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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: H wants to have another baby already
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:17 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi there....i am sorry that you are going through this. i do understand. i am 40 and it was me who felt the strong desire....the need to have another child so close to dday. it was my husband who was the apprehensive one. from everything that has happend...one of the most important things that i learned is that there is a difference between being reconciled and attempting to reconcile.

when i first went through dday....my husband too was remorseful...i thought at the time that he was doing all he could to repair the marriage. and this was only a few months out from dday. i was saying things like we are in r. and i knew i wanted to have another child. but deep down..even thouhg he was "doing all he could"....i knew in my heart that i was still so very hurt...deeply hurt by what he had done. i wanted to believe we were in r....i wanted to believe in him. 9 months later...i discovered i was in false r. in looking back...now that i am stronger and know my worth...and after a lot of ic...i clearly can look back and see that i had never been in true r...and that there really wasnt a real honest attempt at r on his part. at least not following the definitions of true r in the healing library on this site...or from what other members have identitied. in fact...i was no where near r.

now, i believe we are attempting a true r...and it has been 7 months since the discovery of my false r.

i say all of this because you just have to know that it is takes TIME to heal. it really does. there are no shortcuts...none. 3 months is not enough time for anyone to heal in my opinion....let alone for him to reestablish trust with you in a healthy way....or prove that he had done the hard work it takes to understand why he cheated and put the necessary boundaries in place to ensure it would never happen again. that alone takes time. 3 months...most BS are still in shock.

your husband may want to have another baby. he just might. but just consider that he might want to have another baby as a way to "rugsweep" or "get back to normal." you know what i mean? and it just doesnt work like that. if anything, rugsweeping, and rushing to make things better will only make things worse in the long run. of course he wants to have another child...he knows that will make you happy...help you get past what he did. but the next time he talks about it.....see if he will do this:

1. tell him what you told us...that you are not ready since it is too soon from dday, and you dont trust him right now.

2. see if he will consider going to ic to really understand why he did what he did.

3. tell him that moving forward, you want the password to all phone records..not just the phone, but the actual phone bill that shows all calls. ask for the same for his computer.

tell him that you want him to do these things to feel safe....and after a long period of time of no "incidents", then you can talk about having another child.

see what he says.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 979 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my first D-Day, which was a confession, my husband was shattered for about 4-5 months, just a mess, a puddle. He really never dealt with his issues, which led to another D-Day and us almost divorcing. At 3 months out, he was saying that nothing would make him happier than having his wife and another baby. At over a year out, he was expressing doubts about whether or not he wanted another baby, me, and the marriage. Your H is remorseful - that's great. Just give it time. Let the healing happen. If your youngest child is only one, I'm assuming you're fairly young. Don't let him pressure you.

And I have to say, my head exploded when I read this:

We are seeing a MC, he agrees with me but understands where my H is coming from. He said that when two people have so much love for each other the only way to express it is by making a baby together as a product/ symbol of their love.

Substitute "having sex" for "making a baby together" and that sounds exactly like the argument a horny high school boy would use trying to get his girlfriend to do the deed. Whaaaat? So the ONLY WAY to express that love is to have a baby? I guess couples who remain childless never fully express their love? I'm sorry but I would have laughed at that guy.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd wait. No matter how he's acting now, I don't think even the most remorseful spouse can prove him or herself and regain trust in three months.

It's not fair to bring a child into such a situation, and you two do NOT need the stress of a newborn.

JMO, since you asked.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1495 | Registered: Nov 2010
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DWL - i do not think anyone was trying to bash your WS or question his current remoresfulness, however; I do think that they are trying to explain to you that having another baby right now is jumping the gun a bit.

Many people here are months and years out from R and they know how rocky things are in the process of truely reconciling.

You have asked for advice, and there is a lot of good advice here.

At this moment you both need to focus on yourselves and your marriage. Having a baby now would draw that attention away and would basically be rug sweeping the affair. Just because the reason is a joyous one, doesn't mean that it's not rug sweaping.

And while none of our futures are set into stone - the youngness of your Dday and the newness of you guys getting into R makes such a permanent and lasting choice hard to comprehend.

