I know how it is. There's a book that is written for WSs on helping your spouse heal from an A. Can't remember the title offhand.
The author's first name is xOw2's mom's name. The author's last name is xOw2's married name, which is similar to her maiden name. Since xOw2's mom has written a couple of books, I had a moment of WTF when I saw the author's name...until I realized the difference in last names.
I can laugh about it now...and the fact that the pipes in our basement have xOw2's name on them (part of the company name). Now I say it's fitting her name is used when we flush our toilets.
It sucks, but the sting goes away. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