Even if he was SAFE during that ONS could there be a chance to past something to me by mouth ?
There was no oral between them that night just vaginal sex with a condom ....and they kissed briefly before ...( WH wasn't a make out kind of guy)
I tell my WH that you never know she could have been sucking someone else off hours before she met you and then kissed you ....( he got grossed out ) but he knows it could very well be true cause she just walked up to him and offered herself very straight foward and not shy at all so really I don't doubt it .
[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 10:10 AM, June 17th (Monday)]
I'M ON THE FENCE
Your WH has told you this woman came up to him,*had to have him,* that he couldn't cum and he made her leave,that they didn't have oral,etc. And,of course, the sex was with a condom. Oh,and of course he doesn't even know her last name,phone number,or any other way you can contact her.
I think he is minimizing what he did that night. I think he is telling you alot of what he has told you in order to make you feel "better" about what he did.
Your dday was very recent. And now you are having physical issues. You need to be tested...right away. And,gently, you need to prepare yourself for TT. I don't think you have the entire story...unfortunately, that is very common.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
You know, I had that pain too. I got tested for everything and determined it was from not getting any (once a month) to multiple times a day, to daily, now 3-4 times a day...
Keep me posted, I will be following your post Hurtz. Sorry, you're here with us sweetie.
I understand that it's embarrassing, however, my GYN was absolutely wonderful and supportive when I told them why I was there. They were kind and gentle. They tested me for everything they possibly could and personally CALLED me with the results and I got them on paper too. Then I got tested again 8 months later as a follow-up.
During my husbands affairs he repeatedly gave me yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. I'm beyond lucky that is ALL I got.
He too lied lied lied at first. First it was just an EA. Then sex with ONE AP only twice WITH a condom and oral sex for a year an a half with another. Then it was Sex with the first AP three times, no condom and sex with the second AP for 2+ YEARS no condom and then two more AP's.
They lie and minimize.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
as far as TT you could be right whos to say what happened i only have what he tells me .
but before all this i had gut feeling there was more and i asked he told his story and im here not feeling anymore nagging feelings i feel i have enough information . on top of that there is only so much info you can gather from a ONS ....and those type hook ups your not looking to get to know the person when you have no plans on seeing them again.
i know his character because of the history we have and i know of his past relationships it all adds up to him not being the person to make the first move every girl he had a relationship with they started it and asked for more as did i , i was the one to flirt heavily and he and only then did he participated ... (hes not so much the hunter) so i do believe that she very much came on to him with the idea and he then followed up with a yes .
he also isnt big flirt so he doesnt normally get the attention hes a very quiet person which i why i can see why this ONS was easier then getting into LTA or EA he said they convo was really at a minimal because he didnt know what to say (not like he ever spoke dirty to anyone ever so why would it change for her on that night or felt like he could confide in her about "issues") that it all happen very quick she was edger and aggressive and he liked it . that they got to the room before he could ask her anything she pulled a condom from her purse and so on ...
idk it seems to me because i know how my WH is that the line of events that lead up to it all seem like it very well could have happened that way but who knows but i no longer feel a sick feeling telling me something is up like before. now i feel like im just dealing with the death of our marriage .
things are ok at home now and he is very attentive to me helps with everything from cleaning to cooking to listening , and when hes done he's asking what else can he do . i hate my reality very much but i know he is trying . i tell him i dont trust him and he of course understands why.
now im trying to push past the monster i see in my mind movies .
ive had dreams oddly that i was raped by someone i didnt know and i think it has to do with what im going through now . not having control and so on but all i can do i hope right that he sees the damage and never repeats it because despite how i feel about him i can not and will not go through this pain again my heart cant do it anymore ,and he knows that.
everyone deserves a second chance sure if they have proven to be remorseful but the second offense is where i draw the line very deep because if you dont have one they can cross over whenever they want and i cant allow that to be my life .
thing is im not here for my 2 girls im here because i love him he is my first love and i lost my virginity to him and i wanted my whole life to be with him and still do . i also know that just because i have two kids doesnt mean im hopeless in finding someone else that will love me . im a catch i know that even with my kids hell the person would be doubly blessed to have my girls in theyre lives but i dont want that i want my husband.
he sure as hell doesnt want that .
To emphasize to what Confused replied, there is more to this story.
So, some random stranger came up to him in a bar and asked if he wanted to have sex and he said YES??? Why would he ever accept this offer?? Why did this one time even happen? He went to a hotel room with the OW. How did he go that far??
I understand that you believe him that it was simply an ONS. But there has to be a reason why he said yes. If he can't identify the reason, how can you (or he) ever be sure that he won’t say yes to the next person who aggressively comes onto him? Where is the boundary? This is HIS issue, not yours!