After a year of that "gut" feeling screaming that something was way off.
After hearing her tell me "I'm not in love with you any more".
After months of being demonized and vilified for no rational reason.
After months of believing her need to spend the night at her girlfriends house to "think about us".
After discovering the Valentines Day "love" letter that she wrote to her adultery partner - right after I gave her the letter I wrote telling her how much I missed her.
After telling her that there may be forgiveness and a possibility of putting our family back together - and her agreeing.
After being deceived again and discovering her car at his house.
After confronting them together - as a father, not a husband - and telling them that our children are going through hell because of their selfish, dysfunctional behavior.
After months and months of being blamed for her behavior, given irrational excuses, and witnessing complete irresponsibility.
After months of separation knowing she was still seeing the adultery partner all-the-while denying it.
After finally filing for divorce from this self-deluded, dysfunctional, bag of dishonest, deceitful shit.
After her being served and finally realizing their will be a life-changing consequence for is shit-bag behavior.
After getting the tearful phone calls asking if we can reconcile.
After searching every part of my heart, mind, and soul for any iota of a chance to remain married to this woman.
I could not.
The marriage finished. The divorce is final. The family is broken. She is feels guilt, shame, remorse, and regret. My children lost the foundation from which they would have drawn their greatest strength. Now they are members of a stupid statistic.
My children lost the foundation from which they would have drawn their greatest strength
Why? Are you planning on leaving them?
Your children are very lucky to have you as their father. Very lucky, indeed.
Be there for your children. Model healthy adult behavior for them. Be their rainbow after the storm.
I promise you that brighter days are ahead. Its like trying to watch a flower grow. You cant. but each day will be microscopically better than the last. And then...one day.... BOOM!
Just hang in there.
But I'm going to sit on the "this is fucking bullshit" bench with you because right now, at this point in time, that's how I'm feeling also. My kids deserved better than having to deal with parents that are divorced because one of them is too f'n self-absorbed and self-serving to put THEM in front of himself.
For what(?) indeed. Just *smh*.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I'm not sure why they feel the need to implode their lives, kept. Just know that we're better off without them because we want to lead healthy, authentic lives where we give of ourselves to others without a "What's in it for me?" expectation behind it. My XWH has always been about his "needs," and those will always be more important to him than any one person in his life. It's sad when you see them prioritize their selfish beliefs over the security that their children need. That was the hardest part of the mess for me to accept-- XWH didn't just cheat on me and destroy our relationship. He cheated on his children and destroyed their safe and loving home life. Now, he's hoping to recreate that with the OW, but I'm pretty sure that, somewhere down the line, history will repeat itself.
Keep being the solid, loving parent that you are. It's not always easy, and it's sometimes lonely, but when I see my kids laughing or telling me how they've had "a great day," I know that it's all worth it.
But enough is enough.
If she had, I might have fought it out.
We all have our breaking points. I didn't reach mine until I finally realized that my WW wasn't going to come out of the fog and experience any kind of remorse for what she had done. It sounds like you're still at your breaking point even with the remorse.
A wise friend of mine said to me, after I had finally put away any hope of recovering my marriage, that "There is always hope, if you can bear it." It was a question of whether I was willing to put my heart on the line for the slim chance, the barest statistical probability that things might turn around. I wasn't. And it sounds like neither are you. But I'll still leave you with the same words, in case they mean anything to you.
There is always hope, if you can bear it.
I'm divorced now. A strange feeling. I come from parents who have been married for 52 years and persevered in the ups and downs of their marriage. After going through the betrayal, being horribly lied to, given irrational excuses, and being blamed for her destructive decisions, I will say that my parents are my true hero's.