It's five months out for me and a year and a half after being abandoned. He left but I did not know OW or other cheating existed for a long time.
Yes, Waits, I feel as you do and actually asked on SI in another thread, what the heck is it that I mourn?
I suspect it's the changes thrust upon us as BS and it's a feeling for me of having the snot kicked out of my very being. I feel like someone beat me up physically and left me there on the ground.
I find the advice like "get a hobby"-it doesn't work because I can't concentrate.
What I find helps is being here on this website and knowing so many others have felt this way. I feel some pride if I can help anyone at all in any way.
Sunday nights are difficult for me as well, because DD goes visiting weekly and I used to and it got ripped out of my hands, without warning. It was part of my life for 20 years and now they are empty.
I tried all the pills you mention but got too loopy.
And I am unemployed but bury myself in online classes and tv and my perrennials.
I think your work is good outlet, for what it's worth. My father did it as well, after my mother abandoned him.
I don't have a ton of advice, but wanted to show empathy and let you know that there are others who feel as you do and are in similar spots.
My mind has been blown away with how much infidelity there is in life and it's just horrible.
I can offer something that helps me, even if only an iota. It is this: I spend time each day searching for things in life that I liked or knew before I even met STBX/"Perv" (Short for Disgusting Pervert).
It has helped me in immense ways to realize, that there was a life for me and there are other people in the world who don't even know him.
I've also taken a step back from life as I knew it and have become as basic as I can. I find Indians fascinating and am studying them, because they are basic people and many are happy that way. This whole entire thing has brought me to that kind of basic level, sort of ground up, if you will.
Another thing I've done or worked on during those periods of foggy depression are to appeal to my senses. I couldn't seem to reel in my wandering mind, so what is left? Our senses, raw and waiting for something to happen.
My brain seemed so far gone from reality that I couldn't figure out what day it was, and 9 days had gone by.
If you like or if anything I wrote helps, I can write more about what I did and do. I'm not a counselor or shrink, but am still alive.
I wish you well, and I wish you moments of peace and clarity that will soon grow, into stretches of time, much as the summer flowers opening in the garden that are keeping me upright.
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge