I haven't told her that I filed for D and her extended friends are all pretty traditional and judgmental.
Is it wrong of me to not go? I just don't want to answer small talk questions about anything. Plus I'm in a pretty emotional place today about his A. Wish I could stick my head back in the sand until I'm through the thick of D.
What do you say to people and random acquaintances during D. I don't know how to best handle the inevitable small talk.
I expected that I'd get a lot of push back, but I've been pleasantly surprised that the majority of people back off immediately. For the few who do pry, I just tell them that "it didn't work out" and I leave it at that. They're gonna find out eventually. I wouldn't avoid supporting a friend just to avoid a topic that will come out at some point. Go and have a good time.
There is a way to be matter-of-fact and graceful and I've found even the most judgmental people on the planet with us understand when someone has truly been duped.
Also, in the long run, what will it matter when you may not see them for a long while in between, anyway? I had to go through this with relatives and friends, too and I just told it like it was.
The other thing is, it eventually comes out, anyway.
I wish you well Rainbows, and am going through similar things and D process, also. It's one of the most terrible things in my whole life.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
My M appeared to be in a good place before dday. I filed pretty soon after, so the D has been shocking to some of our friends.
1. We are getting divorced because I didn't like his girlfriend.
2. We had a difference of religious opinion, he thought he was God, I disagreed.
If I tell someone (I don't know well or I know they are a gossip) I am divorced and they ask "Why?" I ask "Why do you want to know?" THAT usually shuts them up pretty quickly.
There was a time I didn't want to tell anyone... I felt like it was my fault and I was humiliated and embarassed. Till I realized it wasn't MY choice for him to cheat. It was his. I had no responsibility in his choice to cheat.
Then I felt like I was telling everyone and anyone... even the UPS guy got an earful one day!
The pendulum swings and eventually rights itself to somewhere in the middle ground.
It is a process and sometimes that process isn't so clearly marked.
It's helpful for me to have an answer that doesn't leave the door open for more prying.