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Newest Member: LostinBluseas (45054)

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User Topic: I just don't get it
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is the allure of an A?

I could be an OW tomorrow if the mood hits.

I think about having sex with someone other than WS and then I think it would probably be horrible and I would be wracked with guilt so that's a motivator to not have an RA.

WS is the King of rationalization.

How do you convince yourself that an A is a good idea?

The guilt would kill me.

I hate being in/getting into trouble, I have since I was a kid.

Even though there is no emotional connection with WS, an A, actually committing to an A is just something I think about to pass the time but the logistics and potential fallout stop me in my tracks.

I get flirted with, it's nice to a point, but then I get super creeped out, creeped out to the point that I want to carry a bat around with me

I just don't get it.

Thanks for letting me get that little nugget out of my head.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5400 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One word: Compartmentalization


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20221 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Thiscantbhapning
♀ New Member
Member # 39601
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The number one thing that stops me from a RA is losing the respect of my children.


BS (Me)-48
WH-49
COW-28
PA-5 1/2 months
D-Day 5-8-11 (Happy Mother's Day to me)
Married 26 years
DS-24
DD-22
Trying to R
"Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up."

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One word: Compartmentalization

^^^^ I would add His.


Another word Integrity - Yours.


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5160 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
imagoodwitch
♀ Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't worry so much about my kids losing respect for me.

They have seen what has transpired over the last 4 years or so. They have "seen" their father and probably wouldn't blame me.

I would blame me.

If its that bad, D and move on, don't torture your spouse by having an A.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5400 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Compartmenatlization? Oh maybe for some.

I think others it is simply impulse control and poor boundaries allow them to take the first step (Ex: accepting the AP's initial proposition while drunk)

Then I think the brain starts a justification process to help them squelch the feelings of guilt.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 856 | Registered: Jun 2012
Thiscantbhapning
♀ New Member
Member # 39601
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're right. Actually, losing my self-respect would be worse.


BS (Me)-48
WH-49
COW-28
PA-5 1/2 months
D-Day 5-8-11 (Happy Mother's Day to me)
Married 26 years
DS-24
DD-22
Trying to R
"Maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up."

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, June 20th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can even think about it. I never have. Yes I have had a few sexual fantasies but most included my H in some way or another.

Now It makes me sick to think about it. I don't know if the emotional trauma of what my H did to me is the reason or just growing past the fantasies of it.

I do sometimes fantasies about being single. Not about the sex part but being free so to speak.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have found that it is just plain easier to live honestly.

Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
dazzledbyedward
♀ New Member
Member # 36526
Default  Posted: 2:23 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way. I just don't get it.
I asked my husband to explain it to me because I seem to be not inteligent enough to undertstand this allure.
Being adored by sb new is always exciting but crossing the boundries of your marriage and disrespecting your family is cruel.

I agree with those saying they would never lose self-respect, but I guess some people are simply broken and indifferent to hurting others.
The thought that my husband is one of those people killed me inside. Did I choose wrong?

When you see a ILY text from your husband to a coworker he barely knows, he never sees outside the work, he never calls just texts, you lose yourself forever.
What is wrong with them?


Posts: 5 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Poland
Topic Posts: 10

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