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User Topic: Maybe I got hit with the Karma bus
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Shutup  Posted: 11:46 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, so my husband and I were high school sweet hearts and went our seperate ways in college. WE were both athletes and went where the money ways. We soon broke up because I had to get my head in the game. I ran track, so it was easier for me to make a stab at the pros than he would have in basketball.

During this time, he dropped out of college, got a chick preggo and married her. I heard abt this through the grapevine, but it was 2004, and an olympic year so I give two flips!!! Anywho, before trials, I fell and tore my ACL, and that was the end of my chances to be an olmpican...(that year anyway).

I went back home and saw him out and about, we chatted a bit and I kept it moving. He called my moms house and we chatted it up some more. He was still married, so I always kept the convo VERY short. About 6mos after that, he said he and ole girl got a divorce, so we chatted up some more...I had a feeling he wasnt telling the whole truth, but I wasnt about to be inspecture Clue-so to find out. But I had a feeling......Well, we ended up getting back together and it wasnt until after i got preggo, that the divorce was actually final.

Now for my bus hit....Essentially, that is what is happening to me. We werent formally separated, but when he left the house, he pretty much gave the chick he was cheating with a trial run to see if it would work out. It didnt, so he wants to come back now. The only saving grace for me is that he was actually separated, but of course not fully divorced, and like i said, I had an idea, but I wrote the story in my head to make ME look better vs seeing what I was really looking at.

So now, he says he loves me because; and I quote: "Becaue we have history, because you are smart, beautiful, understanding, and you gave me children."

Sorry, but none of that means anything. During an exercise at work, I got those same compliments from FEMALE co-workers, (of course without the kids part). So those are my general traits. Nothing specific to "wife-dom".

Im feeling like his cheating is really just my Karma...because I didnt really seek to sniff out the truth, or pump the breaks until I felt like he was really free and clear, this is my pay back. And i am humbly taking my punishment.....


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 647 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
huRtZ413
♀ Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i feel the same for keeping a lie our whole marriage the lie was that my WH was my first and only. yes he was my first but not my only . he asked me this before marriage and i let him believe the second part ......



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
Tesa
♀ Member
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think this is your karma, Nikki. Why would you be punished because he lied to you from the beginning?

Why would you dig deeper before you got married if you trusted him? There was no reason for you to suspect that he lied?.

Don't take his issues on your shoulders!

His karma is coming. You're dealing with the fall out from his problem.


Posts: 1057 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Texas
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tesa,

Maybe you are right....but why do we have to suffer from their foolery!! LOL....IDK, maybe I should have seen the signs......


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 647 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not your karma. He lied to you before, and you didn't do anything wrong. You thought he was divorced, and waited until after you got pregnant to tell you otherwise. How is it your fault, and how do you deserve terrible karma for his lies?

You know, I can be an angry person. I get revenge on people. Sometimes I am selfish. But my god- I don't think I did anything wrong to call getting raped at 7 years old "karma". I don't think I did anything so terrible to call getting cheated on in EVERY MAJOR RELATIONSHIP "karma". I don't think I did anything so terrible that karma balanced it out by letting my son die.

I'm not saying that karma doesn't exist- but I am saying that sometimes terrible things happen to us for no reason at all. I don't think those things are things that I had coming or deserved- they were just things that happened.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 809 | Registered: Jan 2013
MrsDoubtfire
♀ Member
Member # 24786
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i feel the same for keeping a lie our whole marriage the lie was that my WH was my first and only. yes he was my first but not my only . he asked me this before marriage and i let him believe the second part ......

By saying he was your first but not your only.... Do you mean you guys parted and then met up again or that you cheated on him?


BS(Me) FWH(Him) DDay 05.09
A went underground. True R 02.10
I won't let another woman reap the benefit of enjoying the man my H has now becomeć

Posts: 1528 | Registered: Jul 2009
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Beyond))))))))

That is a perspective I hadnt looked at. I guess "it is what it is...."

#sigh


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 647 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
LivingALie
♀ Member
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No disrespect - but I *am* saying karma doesn't exist. C'mon, really? And exactly who is the karma police?

I'm no saint - but does that mean I deserved to have a husband who cheated on me and broke NC more times than I care to count? Did I deserve to have a physically challenged child; who is doing quite well now but not without many years of therapy, etc. And while we're on the subject of that - was that HIS karma?

I'm sure we could all go on and on about all the bad things have happened to us - but really - I don't think its cause and effect at all.


Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1243 | Registered: Nov 2007
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nik,
Don't beat yourself up for what HE did. You trusted him. But, I think I know what you are getting at. Looking back now (because you are wiser to this game they play)you see that you should have seen the red flags. Honey, we all could say that to be honest. I should have know that being with my wh for 13 years to be married, that he never had the intentions to marry me and that maybe he felt I was not worthy to be a wife until I put my foot down. So my Karma is that I got what I wanted to be a wife but also within 2 yrs he cheated on me. So we have been married 5 years and 3.5 of those five he was in an A. Karma slapped me silly for making the mistake of trusting that he loved and would never do this.

Some men are great dad and horrible husbands. I have one. Some don't know what honest looks like. Some think they are entitled and will sweet talk you. I have a player on my hands but we are seperated so I don't have to look at it in the face anymore.

I was/am a great wife and woman. Beautiful, smart, great mom. He had it all but it was not enough for him. He doesn't know what stands in his face. Just like your wh. Nothing you did could give you karma for his jacked up shit.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)37
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2459 | Registered: Aug 2011
NikkiD
♀ Member
Member # 38173
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Fatithful and Livingalie

Thanks....I guess when you put it that way, its not quite Karma, but life sometimes.

#sigh.....


"Spoil me with Loyalty; I can finance myself...."
ME: BS-33
HE: WS-32
Married 3 years, known 20
2 kids
D-Day #1 12/30/12
False Recovery
D-Day #2 1/21/14
LTA 5 years-ish
Riding the "Struggle Bus"
Living apart....

Posts: 647 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 10

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