It can happen... To quote a wise woman: "Just keep trying"
There's some shell around my heart and it's just so hard to break through to it sometimes.
Wow, that sounds like my ol' pal "PAIN". It's my buddy that I wear as a shild...I feel the need to keep it around...just in case, ya know?
I'm so glad you had a lovely day with Crazz. Waking to roses on the bed-stand is the BESTEST!!
Your words are so wise I thought that you had been here longer but we have been here about the same time.
I get not letting your guard down.
But is nice to truly feel the love from your husband like the A never happened. It's kinda of a rush to truly be two becoming one.
Let it be just you two today.
(((((Congrats Jrazz and Crazz)))))
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
"I blame his "slip ups" as reasons I can't move forward, but on days like today it's clear to me that I can be so deep in self-protect mode that I'm scared to actually enjoy myself with him."
I can relate, and, it seems like a pretty reasonable response to betrayal.
[This message edited by Ladyogilvy at 1:28 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]
We "celebrated " our 10th anniversary last week. He put out all the stops... Champagne at 5 am, our fist dance song, a limo to airport, trip to NYC and new diamonds for our wedding bands
But all I can think is that I was not good enough for the better part of 18 months. He cheated on me. Planned to leave me. And now I'm supposed to believe it was a mistake?
I feel like such a jerk posting here, he is trying, trying trying, I have read stories of heartbreak and sorrow especially about non remorseful spouses.... But for me, I'm beginning to wonder if this whole thing isn't a deal breaker
"Keep you in the dark you know they all pretend. Keep you in the dark and so it all began" Pretender by Foo Fighters
Crazz has done a few categorically dumb things over the last few months, and it puts my doubts to the front and makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing here. It somehow temporarily washes away all the work he's done in my head and I want to run screaming for the door.
The thing is, I KNOW that it's an uphill battle for him to shed a lot of his selfish behaviors, and he IS trying. If I can calm down and look at the big picture, there are a lot of days that I'm ready to lose it if he's not being perfect, and that's on me.
People would give their right eye for a FWS that works as hard as mine does, and I have some hangups I need to let go of. I still get to be confused and frustrated as he figures out how to be a good partner, but yesterday really helped me take a look in the mirror.
He wanted to do whatever I did, whenever I did. His gifts were thoughtful - not out of apology like gifts used to arrive, but preemptively even though I've been doubting everything about us out loud for the last few months.
I don't HAVE to stay. This doesn't HAVE to work, but when I see clear signs that me not letting go is a hinderance, I try to take a deep breath and allow myself to feel vulnerable to the possibility that we could work. It feels ok today.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:37 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
The mixed feelings are understandable. Keep at it, sweetie. It gets easier .
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
Here is a song I love, that I couldn't listen to thru a lot of our journey to R. Today it makes me feel happy.
Kat Edmonson, Lucky.