Earlier this week, I told him that I though t something was up and that I was suspicious of him having another affair but I didn't elaborate why. Of course he denied anything. The reason I am having my suspicions is that I have been monitoring his viagara and cialis pills and 10 of them are missing! Last night I found a half a viagara pill in his jacket after he returned from a weekend trip. I am not reaping the benefits of any of these used pills!!
I haven't confronted him with this evidence because I am frozen as to what to do. Should I go see a lawyer first? Line up my ducks? I don't know what to do. The last time I was on these forums was over 5 years ago. I thought it was all over with and now we are back at square one! Does anyone have any insight they can give me? Could he just be using it for masturbation? I have only got 4 hours sleep.
Trying to R
Don't reveal what you "know" or what you don't know. See, what if anything he'll own up to.
Provide him with some leading questions and see where it goes.
I don't like the fact that the pills are missing. I am no expert but has he taken them before to masturbate? Doesn't seem logical but nothing ever is with WS's.
Good luck. Let us know how it turns out.
Play it coy - let him explain if he wants to, if he doesn't, do a sharp 180 and let him wonder what's going on.
You might just make a statement such as "Yes, I did want to talk, but now I'm now so sure that it's worth the effort" and go silent.
Ask yourself - if a girlfriend told you that - would you believe it? I doubt it.
On DDay I discovered missing viagara too - and that was when I "knew" without having to ask any questions.
One missing, even two - well, maybe you could find a plausible explanation - but the amount that he's missing and having already had a prior affair- sorry, he used them with someone.
I totally agree with the post about remaining coy, because it happened to several people I know and only once to me, where anything you give of yourself may be used against you by him or an OW, if there is one.
FWIW, when I confronted Perv after hearing from OW, he tried to deny it several times and then finally, it came out.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
If I had to guess I would say they are not disappearing for masterbation purposes. He is probably getting his story straight before he gets home too, and calling whoever to find out if they called.
I would say you should probably tell him that you know something is up, Lying to get the truth is very tricky. I would also recommend that you put spyware on everything you can, his phone, computer, tablet, and a VAR in his car, and anyplace else that he spends time away from you, like a man cave etc.
DO go to a Lawyer. No Matter WHAT!!! Find out what to expect should you end up going down that road. Know what your rights are. Knowledge is power, and power is strength.
180 hard, remeber this is to protect you, not to get his to get his head out of his A**. Only he can do that.
Focus on eating, sleeping, staying hydrated, and caring for you.
Why would he have half a viagra in his jacket pocket if he was masturbating in the privacy of his own bed?
I second the idea of seeing a lawyer. Find out what your rights are and what you can expect financially. Knowledge is power. If you know what you are entitled to, you won't be operating from a place of fear.
More on the viagra chronicles, he is diabetic and got the viagra before Christmas 2012 for "us" because of his erectile difficulty due to diabetes. Howe ver, there has been no use of these pills on me despite my approaching him sexually. He has always declined any advances and I have mostly given up. I noticed one missing at Christmas and didn't pursue it . However, I took a photo of it on my cell phone for future reference. I have also taken photos of the 10 empty pill cartridges this week. Some behaviour changes prompted me to check his pills last week and I was floored to say the least.
[This message edited by scoteye13 at 9:09 PM, June 17th (Monday)]
If I were you, I would file for divorce to shock him into coming clean. I know that seems a bit extreme to you, but it may just work. Other ideas, can you monitor his cell phone, try to get into emails or texts? Right now he is probably trying to cover his tracks but maybe you can still find something.
"They cling to their bad choices out of shame, because it is far easier to continue to destroy yourself than to do the heavy work required to fix yourself." - a wiser SIer
I spent the last 7 years of my marriage having my WH threaten me with divorce. I'd catch him in a financial lie, he'd claim I treat him as nothing but a money supply and then walk out for a couple weeks. It is emotional abuse pure and simple.
It is a technique used to control you.
It only works if you are afraid.
This is why you need to go see a lawyer. Right now his threats to divorce you strike fear in you. You may be afraid of losing him and the love you have, but that is already missing. You may be afraid of what will happen to you financially. A lawyer will tell you exactly what you can expect financially. I imagine Canada is like the US, where spousal and child support gets calculated by a computer program.
Ask yourself if you want to live with this kind of man. A NORMAL man would have talked to you calmly. He would never have thrown a tantrum. He would never have threatened divorce.
His tantrums are a form of control also.
Your WH is controling and abusive. It's possible he is overly narcissistic too. Narcissists tend to rage when their self image is threatened.
He is not the prize you are. Don't let him reverse roles on you.