I used to think of it like this: At the end of the day, H and I would cuddle up next to each other in bed. I would take deep breaths and any anxiety from the day would melt away with every exhale. I knew I was with someone who would give his life for me and I for him. We were there for each other through thick and thin. Whatever "bad stuff" we were going through, we were going through it together. It was going to be all right no matter what because we had each other to help the other through it.
I don't feel that way any more. I no longer lean back against my husband and feel any of those feelings. I care for him and am supportive. But, I just don't feel this and can't seem to get it back. It feels hopelessly gone. Sometimes I think it was never there and I was fooling myself or was living some kind of unhealthy dependency. I rarely confide anything to my H; not the things that are truely important to me.
I am encouraged that there are couples that reach that safety spot with time and hard work. I think it is possible, but not for me.