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User Topic: t/j on "Men who dampen their wives' libido" in NB
loveisareddress
♀ Member
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe sometimes they do it on purpose.
They might do it out of fear of failure, looking to create excuses for straying or maybe some of them are just flat out control freaks.

Some men are so controlling that they will finish right before you can because they even want to control that!

Or they claim they're trying to fix their ED problem, but don't take the meds or cut them in half thus ensuring they retain control over their response or lack thereof.

Or they might hurt you a little bit while you're having sex-not enough to make an issue out of it-just enough to make you not want it anymore.

When a woman realizes a man is over controlling and going to such extremes to maintain control, it will destroy her libido, mess with her head and make her absolutely hate him.

Anybody out there KWIM?


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Slowly raising hand here.

In my situation it is a form of gaslighting. He blaming me for things out of my control. In my situation is was geared toward making me very undesireable, and it worked. I got blamed for his ED... he was recently diagnosed with hyertension...his meds caused his ED. I would have worked with him, but he blamed me not being attractive enough. Let's forget that he was living a double life at the time, THAT may have had something to do with his hypertension!! Not whether or not my butt was fat.

By the time I suspected the affair... I was so low that I was not thinking clearly. Luckily a friend of mine talked me out of rugsweeping the whole thing and supported me in growing a backbone for my kids sake.

I read that thread and I had to go back and reread it several times.... it is triggering and cathartic at the same time.

[This message edited by Kajem at 2:17 PM, June 17th (Monday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I know what you mean. STBX was so disagreeable in bed, it killed my libido. He refused to do anything to suggest he desired me (as in ME), and refused to acknowledge any attempt I made to be sexy or desirable. Nothing I was interested in happened, or if it did it was done under such duress that it wasn't worth the mind games.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
twodoves
♀ Member
Member # 39181
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH never initiated sex, it was always me. I brought it up to him multiple times, but it never made a difference. I couldn't even romance him into it, i would have to say ' i want to have sex tonight.' Or he would blow me off.

It got to the point where i would stop initiating because i hated feeling like i had to make my husband sleep with me. Like it was a chore.


Me - BS
Him - WS (N3v3rG1v1ngUp)
Together 7 years, married for 2
He was cheating for 5 years
5 OW
D-days: 4/23/13, 4/27/13, 5/10/13
1 toddler, baby girl on the way in December

Posts: 160 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Illinois
loveisareddress
♀ Member
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this an NPD thing?

Are controlling men also NPD?

Mine has a thing about not wanting me to be too happy.

How sick is it to be that controlling?

To the point of having to control whether you come or not?

I just can't wrap my brain around that kind of sickness.


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
loveisareddress
♀ Member
Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First thing that came to mind when reading that thread wasn't the normal rut of married life-it was that this would be a typical thing for a controlling spouse to do.


Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.


Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if this is common for NPD, but it wouldn't surprise me if it is. My STBX refused to make love on our wedding night. Why? Because it was what I wanted/expected.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, June 17th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First thing that came to mind when reading that thread wasn't the normal rut of married life-it was that this would be a typical thing for a controlling spouse to do.

I agree that it's not a rut, it's a control issue. I recall early in our marriage when I was still desperately trying to fix things. I bought a nice set of flavored massage oil, lotion, body powder & a cool feather duster. Very erotic. I couldn't wait to use it in the bedroom. He only ever let it be used ON HIM. He would NOT use it on me. Would not give me a massage for anything. Would not do a damn thing that would give me pleasure.

I still have that tin with the almost completely full bottles & containers. I kept it as a reminder of how far I will NOT go again to try and salvage a relationship. It's a reminder that I want someone to make an effort to please ME. *I* have to be a priority. Although my libido is so dead & buried I don't know that I'll ever be capable of being in a relationship where intimacy is even a possibility.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9538 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 8

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