Do not use a child as a bandaid for your marriage. That is not fair to you or the child. Do not put that kind of weight and responsiblity onto an innocent soul.

Also, I think that your MC is way out of line. There are other things that you can do with your love then create a child together. Think of all the childless couples out there that love wholely and fully dispite having a child together.

Please step back and take a breath - listen to your gut saying that its not the right time, and if you can't do it for yourself, put yourself in that child's place. Would you want to be the 'child that was supposed to save mommy and daddy"?


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I wrote my post, I saw only 2 responses - a problem with my ISP, I guess.

If I had seen the whole thread, I wouldn't have responded, so I'm deleting my post, which added nothing new.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:43 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
KeepCalm_CarryOn
♀ Member
Member # 33374
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm currently pregnant. We got pregnant about 14 months after D-day and ONLY because he has done everything right CONSISTENTLY! What happens when after 6 months he doesn't want you to track his phone anymore? Or he changes all his passwords because he's "tired of being policed"...I know he's doing it all right now, but give it time. Consistency is the key to a good R. My FWH had to learn that I will ALWAYS have his passwords, I will ALWAYS need to know where he is/was and with who, I will ALWAYS have access to our money, phone records, etc. That took time.

You know being pregnant adds stress to even the healthiest relationships so, why add this stress in now? Finances change, emotions run high, you're tired, why add this on top of his cheating? What happens when he's stressed at home and needs "someone to talk to"?? What happens when he's tired and needs "a night off"? Then you're a few more years in, no R, with two kids and you're a SAHM which is awesome, God knows if I could, I would, but can you raise them alone if he left? Or if he cheated again?

Just take a breather, slow it down.


You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.

Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August


Posts: 2030 | Registered: Sep 2011
Althea
♀ Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DoneWithLove))) one thing you have to understand about this site is that the people on here care - a lot. When they fear you are making a mistake that will hurt you in the long run, many don't hold back and sometimes it comes in the case of 2x4's. Just take what you need, leave the rest. No one is trying to make you feel bad or bash on your WH, they are just worried that you are jumping the gun.

I didn't read your post as you even considering having a baby now and really your question was should you ever have another child with him. I think the answer to that will come to you, after he has spent a considerable time changing.

I think the thing many are zeroing in on here is that your WH is pressuring you, and the MC seems to be encouraging him or at least not telling him to give it a rest.

I ended up accidentally pregnant 6 months after Dday and only about a month after I got the full truth about the extent of my WH's affair. By the time I found out I was pregnant he was the model wayward, and he was over the moon about having another child and the chance to "do it right" this time. It was the ultimate "do over." I was angry and upset and believed for a time that his true motivation was to trap me and told him so. I don't believe that now, or at least don't believe he was consciously trying to do that.

Here is what it is like being pregnant and working on reconciliation with a totally remorseful and really model wayward spouse:

You know the rollercoaster you are on where some days you feel great and others you are crying your eyes out because you are thinking of your husband having sex with another woman? Try adding hormones to that.

What if the pregnancy is hard? What if you end up on bed rest and can't take care of your children? That will put a LOT of stress on your marriage. Do you believe your husband will have or make the flexibility to help you out enough to get through it?

What happens in the months after you have the baby when everyone is sleep deprived and the two of you are barely functioning let alone able to spend considerable time healing yourselves and each other? Do you know enough about why he cheated to know that he won't act out again when he isn't getting enough of your attention or appreciation? Are you prepared for the amount of work it will take to carve out the time needed to maintain post-affair healing?

What if you have postpartum depression? What if the postpartum hormonal shift triggers MAJOR affair related PTSD?

All of these are possibilities. These are questions not intended to dissuade you, but are the ones that I personally have wrestled with, continue to wrestle with, and WH and I actively discuss.

Listen, in some ways this pregnancy has been great. Although unexpected it has been a HUGE motivator for WH and I to work harder on ourselves than we otherwise would have and harder to make our marriage as healthy as it can be before this baby comes. That being said, I also had to reconcile the fact that I may be setting myself up to be a single mom of 3 kids instead of 2. Don't do that to yourself. Give it time - a lot of time.

