # 39565
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know, I know... I should have left the "Just" off of it. Thank you guys for helping me to come to my senses on this. You are right.... ditch the P or the E and it's still an A. You can only polish a turd so much. At the end of the day, it's still a turd.

Just the thought of this all going on makes me feel so... destroyed. I'd give my life for her, and knowing that she can keep a straight face and lie to me the entire time makes me so indignant, so angry, and hurt.

I'm going to read up more on how I should confront, but the fact of the matter is this: This IS an affair, and I'm going to base my response on whether or not to R or D on her reaction.

Wish me luck, everyone. It's time to end this and confront.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Jun 2013
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

unsure - it is what it is, but before you confront, since you have waited this long, make sure you see an attorney to know what your rights are, and how to protect yourself.

Keep posting, we are all here to support each other, so our responses may seem a bit harsh, it's bcause we will call you out on bullshi! when we think it's bullshi!.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8500 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, September 17th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((unsure84)))

Wishing you strength. Confrontation rarely yields the results we are looking for. I like your plan of basing your path on her reaction, since you already have the truth in front of you.

We're here for you.


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17307 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
unsure84
♂ New Member
Member # 39565
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After roughly four months of keeping my feelings bottled up, I finally confronted my wife about the sexting and the lies. I was firm, direct, and I told her EXACTLY how I felt about it and how I went about finding it all out. I told her that the sexting, a) undermines our mutual and implicit trust in the marriage, b) shows that you have little respect for my feelings, and c) it IS an affair and you've cheated on me.

I also issued her the following choices (well, more like ultimatums if we wanted to stay married):

1) You will go NC with the OMs and show me that you've done so.
2) You no longer have a phone password (or any other password) that is hidden from me, and I can check these at any time. In turn, you receive mine.
3) You will delete your Kik Messenger and not replace it with anything else.
4) You will delete all sexters from your MyFitnessPal account and set better boundaries moving forward. I will also check this regularly.
5) We will make an honest effort to rebuild trust through honesty and open communication in all areas of our marriage, which may include couples therapy if we need it.
6) Violating any of these terms, lying to me, or engaging in any more As means that I am within my right to end the marriage and move on.

For lack of a better expression, I threw down the gauntlet and laid everything out. Faced with my feelings and the facts, she broke down, cried and admitted to me that she was still happy and that she loved me, but that something is missing sexually and she was using sexting to fill that void. My wife is not a person that can cry on command, so I'm convinced that her emotions are real. Based on that, We're going to begin the long road of R. She knows that she has a VERY long time before I can fully trust her again, and that she's going to have to earn it back, but she seemed genuinely remorseful and eager to make things right.


Posts: 10 | Registered: Jun 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Many of us saw tears when we confronted our WS's.

Be very careful in thinking those are tears of remorse.

They very well could be tears for herself..because she was caught..embarrassed..worried that she had to let the OM go..etc.

They may be tears of remorse. Time will tell.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7406 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well done unsure. You said the right things with the right attitude; I'm happy for you that she is remorseful.

Get her to be specific about what is missing sexually and try and remove that as an excuse. Some women get bored with marital sex rather quickly and need a high from cheating to maintain their continued interest. Naturally this is totally unacceptable.


Posts: 1704 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
toby
♂ Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, September 20th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job!

but that something is missing sexually and she was using sexting to fill that void
hmm....is she admitting something here or making excuses?

You did good......I hope you didn't reveal all your sources.


Posts: 1543 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 47
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