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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

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User Topic: Will husband end up with other woman
Akers2
♀ New Member
Member # 39597
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new here and was just wondering if my husband really "loves" this other woman...will they be able to make it work with all the devastation they have caused? Has anyone's WS wound up being with his-her affair? He does seem to really love her and I am 23 weeks pregnant. He may leave me for her. Not too sure yet..do you think they'll be happy?


Danielle

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
KVille
♀ Member
Member # 29071
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read your profile. Sorry this is happening to you while you should be enjoying your pregnancy.
First stop trying to contact that POS woman. DO not give her the time of day. GO to your doctor and get tested for STD's.
Tell your husband to send a no contact letter with you there.

I am sure others will be along to help.
Take care of yourself and your baby.


never ever getting back together

Posts: 167 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: North Carolina
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, kiddo, I was pregnant with my 4th when I found out. I went to the doc and said I needed them to re-do all the STD tests, including HIV. It was good that they did -- I did have an STD and I needed antibiotics for the rest of the pregnancy and intraveinously while in labor to protect my daughter. She still had/has some problems that will be lifelong but she honestly could have died if I hadn't had the tests done again.

Please tell them why too, they will help you so much. These docs see it all, OK? They've seen worse than what you're going through and can be a huge source of support to you.

I would consider seeing an attorney and filing for official separation, child support, etc. as well. But that's up to you.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I also discovered my STBX's A when I had a 4 month old. He has officially left us for her. She was also "special" and "incredible" and I just couldn't possibly understand their love. She has now moved from out of state and in with him. We are in the process of divorcing.

Will they be happy together? Who knows? I have my doubts though. In my case, he lied to her about being married and having children initially. She stayed with him though, like an idiot. He's a passive aggressive, pathological liar. I don't know who could be happy with that in the long run. At this point, I'm just happy to have him off of my hands.

As others have stated, be prepared to get what you and your baby need from him financially. He really doesn't seem to be committed to R at this point. I'm so sorry that this had happened to you.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 887 | Registered: Mar 2013
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry your going through this sweety. My husband left me and our kids to be with this "incredible" woman. He left and got an apartment and everything. Initially I had fought hard for him to stay with me and then finally threw my hands up and gave up.

A month or so later he started coming around slowly, for the kids, to talk finanaces... something or other. We eventually worked it out and I let him move back in.

He always says now that he really thought he loved her and that he would be happier with her. That if he were not married to me, him and her could have had a happy life together. It wasn't till he got the chance to fully be with the her , only then he realized all that he was sacraficing for her.

He was in a fog of disillusion for a long time, almost 3 year with her. He really thought things would be graet and exciting. I didnt know the full extent of his affair then but I remember telling him to leave.

I told him good luck having a healthy relationship with someone who does not value monogamy. She wont have trust issues...right?? And neither will you?

Very few ammounts of affairs last to long term relationships because the foundation is so rocky. He wont be able to see it though. Because at this point, she is "perfect" for him. She is his "happiness". YOU are just standing in his way to what makes him happy.


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are in this situation, but we'll help, you aren't alone.

First thing you want to do is the 180! (in the Healing Library BS FAQ #11.) Also "Understanding the 180" http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=232785.

Basically anything in JFO with a bullseye icon - is for you.

I want you to picture building a beautiful life for just you and your baby (boy or girl btw?) and I want you to push thoughts of what he is going to do out the door. He is irrelevant unless and until he proves himself worthy. You'll have to force yourself to do this at first - but you have a great motivator: the health and well-being of you and the baby.

Will he be happy with OW? Doubtful! For starters he thinks she is unselfish?!!! How laughable - only a selfish bitch gets involved with a man, married all of 2 months, with a baby on the way. Much more likely she is a train wreck. But that is his problem - not yours.

As for nagging? Well, would you have nagged if he did what you requested in the first place? Were you asking for anything unreasonable? Listen - This isn't about you! He isn't cheating because of anything you've done - He just married you for Pete's sake! My guess it that he is a scared little boy freaking out because he is about to become a Dad, with real grownup responsibilities. If this is his malfunction - be aware it is a major malfunction!

He would have to dig deep to find out why he runs away and hides from the reality he has chosen, and why it is okay to destroy you in the process! But all of this conjecture is pointless. It doesn't matter. What matters is you and the baby. What you can control is you!

You are going to have an amazing life! You are going to be a Mom!! Whether you chose to do that in FL or Ohio is up to you. Whether you allow him to be part of it - also up to you. But make him work for it! Actions not words. You are not a winner or loser here. You are the prize! Believe it! Act it!
180, 180, 180!!!

(((Akers and babe))))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

According to all I read and hear, the chances of a long happy relationship/marriage of two people who started out their relationship by cheating on their spouse is not very good, but that does not mean anything about your circumstances or your WS and his OW.

My XH married the final OW and they have been married over 20 years. I won't go so far as to say it is a "happy" marriage but they are married and it is highly unlikely they will ever split. It is reality that sometimes they do end up with the OW.


Posts: 5741 | Registered: Apr 2006
Akers2
♀ New Member
Member # 39597
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I find him and her disgusting for doing this to me but I need to know if I should move on with my life or try to work it out. he told me this morning he would write a letter to her, let me read it, and give it to her to let her know they will have no more contact. I feel like I don't even know him anymore and how could I possibly stay with such a scum bag willing to jeopardize my health and baby's health. Baby boy, BTW..his name is Everett! How can he think she is so "incredible" when she would go after a married man. What a bitch. He even tells me not to talk bad about her because she's a "great" person...I want my happy life back :( (((((hugs to you all)))) this is devastating.


Danielle

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
dovetool
♀ Member
Member # 37072
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Akers do the 180. Otherwise you may get caught in this cycle of he wants her and you are standing in his way. Move on with your life. People appreciate the things and people they have in their lives until their gone.


Me BS: 29
Him WH: 35
OW: 40 was a "friend". Our sons were best friends.
Married 11 years
D-day: 12/05/12
D-day: of who it really was 08/2012
R: started in 03/2012
True recover September... rough at first for me since I wasnt sure about

Posts: 68 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: dovetool
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everett is a beautiful name.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm loving the name Everett! I looked up the meaning: Strong as a wild boar. Tap into that line of thinking!!

Akers - you do not have to decide right now what you will do. Right now you are growing a human being - that is enough!!! There is nothing saying you have to decide about your M right now!!!

I recommend consulting an atty to get information - because sometimes there are things you should do, or should not do, to protect yourself whether you stay together or not. And as your WH is still protecting the OW, I think it is especially wise to cover your bases. What happens if she is or gets pregnant -- for example... But beyond that... there is no need to rush to any decision!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found on the internet:

A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers.

Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.

Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee.

That means your WH has about a 1% chance of divorcing you, marrying OW and staying married to her the rest of his life.

One sad statistic I found is that only about 31% of all marriages survive an affair.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 847 | Registered: Jun 2012
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he can't see her for what she really is he's not ready for reconciliation.

Not sure when your d-day was, but I'm guessing pretty recently.

Are you two in MC? Does he work with her?


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Akers2
♀ New Member
Member # 39597
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, June 19th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep..they work together. We are going to go to MC and my D day was June 3, 2013. I don't even know my own husband anymore. I NEVER thought he would do this, especially since we were so excited about our baby. I'm due October 22nd...my whole pregnancy has been tarnished and Im devastated. this was supposed to be a happy time for us :( I hate him so much right now and he just sleeps peacefully while I'm up trying to come to terms with the life he has destroyed for us. What a bastard!


Danielle

Posts: 8 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 14

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