SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So I did a little investigating and found OW's phone number libeally sprinkled throughout the phone records for the past year and a half. All throughout our time out of state, during and after MC and countless assurances of NC. I confronted him about this roughly a week ago and Mr Wonderful did the usual fogged out unrepentant WS routine - anger, defensiveness, deflection, gas lighting, shutting down... I basically told him one way or another I would be leaving.

Then a few hrs later tried to cook his way out of it - um, no sir... Then the following day started texting essay trying to explain away the contact, excuses and stories and halftruths blah blah freakin blah... I told him I didn't want to hear it, called him on his BS and sad he put OW ahead of his loyalty to me and his family, period.

(((Undec1ded))) I'm so sorry. I experienced false R. I don't have any words of wisdom except to take care of yourself and surround yourself with a good support system. Therapy, IC, has really helped me a lot.

What you said about the loyalty struck a chord with me. It is the one element of my WH's A that I cannot get over and that was his loyalty to her.

I'm so sorry you are here, but also glad. SI is such a great place and very informative.

I wish you well

I made it known he is not welcome in our bed so he has been sleeping in our spare room since. We spent a couple of days speaking only when absolutely necessary, then began to be civil, and were even able to joke around together yesterday.

It is difficult navigating the emotions I'm feeling while living in close quarters like this. In my mind nothing has changed from our last discussions - he still doesn't get it, just wants to rugsweep, etc so it seems R is totally not.gonna happen.

I made it clear I'm only still here because he doesn't want me taking our child back to where I used to live, and he acted surprised, as though he thought I would 'come around'. He kissed my goodbye (forehead) a couple of times and I looked at him like wth r u doing...

[This message edited by Undec1ded at 3:19 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]

Thanks crazyblindsided...

Today I found movie stubs in his shirt and I don't know and don't care who he was with, but it did make me trigger and prompted me calling him pissed off. He told me to make my mind up, I can't tell him to leave me alone cause he's a liar then get mad cause he does, says its obvious I don't care about him so why r we arguing... He just grates on me so much! My feelings were irrelevant (didn't cause him to genuinely pursue R), my loyalty and love obviously meant nothing, and because I'm literally stuck here because I woukd rather suffer than take his kid away from him he thinks its all gonna blow over in a couple of days?? As long as we don't talk about the A we are fine? No, idiot!! He makes me so mad!!!

Anyone have tips for living with WS indefinitely out of necessity and retaining their sanity?

Anyone have tips for living with WS indefinitely out of necessity and retaining their sanity?

You need to detach. Have you heard of the 180? Please look for it in the healing library, it will help you to not focus on him anymore and put the focus back on you. Then you can make a clearer decision about the future YOU want