I get why your husband wants this. Babies are sweet and a symbol of love and he wants to prove that he really loves you. Knocking you up is a fast and easy way to show you that. Here is the thing he is losing sight of. This isn't a sprint. It is a marathon. A grueling marathon. The best way he can show his love and devotion to you and your family is to heal himself, get into IC and do the hard HARD work to figure out what broken part of him allowed him to cheat and why. That takes a lot of time and very difficult introspection. Only very broken people cheat. This will do a lot more to heal your marriage than rushing into having more children.


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 457 | Registered: Dec 2012
anemie
♀ Member
Member # 37543
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am currently expecting our baby in the next couple of weeks, he is a product of our hysterical bonding, but let me tell you being 8 months out from Dday, you are not ready for the ups and downs of recovery while being pregnant. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. At 3 months post Dday, I thought "wow I think I'm already getting over this, it wasn't so bad". Then likes two weeks later I'm yelling and screaming and crying about how much he hurt me and now I'm stuck with a constant reminder of things because I am pregnant. And then I'm fine again for a few weeks before the horrible cycle repeats itself. I have not been able to bond with this baby like I want, I sometimes feel like he doesn't deserve this baby. All these horrible thoughts run through my head, like I don't want him in the delivery room. And then I can't stand to be apart from him for two minutes. The last several months have been pure hell. Enjoy your little one that you have now, I'm not saying don't ever have another baby with him, but you are not ready, give it time, if he truly loves you and wants things to work between you both he will understand and respect your wishes.


D-Day October 18th, 2012 D-Day2 October 5th 2013
4 kids 12,11,7, 1 and one sweet little newborn

Posts: 112 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: MA
traditoperanni
♀ Member
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Donewithlove,

Having another child so soon is not going to fix the problem. It could even escalate the problem. And that is not fair to your children. I would let him know he is on probation and that you will revisit the idea of another child in a year. Let him know only when you feel safe and secure in your relationship with him and he proves himself totally that you will THINK about another baby. It seems he is trying to put a band aid on the problem and that band aid is another baby. Way too soon.
Take care.


Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 429 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the articles on reconsiliation and according to what I read, hes in reconsiliation 100% but im missing a few integral parts. I haven't been completely open with him or our councillor, im afraid to drive him away regardless of his reassurance and I have a hard time not blaming myself even with his and everyone elses reassurance that im absolutely not to blame for his A. I need to get past all of my insecurities in order for his strides to be effective in R our marriage. I think I will start by staying off of here for a while seeing as half of everyones opinions are negative and counterproductive in improving my self esteem and optimism about R with my H.


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Infidelity is pretty negative.

A child shouldn't be born with a job. it sounds like your WH thinks having a new baby will solve all your problems..or at least tie you to him a bit more and making leaving more difficult.

R is a LONG,HARD,and PAINFUL road. Even with a remorseful WS. It's an emotional roller coaster...everyone here is trying to give you the benefit of their experience. If you would rather rugsweep,go ahead.

True change..true remorse..lasts forever. There is no way you can know if your WH has truly changed until he has proven so..over time..alot of time.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:19 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7679 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DWL, I'm sorry that you are choosing to ignore the advice that is being given with good intentions.

A week ago you were posting that your WH is selfish, and now you are claiming that he is a model remorseful WS. I feel like you are trying to convince yourself that you are holding up R. The fact is that it takes a long time to recover, even with a perfectly remorseful spouse, and there are no shortcuts. There just aren't.

I am not going to even touch the baby part. I am the last person qualified to counsel someone on having another baby before R is complete. My concern is that IME almost inevitably on SI when a BS tries to rush the healing, it winds up biting them in the ass. Not always because the WS is not truly remorseful (though that happens more often than anyone wishes it would) but because we all, BS and WS, are imperfect and won't do everything right all the time.

If you are still reading, I will tell you that often, even as a BS, the advice that I least wanted to hear was the advice I most needed to hear.


