Dday was last May, EX had already been away from home for 13 months with work so he just pretty much never came home. Up until August I was a complete mess, and then by the end of August I made the decision to mentally and emotionally move on, I had waited at home for a year while he travelled with work, I wasn't going to waste another year crying over something I couldn't change.
By October I had done all I could to secure my finances, my home life had as close to a normal routine as ever and I signed up for OLD.
I wasn't ready for OLD and within hours I hid my profile until November.
During November/December (from memory here) I went on around twelve first dates, even some second and third dates. I look back now and I wasn't ready for those first dates, but I also see it was having those dates that made me ready for the next time I tried OLD. From Oct to January I also went out a lot with friends and while out and about met other single women, I think I had more fun with them than I did with the OLD guys. I know without a doubt going out with other women and not just men gained me a strength and confidence that enabled me to move forward in a really healthy way.
Before Christmas I again hid my OLD profile for a month, so I was offline but in contact with three men I’d already met online and seeing two of them. I decided none of them were for me; I reworded my OLD profile and in January got back online. This time I had dating experience and felt much wiser. Straight away my new, blunter profile attracted three guys I was interested in, one never got past the email stage the other two I met and liked, went out with one three times and the other I'm still with.
I've joined two met up groups one for movies and another for writers; I highly recommend doing this if you want to get out and meet people. I've started seriously writing my book about what my EX did to me, pushed forward with my art ( I paint) and I've been selling a lot.
My kids(now 15 and 17)are doing well emotionally and physically but their school work has suffered immensely, the three of us have had some big screaming matches. My daughter especially tried to use EXs bad behaviour as an excuse for her own, but I held my ground and never let her get away with anything, we were all in it together, we were all hurting and we all needed to be there for each other. We are now closer than ever and no longer ride the infidelity induced emotional roller coaster, now it’s just your average teenage roller coaster and that’s scary enough!
My new man is of course gorgeous, we don’t agree on everything and our life styles are quite different but we connect and communicate so well, OMG I love his mind!... and his hands and his eyes and his smile, oh and his voice and lips!!! hmmm :) He treats me like a princess and has made me realise how selfish and shallow my EX is and how much warmth and love I missed out on during my 25 year marriage. I've been with this guy since the end of January, from the beginning we both acknowledged we eventually wanted a long term relationship, after a couple of months he said he thought we could be that LTR. We are taking it really slow; he met my sister last week but hasn't met my children yet. They know all about him and they'll meet soon (I'll meet his kids too) but I want to be as sure as I can that this is something that will last more than a few more months. I've read enough to know gently gently, smartly, quietly, is the way to go.
Regardless of what has happened and what will happen the biggest lesson in all this is ‘I am me’. I am complete and whole all on my own; I am responsible for my own happiness and sadness. This tornado of life spins around me,occasional debris whacking me sideways, but I stand solid and what is inside of me, my life force, can’t be controlled by anyone but me.
A lot of people said one day I'd thank him for what he did... no I won't. I am so happy, I love life and all the beauty it holds, not because I've survived his affair but because that's who I am, that’s who I've always been.
[This message edited by MyVoice at 6:14 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]
