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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Angry newlywed....but also afraid, please help?
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 11:49 AM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



I will piggy back on what others have said. You need to call your parents and get out.

You can't live a lie. It will eat you alive. This is not a healthy place for you to be physically or mentally.

I am not sure how you have not confronted him by now. I personally do not possess that much self control.

He is a fake and a liar. He is hiding behind God which makes it that much sicker in my book. I wouldn't want him anywhere around my kids via youth ministry.

Don't be a wife in any sense of the word. Especially do not sleep with him. You are going to need to be tested for STD's.

He is an egomaniac and most likely a narcissist.

You need to count your blessings that you have found out now before children.

Call your parents. Move forward.

(((hugs and prayers)))

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It almost sounds like he did the 'man' thing they do in some countries and married himself a chaste, untouched virgin to be his wife and mother of his kids.

Rather than sully you, he's doing what a lot of these men also do and is getting his jollies elsewhere because you're too 'pure' to unleash his manly passions on.

Stupid, moronic and archaic, but that's what it really sounds like.

Get out while you're young and especially before you get pregnant or you'll be stuck to this guy for life.

Good luck to you.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I hope you have called your family.

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey sweetie. I'm so sorry. You did nothing, not one damned thing wrong. Unfortunately, evil can wear a mask of wholesomness quite successfully ... for a time. You were smart, you figured it out relatively quickly, and you are finding support and strength.

I hope that you've called your parents. Also, please go to your work's HR department and see about them stopping payment into his account and cutting you a check directly. You need to get away from this evil excuse for a human being as quickly as possible. And check into an annullment. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ New Member
Member # 39602
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everybody. Thanks again for all the love and advice. You have no idea how encouraging it is when I feel more naive, stupid and embarrassed right now than I ever have (but, trying not to focus on the negatives now. I don't want to break down, I have to be strong now but I have this gut feeling that when I do it'll be ugly.)

I haven't called my parents. They are on a cruise right now and I don't want to ruin their vacation with that information-- my mother in particular is going to be absolutely shattered. I'm actually more concerned about her than me at this point, i think.

They'll be back next week. In the meantime I've a friend here; she's a few years older, married and extremely kind. She has offered to let me stay with her until I get myself sorted out, so I'll probably slip out someday this week while he's at work.

The STD thing really really freaked me out as I've been having a reoccurent , nasty case of thrush since he came back from that "business" trip. I thought I'd just suddenly become susceptible to thrush (even though I never had it before my wedding or that trip) and now I'm terrified he gave me something (even the doctor, who barely speaks English, implied as much.) Results in three days, fingers crossed....and I think I might just snap if he gave me some nasty disease.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. That thrush thing happened to me too. Fun times, right?!!

Definitely take Skans advice and stop your paychecks from going into joint accounts. Pack your stuff and get out of there today. And please, please, please, call your Mom. I waited to tell my Mom and she was very hurt by it. I'm a Mom as well and if this was happening to my daughter I would move heaven and earth to get you home and safe with me. You will not ruin her cruise. Hell, she'll probably get the boat to your location and pick you up! You NEED your Mom right now, even if it's only by phone. She'll be able to help you make a plan.

Super big hugs to you and I think you can probably get an annulment. Speaking of that. Did you marry in a church where you live now? If so, you may want to go to the church for comfort and advice. Don't worry about your WH being a member.

Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
Topic Posts: 26
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