this is what I'm bringing to the table. I'm sure it'll be a long 90 mile ride home, and we have plans with two other couples for my birthday dinner.... what he has said in quotes:
1. On healing - ďIf I think about it, it may be too much and Iíll have to divorce you.Ē Then look what I did in the face and divorce me. At least thatís authentic and honest. Iím done rug-sweeping. We did that for 20 years and look where it got us.
2. On triggering - ďwhy do you tell me something if I canít do anything about it?Ē Because I need you to understand some of the triggers I deal with. I donít share all of them with you but I need you to hear the pain of my big ones.
3. The double standard Ė you wonít ever go to (town 150 miles away where I was raped) but I have to live here, where you had two consensual relationships? Really?
4. You ask me to consider filing a civil lawsuit but you didnít do any reading on how this would impact the victim nor did you go to a rape advocacy center to talk to them. Why do I have to do all the legwork? Iím not going to file a civil suit. Iím dealing with enough trauma in this relationship. Youíll have to decide if you can live with that.
5. Why do I have to put my pain inside a little box and get it out when itís appropriate. Fuck that. You had two affairs. You better be ready to deal with the fallout at any time. If you canít, Iím not interested.
6. Homicidal rage from seeing a car like the AP. I understand that but are you sure you arenít blaming him for the current state of your life?
7. The Facebook picture Ė external validation still needed and it scares me. Youíre a 50 year old bank president posting a picture of yourself shirtless. Really?
his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
4 kiddos in lower 20's
ďSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."