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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just found out
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Joeinfl,

So sorry that you need to be here. Sounds like you are on the roller coaster ride. My WS never showed any signs of remorse, tried to blame me for the affair, rewrote the marriage, rewrote me too for that matter!! So, I can not share any experience with R.

I hope you have talked to an attorney to find out your rights. I know you have small children - I was married before and stayed in that marriage in part, because of my son. I wanted him to have his father in his life. One of the things you might ask yourself, is what are you teaching your children about love, about marriage? Is this the example you want them to have? What they will know about a marriage, is what they see in their home. My intention is not to hit you with a 2 by 4, but just to give you a different perspective on things - a more long range view.

Take care of yourself, so glad that you are posting here and getting the support you need.

It will get better. I am almost 8 months out and while I still get hit with the pain and anger, I don't wake up thinking about him, or her, or the affair. I know I will never be the woman I was before and I have found a reserve of strength that I did not know that I had. You will find that strength as well.

I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
♂ Member
Member # 36057
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No more Mr Nice guy is a good read for you.

You are rug sweeping and you are doing nothing to save or dissolve this marriage If you want to save your marriage put your foot down and be a real man who dont acept any BS from your wife.

Get the courage to tell her "Fuk Off" if needed.

Why you are not exposing OM to his wife? Did your wife showed you the NC letter she send? Do you have any idea what she send him? You are rugsweeping is only going to make things easy for her when OM shows again with a text or face to face.They are lying low or may be still in contact through some other way. ( pay phone).

File for D, if she is remorseful (now any way she is not remorseful, this is not a truly remorseful wife do when she saw her husband hurt and when she got the gift of a second chance) she will fight for you, not with words but with actions.

You got some good advice, people are telling this only keeping your good in their mind, may be because all of us had gone through this BS once.

[This message edited by kannan at 9:58 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

Posts: 139 | Registered: Jul 2012
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 10:18 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Joe

She is rugsweeping and blameshifiting to a tee.

She does need IC because she needs to do a deep dive on what allowed her to cheat.

It wasn't your emotional detachment or tuning her out. She chose to seek affection outside her marriage. That is hers to own.

If she is not willing to do that and that is a condition for you to R, then you have your answer.

There is a big difference in being sorry you were caught to being remorseful that you broke your marriage vows.

She is still trying to justify her behavior and there is no justification. None.

The kids are a reason to try but not a reason to stay if she isn't doing her part.

Hang in there and know that we are all here.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1182 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ Member
Member # 35322
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell the OM's wife JOE. It will turn things around for you. Your attorney is just flat wrong on this.


Posts: 94 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: somewhere in texas
♀ New Member
Member # 39840
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Sometimes I feel like my WH is blame shifting and it used to make me so angry but after all of the words of wisdom from the forums I see him for who he is and I can only smile and walk away. I feel bad for people like my husband and your wife. They will regret losing people like us once they get out there and try dating. It's all fun and games when you are having an A but let her see what kind of dates she is going to get when she is a divorcee with 3 kids.

WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Nyc
♀ New Member
Member # 39997
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
♀ Member
Member # 31582
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tell the OM's wife JOE. It will turn things around for you. Your attorney is just flat wrong on this.

This is sooo true.

BS (me)59 FWH 71
Married 35 years
4 children and 3 grandchildren
5 yrs into R.
Now that he has changed and become the man he should have been all along, why should I start over?

Posts: 560 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: New Jersey
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