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1742 | Registered: Nov 2010
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO NOT DO IT! I'm in that boat now. Im about to have our third kid and I found out the true details of the affair a month before I found out I was pregnant.

It just doesnt help recovery. Granted my fWH has been there like a rock at every turn and every appointment. But it still makes you feel trapped. Plus with all the emotional baggage a pregnancy brings... it'll be too much to add.

You have no idea where you stand 3 months out. If there are more details that you dont know. Its too soon to make the decision to bring another child into all this.

If recovery goes smoothly one day you'll be happy to have another baby. Dont do it yet!


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DWL..dont stop coming to the site...please dont. everyone here is your friend....they are. this site can be a great place to heal. it is hard...i know...and i know the last thing you want to hear is a bunch of "stranger" telling you what you should and shouldnt do...i mean.."we dont know you, or your husband, right?" i get that. and you know what...i was like that too....especially when i heard things i didnt want to hear...or when deep down, i knew that they were right. but, at the time...in the early months...i was just so desparate to save my marriage...and keep him. you know what i mean? i know exactly how you feel....we all do.

that is good that he is doing what he needs to do in the healing library....but give it time....for your own emotional safety to make sure that he continues to behave the way you need him to. see, the old marriage is dead. you will have to create a new marriage build on honor, transparency, trust, and commitment...and that takes a long time to define...and establish....and even then...it may not work. that is why this whole r process is so hard.

you last note sounds like you are deeply hurt...and are afraid of losing him...like you might chase him away....or that if you do something...he might leave you. that is very common to feel that way....but it is not r...you know what i mean?

right now is about you healing...and him moving heaven and earth by his actions....only his actions to ensure that he is getting the help he needs to get healthy, and by repeated examples..showing you that he can be trusted again.

if you think that for one minute that he might leave you, or get upset....or if it might hurt the chances of r if you do or dont do something....then let that be a red flag...that you and your marriage are nowhere near ready to have another child...or "move on."

if he is being great....let him continue to do that for a long time....

dont leave this site....we are here for you....

one day, whether you r or not, you might be giving this same advice to another new member in pain....


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 979 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Kierst13
♀ Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DWL - Click on my smilie face and read my story in my profile. I don't like posting in Recon because my story is everybody's worst nightmare come to life. You might be in the VERY beginning stages of R, or he might be on his best behavior.

Give it time, you have lots of time. They say not to make any major decisions for 12 months post D-day, at the very least give yourself 9 more months.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YEah, sweetie, everyone here is amazingly caring, nice, and most importantly, HAVE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES, or some like it at least. It's easy to get discouraged when you hear something you don't like...MY advice for you is to let go of this post and come back to it when you're a little stronger. I bet you want more than anything for things to be "normal" again even if that means being pregnant and giving him another gift of a baby. But, it's toooooo SOON sweetie. You need to heal YOURSELF first....I'm so sorry you're here. Some are just a little more brutally honest than other. BUt, they all mean well...Good luck.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I will start by staying off of here for a while seeing as half of everyones opinions are negative and counterproductive in improving my self esteem and optimism about R with my H.

I agree with confused615, Infidelity is no walk in the park.

It is a life changing moment where you see who your WH really is. And what he is capable of doing to you. You can and perhaps will heal from this breech with time but your marriage has forever been changed...by him.

I know that it seems that your WH is unique. Like he can trump his leaving you after 6 years of marriage and small children for a co-worker that he had known a week, then slept with her after saying he wouldn't. Because he is

at my every beck and call.

??Okay...Perhaps he is being the MOST genuinely remorseful WH in history but sadly Infidelity is soooo common.

This is why these boards are so helpful. You will invariably see yourself in someone's story.

As far as

"everyones opinions are negative and counterproductive"
is concerned folks here have BTDT time and time again. They relate their very personal stories in painful detail in an empathetic attempt to warn others of the pratfalls of marital betrayal.

...improving my self esteem

Perhaps you would benefit from IC? I hope that you can see to your own mental health soon.

Here is a term for you "Rugsweeping".

