Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: NeverAgain0 (44719)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Going crazy with suspicious behaviour!
scoteye13
♀ New Member
Member # 39569
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just got off the phone with former WH and called his bluff saying he has some explaining to do because " someone called me." His reaction was ominously calm. He just said "okay, we'll talk when I get home". He is at a doctors appointment now. To backtrack, I made up the "someone called me" story just to see what his reaction was. He didn't question me or anything which is not the usual reaction for him, a possible red flag to me. Second guessing my gut feeling and I am not sure because I don't know what is up or down right down, in panic mode.

Earlier this week, I told him that I though t something was up and that I was suspicious of him having another affair but I didn't elaborate why. Of course he denied anything. The reason I am having my suspicions is that I have been monitoring his viagara and cialis pills and 10 of them are missing! Last night I found a half a viagara pill in his jacket after he returned from a weekend trip. I am not reaping the benefits of any of these used pills!!

I haven't confronted him with this evidence because I am frozen as to what to do. Should I go see a lawyer first? Line up my ducks? I don't know what to do. The last time I was on these forums was over 5 years ago. I thought it was all over with and now we are back at square one! Does anyone have any insight they can give me? Could he just be using it for masturbation? I have only got 4 hours sleep.


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northern Ontario
NotsureIcan
♀ Member
Member # 38113
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Going back to last year I wish I would have gone with my gut feelings to verify. My husband was always a man of his word...until then. He had been having an affair for over a month before I even paid attention. If I were you, I would ask your husband exactly where he is and then go there to verify it. If he's had an affair before, you have the right!!

______________________________

WH-47
BW(me)-44
D-day 11/06/12
Trying to R


Posts: 120 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Florida
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 11:36 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I were you I'd go fishing.

Don't reveal what you "know" or what you don't know. See, what if anything he'll own up to.

Provide him with some leading questions and see where it goes.

I don't like the fact that the pills are missing. I am no expert but has he taken them before to masturbate? Doesn't seem logical but nothing ever is with WS's.

Good luck. Let us know how it turns out.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1105 | Registered: Apr 2013
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've been through this before.... many of us here have been through A's more than once.... since you have some knowledge of past behavior I would only monitor vigilantly at this point... get your ducks in order just in case you discover the worst! See that attorney to find out your rights.... do everything you need to to protect yourself first...
Take care of you... and monitor, monitor, monitor! There are now so many more ways to monitor than ever before.... unfortunately the technology is also so good there are ways to hide an A too
Do the investigation work first.... since this is not your first go round the amount of evidence you need is probably less than the first time.... you know what to look for unfortunately.... so sorry you find yourself back here again.

Posts: 1178 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
k9lover1
♀ Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO NOT reveal any sources or info you have.

Play it coy - let him explain if he wants to, if he doesn't, do a sharp 180 and let him wonder what's going on.

You might just make a statement such as "Yes, I did want to talk, but now I'm now so sure that it's worth the effort" and go silent.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8096 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
LivingALie
♀ Member
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Using it for masturbation? Do you really think that might be true? Personally, I think thats false hope. And would he need so many for that?

Ask yourself - if a girlfriend told you that - would you believe it? I doubt it.

On DDay I discovered missing viagara too - and that was when I "knew" without having to ask any questions.

One missing, even two - well, maybe you could find a plausible explanation - but the amount that he's missing and having already had a prior affair- sorry, he used them with someone.


Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Nov 2007
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's bothering you as much as "going crazy", maybe lining up some ducks in a row would help? I found that the only thing I could do when I got to that point (which was nerves, for me) was to work on it. I read and still do about psychology and affairs and found Si and interviewed lawyers and it helped because I could work on life in a way that wasn't passive anymore.

I totally agree with the post about remaining coy, because it happened to several people I know and only once to me, where anything you give of yourself may be used against you by him or an OW, if there is one.

FWIW, when I confronted Perv after hearing from OW, he tried to deny it several times and then finally, it came out.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's bothering you as much as "going crazy", maybe lining up some ducks in a row would help? I found that the only thing I could do when I got to that point (which was nerves, for me) was to work on it. I read and still do about psychology and affairs and found Si and interviewed lawyers and it helped because I could work on life in a way that wasn't passive anymore.

