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Newest Member: doihavechoice (44727)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Dating blah blah
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
DOH!  Posted: 11:11 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want a relationship. How nice it would be to have a companion.

But there's that long, slow transition from dating someone to being in a relationship with that someone. You know, where you have to get to know each other, like each other, build respect and trust for each other, all that crap which I would rather assume is completely present after the first 5 minutes.

Transition times suck. Trouble is, the definition of transition is the time between transitions.

Maybe I'll get a dog instead. But I really don't like getting kissed by dogs.

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 11:14 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there an activity you enjoy doing? Maybe join a group (with lots of women) so that the transition time is filled with something fun.

That's about all I got. I feel the same as you and I think I've mentioned multiple times how I'm going to end up a crazy cat lady. Ok...maybe you shouldn't take my advice.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys know I'm being deliberately contrary, right?

Maybe it's the warm weather, I dunno, but dating is on my mind again. Problem is I get exhausted just thinking about it.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll think on the group activity thing...

Don't like cooking. Besides, I took a cooking class and I was 20 years older than everyone else.

Maybe some exercise class, but I doubt those end up being very social...


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you need a meditation class because your post is making me antsy reading how antsy you are!

I think having a presence around people as a start would help.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dog might actually be a good idea. Wild take some pressure off the dates.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are there any hiking groups in your area? The meetup group I belonged to in Phoenix was at least social in that we'd go for lunch after the hike, and there were always rest stops where everyone talked and sometime swapped snacks.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20031 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back to the coffee shop with you - OIAL!

I know exactly what you are saying though. I recognize that life as I'm living it doesn't not place me anywhere that I'm going to meet new people. Thankfully, I'm not feeling the desire to date - but it would still be nice to meet people and make some friends. The walls are pushing in.

I'm fairly easy going and can start up a conversation without a problem. But at work it is all married women and children. I've checked out Meetup - meh, nothing I'm keen on... only thing I can come up with is bowling. Maybe join a league in the Fall...

Now if there is a dog park near you - a dog might work. A good looking dog is a ice breaker. People tend to coo over dogs and conversations get started that way... You could call him Magnet! Then again traveling everywhere with a pooper scooper not so attractive...

[This message edited by Take2 at 6:55 AM, June 24th (Monday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm right there with you on the female side.

I have 4 dogs. They make me laugh, and they're great companions.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7564 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I had a dog, I was walking her all the time. She was the reason I lost a bunch of weight, stayed in shape... and met every one of my neighbors. She was a friendly and beautiful golden retriever that I adopted from the pound.

After X left and I would get angry she was my walking buddy... I would walk for miles and she would keep up.. just walk beside me until the anger melted away... then she would want to come home.

I joined dog obedience classes, and the dog park... I met a lot of people thru her.

Maybe I need a dog?


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5017 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
nutmegkitty
♀ Member
Member # 33882
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you like trivia? There is a meetup around me that is a trivia night. I think that would be soooo fun. Good way to hang out and chat.


me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."


Posts: 2589 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA
meaniemouse
♀ Member
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you want to meet women and exercise at the same time, sign up for a yoga class. I've been practicing for 6 1/2 years and the ratio of women to men in about every class I've ever had is 20:1.
And even if you don't meet anyone to date you will be super-flexible and be all inner peaceful-like. Namaste


Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2105 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Volunteer. No telling who you will meet, and you'll feel good about yourself no matter what. There are a million ways to volunteer.

eta to correct bad grammar Yeah, a grammar dork.

[This message edited by kernel at 6:19 PM, June 24th (Monday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5058 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dating is on my mind again. Problem is I get exhausted just thinking about it
I understand.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20368 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you want to meet women and exercise at the same time, sign up for a yoga class. I've been practicing for 6 1/2 years and the ratio of women to men in about every class I've ever had is 20:1.

Second this. Added bonus the one there is usually with a wife/gf so no competition, and the intermediate people love getting a chance to help beginners.


Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The exercise suggestion and volunteering suggestion are very good. As for which class to take you can pick any of them. No better conversation starter than being the new guy that keeps coming back for more. The exercise helps better your mood, overall health, and you get to meet people. If you are shy just keep going to the class eventually they will speak to you.

Volunteering works the same way. Find something you can actually get into and you are giving back to your community and meeting people at the same time.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1899 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Ms_Strong
♀ Member
Member # 30883
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All that process getting to know each other properly from just dating to a relationship is to me, scary and exciting! It's nerve-wracking because it might not lead to a relationship...or it just might.
I have to say it was emotionally tiring sometimes making that transition, but also fun to meet different people after being married for so long! I learnt a lot about myself while learning about another person, and am grateful that I had to go through all that again. See it for what it is, not what you don't have (yet) and learn from the journey. And take some joy from it!

[This message edited by Ms_Strong at 5:02 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]


Me: 40, happily divorced Dec11
D-Day #1 - 9th Jan 11, D-Day #2 - 13th Jan 11
Kids - 4, 8 yrs

Posts: 269 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 17

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