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Newest Member: betterneverlate (44986)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He wants to move
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has told me he isn't worried about ME running into her.
Of course he's not worried. He is protecting her identity, and you wouldn't know her if she bit your nose.

This is NOT acceptable. Harboring secrets erects barriers to reconciliation. If he's got secrets, there is NO way to EVER regain the emotional intimacy required for a healthy marriage.

Is he in IC? He needs to dig DEEP to find out why it's okay to protect himself and his OW at the expense of your future together.

No matter how he minimizes and justifies, she's still taking priority here.

That won't work.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I was thinking of that this weekend.

I wonder if his boss would talk to me. That would be helpful in determining where I stand.

At IC this morning I discussed this uncertainty. The hour eventually got around to "does it matter?"

I think I am leaning toward "not really", especially if he isn't willing to get IC himself.

If we can't talk, if I can't believe what he says, if I doubt his sanity (with reasonable cause), then what is the point?

And its not just my safety I have to worry about, but also my son's.

I also think I may have found her. WH asked me to log in the computer as him because "some weird update thingy needed my attention". He was doing dishes so I poked around.

I found some files which were not OF anything that began with her first initial and then had another name. Its the kind of name that could be a first name or a last name.

When I put them together on facebook I found someone that could be her, city, marital status, kid pic, etc. match.

When I searched with her name and town I only found 1 other thing about her from a recent obituary for a family member.

If I have found her I don't really feel better. The family picture she has posted is from 2009 and she's squinting. I don't think I'd recognize her if I saw her.

When I asked WH who S..... was he said "what?", I showed him the files, and he said that is her name. I asked what was up with the files of nothing. He said that is where he has been trying to save these pop-unders from Mylife with her picture on them. Apparently he is blaming Mylife for ruining his life and is trying to give them documentation of this "issue" he has contacted them about. But he didn't understand their instructions for using "print screen" to save screen shots. I asked him if he was really just trying to save a picture of her to let me know and I'd help him before he totally junked up the computer He took that pretty well. Looked like I hit him but said sorry, no, he just wanted the company to show the company they were wrong about their pop-unders.

His rather calm and non-panicked reaction to my asking about the files gives me hope that maybe I can ask for more info just for my own "protection" such as what her car looks like so that I can avoid or BOLO.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he thinks the OW is stalking you..but you dont have the right to know what she looks like? What if she approaches you? You need to know who she is so you can protect yourself.

I would go to her job and talk to the boss and find out why your WH was fired. Then I would talk to her. It doesn't have to be a knock down drag-out fight. But you have every right to look her in the eye...*IF* she had an affair with your WH.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7437 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I think he thinks she is stalking him...and not even that exactly but thinking about him, trying to cross his path to get his attention without looking like she is.
^his thoughts, not mine^

And its stuff like that that makes me think he's bonkers.

He thinks if I show up at her work it will result in more problems of harassment for him.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and I have also been trying to figure out a keylogger I can put on that computer that he won't be aware of. I haven't had much time to research them.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well its a moot point now.

Home from a LL game and he says "boy did I almost have a shit, who was that blonde you were talking to?"

I ask why, he said he thought it was her. This person looks nothing like the person I saw on facebook. Then he told me that the man with the lady I was talking to looked like "her" husband who looks nothing like the guy on facebook. Then I said "well, while you are being open and talkative how about the make, model, and color of this car you keep worrying about seeing." He shut up and walked away.

He's tried to engage me in conversation several times since about news, a phone call from earlier in the day, and other banal conversations and I just keep saying "no", even when "no" makes no sense

I'm done. Tomorrow I will teach myself how to change a door knob and lock on MY bedroom. Tomorrow I am going to clean out my retirement and pay the penalties and give the $ to my dad to hold.

As soon as my son is done with his desert I'm going to take a pill and go to bed.

My new life starts at bedtime.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Jennifer)))) this will be a turning point. No matter what the outcome.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We moved about 2 years after Dday and it has been totally great for me.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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