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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Why can't he just leave me alone?
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bit of background info- X and I have both been a part of what can best be called a neighborhood watch group. He's involved in the safety patrol part, I work in the community outreach part. Mrs. Robinson used to be involved but she slept with one of the members, and when she realized he was not going to leave his gf she flipped out and quit and cussed out the group leader idk why. She was subsequently banned from ever rejoining the group or attending events.

That was in february. Last month she sent an email out to the group saying that I am a crazy stalker and need to be banned and should not be near X. The result was a more defined split between the outreach and patrol groups, me being in one, X in another (all done without my input or notification, I didn't even know about the email) No announcement was made.
Apparently since then X has been badgering everyone that I need to be banned (awkward, since I haven't done anything wrong or even seen him in two months) So this week it came to a point of dealing with it. The group leader sent out an email stating that I am not a member of the group proper, only the auxiliary outreach group under the leadership of Awesome Lady (name changed) Furthermore I am now on the "banned list" and not allowed at trainings or patrols (I didn't go anyway...) and if anyone had questions talk to him.

It has effectively changed nothing, it was just rude and done to appease X. I have left him alone to do what he wants. I don't know why he and Mrs. Robinson felt the need to ensure that I was "banned" when I havent been causing a problem or showing up where I don't belong. I mean why was it not enough to boot me from the main group, I had to be banned?

It feels like bullying, I mind my own business and they come after me anyway.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know why he and Mrs. Robinson felt the need to ensure that I was "banned" when I havent been causing a problem or showing up where I don't belong.

I'm thinking it's b/c she doesn't want you anywhere near your X.
If she keeps you & X from ever interacting, she may keep a tighter hold on him, kwim? As in, no fond reminiscing, no joking, chatting, no possibility of getting back together.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its so silly though because if the outreach group does a homeless handout or other project and he chooses to go, I have every right to be there. I'm only banned from things I didn't do anyway! Lol.

And he really wanted me to bring DS for visitation, I insisted on NC. If I wanted to have fun, happy family time with him, I could. I choose not to because he is acting like a self absorbed POS, so she can have him. They deserve each other.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd want to find out WHY they felt the need to ban you, based on his word only. I'm one who likes to set the record straight though. He's probably telling some lie about you and they are believing them.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3296 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
movingforward13
♀ Member
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 3:51 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like they are trying to get a reaction from you to bond themselves together even stronger. Again, the focal point for them is you. I wouldn't even respond or say anything to any one about it since it really doesn't matter to you. Lets see what they come up with next... Consider making reports just in case if it turns harassing.


Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 637 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thinking it's b/c she doesn't want you anywhere near your X.
If she keeps you & X from ever interacting, she may keep a tighter hold on him, kwim? As in, no fond reminiscing, no joking, chatting, no possibility of getting back together.

Ding ding ding!

Regardless of your Xs reasons, Id be tempted to call the group leader and give him a piece of my mind. Banning you based on rumors is bad enough, but to notify you publicly, oh hell no. That is not the way to run any kind of organization.


Posts: 3334 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I have thought about telling the leader of the group that a personal call, or even email, prior to the public notice would have been respectful. Awesome Lady who runs the outreach group told me, but since he was the one who made the decision I feel like it was cowardly for him to not tell me himself. What ever happened to integrity?

But I'm not going to afford this any sort of attention. Its whatever. No feeding the drama llamas.

Not that my action, or inaction, matters. It will always be something. If I'm nice, its to be manipulative, if I'm not nice, then I am mean. This is partly why the relationship ended. Mrs. Robinson convinced him to be totally paranoid about me and my intentions. And even now, with NC, it continues...


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way would I take that crap! I'd look into whether you could file some sort of harassment or libel charges or something. Fuck that shit. Once they put it in writing, it becomes libel, if what they say isn't true and it's meant to ruin your reputation or otherwise cause you hardship. I'm not a lawyer, but I think you have a good case, and I'd go for it, because screw them. That's a good reason, right? No, actually because they ARE harming you, by excluding you from a group in your community, and I really think you ought to follow that up with the leader of that group. That's more than bullying. He is bullying you! What your ex and his OW are doing is way worse.


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto on the libel angle. At the very least mentioning it to the leader of the group might have him rethinking his procedure next time.

Hell, they believe the tramp that already screwed one involved group member and is now shacking up with another?

Wonder if he's been in her pants or wants to be?


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11114 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I curl up and make myself as nonthreatening as possible, maybe they'll think the job is done and finally turn on each other.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I disagree with ignoring this.
if anyone had questions talk to him

Call Napoleon up and tell him that YOU have a question....and that question is W.T.F?? (well, word the question a bit more tactfully than that )

You have been treated unfairly and unjustly and that deserves an explanation.

This is not a matter of feeding or NOT feeding drama llamas. This is an issue of sticking up for yourself.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7919 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have requested to speak with him. We'll see what happens.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 12

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