I totally agree with the post about remaining coy, because it happened to several people I know and only once to me, where anything you give of yourself may be used against you by him or an OW, if there is one.

FWIW, when I confronted Perv after hearing from OW, he tried to deny it several times and then finally, it came out.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, I am sorry that you are here, but you have found an amazing place, and wonderful people.

If I had to guess I would say they are not disappearing for masterbation purposes. He is probably getting his story straight before he gets home too, and calling whoever to find out if they called.
I would say you should probably tell him that you know something is up, Lying to get the truth is very tricky. I would also recommend that you put spyware on everything you can, his phone, computer, tablet, and a VAR in his car, and anyplace else that he spends time away from you, like a man cave etc.

DO go to a Lawyer. No Matter WHAT!!! Find out what to expect should you end up going down that road. Know what your rights are. Knowledge is power, and power is strength.

180 hard, remeber this is to protect you, not to get his to get his head out of his A**. Only he can do that.

Focus on eating, sleeping, staying hydrated, and caring for you.

(((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8228 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's not using the viagra to masturbate unless he's doing it in public places.

Why would he have half a viagra in his jacket pocket if he was masturbating in the privacy of his own bed?

I second the idea of seeing a lawyer. Find out what your rights are and what you can expect financially. Knowledge is power. If you know what you are entitled to, you won't be operating from a place of fear.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 836 | Registered: Jun 2012
scoteye13
♀ New Member
Member # 39569
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I confronted him today after he got back from the doctor to tell him that I definitely know that something is going on and I would like him to come clean and be honest with me. His reply was that he wanted to find out who is telling me this crap so he can confront them. I said no, this is my prerogative to keep this source to myself and he has no right because of his past behaviour.
He was very angry. He screamed that he doesn't have time to have an affair but he said his exact words "I could have an affair if you want me to because I have plenty of opportunities." I told him you are not special, everyone has plenty of opportunities but only certain people act on them. He tantrummed some more, I can't remember just what and threatened me by saying " I'll be the bad guy here and get a divorce because I am sick and tired of this."
I am feeling like he is giving in to this too easy and just giving up on our marriage or on the other hand, he is trying to intimidate me to sweep it all under the rug. Looking for some clarity here as I am so confused right now?

More on the viagra chronicles, he is diabetic and got the viagra before Christmas 2012 for "us" because of his erectile difficulty due to diabetes. Howe ver, there has been no use of these pills on me despite my approaching him sexually. He has always declined any advances and I have mostly given up. I noticed one missing at Christmas and didn't pursue it . However, I took a photo of it on my cell phone for future reference. I have also taken photos of the 10 empty pill cartridges this week. Some behaviour changes prompted me to check his pills last week and I was floored to say the least.

[This message edited by scoteye13 at 9:09 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northern Ontario
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry, he is cheating... Unfortunately you revealed too early before you have concrete proof.

If I were you, I would file for divorce to shock him into coming clean. I know that seems a bit extreme to you, but it may just work. Other ideas, can you monitor his cell phone, try to get into emails or texts? Right now he is probably trying to cover his tracks but maybe you can still find something.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 637 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

scoteye13,

I spent the last 7 years of my marriage having my WH threaten me with divorce. I'd catch him in a financial lie, he'd claim I treat him as nothing but a money supply and then walk out for a couple weeks. It is emotional abuse pure and simple.

It is a technique used to control you.
It only works if you are afraid.


This is why you need to go see a lawyer. Right now his threats to divorce you strike fear in you. You may be afraid of losing him and the love you have, but that is already missing. You may be afraid of what will happen to you financially. A lawyer will tell you exactly what you can expect financially. I imagine Canada is like the US, where spousal and child support gets calculated by a computer program.

Ask yourself if you want to live with this kind of man. A NORMAL man would have talked to you calmly. He would never have thrown a tantrum. He would never have threatened divorce.

His tantrums are a form of control also.

Your WH is controling and abusive. It's possible he is overly narcissistic too. Narcissists tend to rage when their self image is threatened.

He is not the prize you are. Don't let him reverse roles on you.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 836 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.