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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Whoa jackson!!! Hold your horses! Yeesh.....
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shelly, one thing that helped me slow OLD to the pace I wanted was establishing a personal rule that I don't message the same person more than once every 24 hours/day. Seeing as you've already sent at least 2 rounds back and forth with this guy in less than six hours today, get off the computer and let his response (which I don't doubt will come in about 30 minutes or less! ) sit until tomorrow. Establish your own pace.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13739 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good idea Amazonia! Sounds like a plan!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OLD got a lot easier for me when I became proactive rather than reactive - things like setting my own boundaries, establishing a (mental) checklist of what I needed at bare minimum from a guy to even respond, etc. I do think you'll get there, hopefully without too many bumps from the drama along the way.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13739 | Registered: Jul 2011
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I've already avoided answering emails that are "one-liners" or worse.... one comment... like "What's up?" "How are you" "You are beautiful" "Wanna text?" etc..... those are lazy and non-engaging. If someone takes the time to write to me and depending on the content of their message is whether or not I will respond or not.

I've had a few guys that I was absolutely not interested in (most of whom were like 20 years my senior) email me ODD messages like one said,

"Do you believe in ghosts?"

I did not respond. Weird.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His response to me asking him to take things slow was:

"Let's start as friends"

Okay...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Fireball72
♀ Member
Member # 20152
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok redhead, here goes:

I don't know about anyone else, but I find this a little disturbing. I'd expect to be addressed by my name, or at the very least, the name I chose for my profile. "Redhead", to me, seems like a depersonalization. It comes off as VERY awkward, especially in the context of the rest of the message. Just... weird.

I am looking for a job right now so I hope that doesn't count against me.

Maybe I'm shallow, but this would definitely be a death knell. Someone who is unemployed, to me, suggests that he has other, more important, issues to be taking care of right now. Like, say, how he's supporting himself.

Not a good sign.

Anyway, you're talking to a good guy so don't pursue me unless you really like me.

He protests a little too much, there, doesn't he?

I'd "next" this one.

Well, I've already avoided answering emails that are "one-liners" or worse....

I always HATED that, when I was doing the OLD thing. First impressions and all that - people must really think that "hey babe ur beautiful" will stand out from the rest.

I met my now-husband, then SO, on OLD (OKCupid, if you can believe it) - he sent back a weird one-liner, which normally would have warranted a "next!". However, that one line was directly related to something I had written IN my profile - and it showed me that he was PAYING attention to what I wrote.

That's what I really looked for - someone that could read!


XBS - 42 and fabulous :D
Remarried happily in 2013
A relationship is built for two. But apparently, some bitches don't know how to count!

Posts: 602 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: The Chesapeake Bay
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG it's almost like you're potentially dating my exBF.

I echo this sentiment:

This is what really sticks out to me in the second email. Sorry, but if you have to tell someone you're a good guy, you're probably not.

While I'm ok with him asking the "would you relocate" question, I think his second email to you is a little...creepy. It can't hurt to give him a chance and see how things might play out, but I would proceed with caution.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's what I really looked for - someone that could read!

SEE!!!! That's ME!!! I rarely email guys....but on occasion I will come across a profile that I really like...and when I email a guy...I will take the time to send something very witty and detailed about something they said in their profile or several things and comment on it...to show that I read their profile.. and to ME....that shows that I took the time and effort in reading about them....

I hope that guys appreciate that sort of thing....and not just care about the pictures....


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not going to even proceed with this one...its not worth my time and effort to pursue a "friendship" with this guy and after our few interactions.....it sounds like he may have a little baggage he should be checking before he should be dating.... IMO... but its just not something I want to deal with at this point....no thanks.

NEXT!!!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you really ready for this, Shelley?? You told him in no uncertain terms to slow the hell down, he comes back and says,"Let's be friends" and you want to NEXT him??

And as for baggage, there's a lot of that to go around...

If you were still creeped out (trust your gut) or saw his unemployment as a problem, I could understand, but this sounds like you're just not ready.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20160 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
SoHappyNow
♀ Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes a really BAD beginning does not predict the future. My cousin met her SO online, and he wanted the first in person date to be a picnic in the mountains.

I was positive that he was a serial killer and was all over her with the "only meet at a public place, in the daytime, with a friend along" type of advice. He turned out to be a real sweetie.


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2290 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyway, you're talking to a good guy so don't pursue me unless you really like me.

Him asking about relo right off the bat made me roll my eyes but this is a definite "no thanks" to me.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
TrainerCarrie
♀ Member
Member # 14851
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd run, those emails are creepy!


Sometimes giving up something you want is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Never, ever date your neighbor.


Posts: 2820 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Almost Heaven...West Virginia.
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad...

I had decided BEFORE he said "Let's just be friends" that I was creeped out by him. I just didn't get a good vibe from his emails. I felt interrogated and it just didn't feel natural at all to me. I'm just going with my gut on this one!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally think his emails make him sound like a guy who does nothing but hover around the online dating sites. He comes off as needy and controlling. It's all about his security, seems to me. You can do so much better.

If you're someone for whom getting together for a cup of coffee is no big deal, than skip the email screening and get the cup of coffee. It's no more of an investment than trying to decipher these strange emails.

But if you'd rather screen by email, IMHO this guy is *not* coming off well at all. He sounds like someone who would put you in an emotional vice grip.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree OnceInALifetime!

He did scream "needy" in his emails... and very insecure... he needed me to reassure him that I wouldn't break his heart and that I really liked him and it seemed like he needed concrete definitive answers on everything and it was just way too early for me to give him what he wanted. I just thought it was best for us to go our separate ways. Maybe he will be able to find a girl who lives near him that is looking for a nice smothering pillow type of relationship... but I don't need a guy telling me he loves me on the 3rd date.... and this guy kinda came across like he might be that type of guy....IDK... but I just have no desire to find out...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2721 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What creeps me out is if I knew what I was sending was being scrutinized by people on forums. I know we all ask friends for advice, but maybe you need to move on to the next or feel them out a little more. I am sure you would be a real breaker if he knew you were discussing him here.

No 2x4 here, just remember some people are just awkward.


Posts: 2172 | Registered: Mar 2011
Topic Posts: 37
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