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User Topic: It's time - hospice for Mom
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom had a massive stroke 7 years ago. It left her non-verbal, unable to walk, and unable to swallow. She has been slowly fading ever since.

On Friday, her doctor let us know that she does not have long to live. Her health is precarious, and she is too weak to fight anything. It's time.

Today, my Dad met with a Hospice coordinator, and worked through all the impossible questions about how he wanted her last days to go. Yes to Hospice services. No to hospital interventions. Palliative care only. Check, check, initial here, sign there.

He is wrecked. Undone by the final burdens of a caregiver. Cast off from his moorings and watching the love of his life and his partner of 56 years drifting away.

My heart is so heavy, I can barely breathe.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24434 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((NIK)))))

Sending light and love and hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4847 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Mama_of_3_Kids
♀ Member
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11538 | Registered: Dec 2009
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nik)))

Posts: 11398 | Registered: Mar 2008
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for you all. May her final days be peaceful and pain free.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 5999 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

Posts: 33855 | Registered: Mar 2011
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK))) and (((NIKDad)))


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12124 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh NIK, I really don't know what to say. I wish I had some words that could offer some comfort.

Sensing you and your dad big (((HUGS))) and prayers.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5828 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NIK and family))))


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

I'm getting out of here.


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((nik))) Sending prayers of comfort for you all.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7779 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((NIK))))))

Posts: 6216 | Registered: Dec 2010
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((NIK and family)) Oh NIK, I just went through this when I lost my father last November. It's a horrible, painful time. Just know that this is the right decision and that your Mom's last days will be as peaceful and pain free as possible. Try to rest and be strong for your Dad, but don't forget to let yourself grieve as well. Hugs to you, sweetie. It's so hard, no way around it.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4922 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK and family)))


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 36469 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))

I have some experience with Hospice...if you need to talk, I'm here for you.

Sending you so much love and support...I hope you can feel it from Texas


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196464 | Registered: May 2002
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( Nowiknow23 )))


Me - 42
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 6069 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
abbycadabby
♀ Member
Member # 27428
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My word, NIK. What a beautifully sad way to phrase your post. I am so sorry for your mom's failing health and your dad's task of making these final decisions.

Hugs to you all. You're in my thoughts.


Posts: 1210 | Registered: Feb 2010
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51500 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK)))


Me: BSO - 45
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24341 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 18th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((NIK))))))

Oh hun...my heart is heavy for you. Holding you up with my hugs.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 56
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