Beware of this tendency to quickly forgive. Seems like you would like to forgive him and move on with life but this sends the wrong message to the Wayward.

Cheating, lying and sleeping around should have consequences.

Honor yourself by giving some much needed time to process and grieve the changes in your marriage caused by the affair. If not, your true feelings will later fester and the hurt and anger will raise its ugly head in the worst way.

I know...negative again. Sorry, being betrayed is just not a 'happy' subject.

Take Care.


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you so upset at the idea of waiting a year? Just a year? Here are some sensible reasons we suggest you wait.

1. WS'es often promise all sorts of things to get the BS to shut the hell up about the affair. Getting the BS pregnant is a frequent one, along with buying her lots of pricey stuff. It's not that the WS wants a baby- he wants to get off the hook for what he's done. He pinpointed what you want most - lots of babies - and is trying to bribe you to forget the affair. Manipulation. He may even begin to resent the pregnancy and baby later once his fresh remorse wears off and the two of you are limited in the personal time and fun you can have together to build the marriage, instead of up all night with leaky breasts to feed baby and changing wet diapers. You need COUPLE TIME to rebond. You won't have couple time if you have an infant's needs to attend to, in addition to your other two kids. REBOND as a couple to solidify the marriage. What if you get the baby that cries constantly, doesn't sleep, spits up constantly to where you have to feed every hour just to keep them from losing weight, and you don't sleep for two years? Colicky and you go through one hell of a postpartum along with affair recovery?

2. You haven't gone through all of the stages of recovery yet - similar to stages of grief - and especially the rage stage. Anger and rage dumping adrenaline on that fetus 24/7, and sleepless nights, not eating well, could harm the health of your fetus if you become pregnant. You'll feel one helluva lot worse if you always have to wonder if your kid has issues because you didn't choose to wait a year or so to recover your physical and emotional health before deciding to have the child, but instead used the pregnancy as a way of consoling yourself before your body and emotions stabilized.

3. Doctors recommend spacing children at least two to three years apart. Exhausted and nutritionally depleted mothers are at higher risk to give birth prematurely, which can lead to developmental delays and disabilities of kids.

4. You're acting fearful to ideas of a sensible one year wait, as if deep down you think he will leave you if you don't have another baby. You're placing a huge responsibility on this child - to save your marriage - that if you aren't even sure you can save it yourself is an unfair burden to place on a baby.

5. If you're hoping that a "pregnancy hormone high" will erase all pain of the affair - it won't. You won't have a pregnancy high at a time of stress, and post-partum will hit much more strongly.


6. Six month mark is also where a WS begins to show if his changes for the better have "taken" more permanently. It is best to wait until who you see who that man you married really is. If the changes have "taken" you'll be a stronger couple, and can build a marriage to be stronger, which is a more stable family for your kids in long run rather than just a larger family.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 5:01 AM, June 21st (Friday)]


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
huRtZ413
♀ Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes a others said wait , i say that because before the A i knew i was done having kids but after the A and him showing remorse i all of a sudden am having baby fever???? questionable right?? i think i the mist of reconnecting you get caught up cause your loving on each other and whats a result of love a baby ....right ??? being i knew i only ever wanted two kids and started feeling that way i knew it was just me trying to connect. even the WH said this is not the idea situation to bring a kid into . he also only ever wanted two kids and is looking to get fixed....he plans of sperm banking for me in case years down if i change my mind right before i hit the end of my baby making years that i still have healthy sperm to turn to
yeah well its a good thought so were looking into it



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
huRtZ413
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Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yes a others said wait , i say that because before the A i knew i was done having kids but after the A and him showing remorse i all of a sudden am having baby fever???? questionable right?? i think i the mist of reconnecting you get caught up cause your loving on each other and whats a result of love a baby ....right ??? being i knew i only ever wanted two kids and started feeling that way i knew it was just me trying to connect. even the WH said this is not the idea situation to bring a kid into . he also only ever wanted two kids and is looking to get fixed....he plans of sperm banking for me in case years down if i change my mind right before i hit the end of my baby making years that i still have healthy sperm to turn to
yeah well its a good thought so were looking into it



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
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