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Newest Member: waugh (44311)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I getting all worked up about nothing?
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read a great line here recently. "Its not what he did do, its what he didn't do".

I hope your DH starts protecting himself, you and your M. It will be too late if he waits until it actually needs protecting.

I'm sorry you have to face any of this shit at all and I send you the strength to deal with whatever comes your way.

((hill))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5444 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
TrainerCarrie
♀ Member
Member # 14851
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would just have a frank conversation and nip it the bud. If he can't do that, you have a problem.

He knows your past. This is not behavior of a husband who values your feelings.

Ask him to stop all contact unless its for business purposes only.

If your spidey senses are tingling, you know something's wrong.


Sometimes giving up something you want is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Never, ever date your neighbor.


Posts: 2820 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Almost Heaven...West Virginia.
Mousse242
♀ Member
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However, I don't set up chats with male co-workers who may be emotionally vulnerable, and I certainly don't tell them we should've driven around in my sports car after lunch. THIS is where I feel things went south. Proof positive is she felt comfortable enough to drop a sexual joke.

This is the most troubling post. I would never suggest that to a co worker (current or ex). Lunch yeah, even talk of family and/or life events fine, but to suggest that was just way over the line.


Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hill, you married a man who was an OM. It doesn't matter if he thought they were divorcing (what AP doesn't use that excuse "um going to leave them" "we're getting divorced, blah, blah.". He has boundary issues and I'd say unless he had some counseling where he worked on the how's and whys of him being an OM, that he is still that person.

To simplify and answer your original question I'd just say that, no, you are not getting worked up about nothing. I would be keeping my eyes wide open if I were you. I wish you the best.


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, eyes wide open. *Sigh* I'm just disappointed I'm here.

When I learned he had once been an OM, I nearly broke it off. But we talked through it all, and I thought he understood his mistakes and how to avoid them in the future.

It's hard. He's a wonderful husband and father in so many ways... but boundaries are the issue he knows I am most concerned about as far as our marriage because of my history. And his. Yet this.

For now, I am going to try and stop perseverating over it and let things play out as they may. I won't hide my concern from him, as it still affects me from time to time when I get down thinking about it all... but this is not my ditch to die in, it's his.


Posts: 3147 | Registered: Sep 2006
UnexpectedSong
♀ Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she lied to him about the status of their marriage- he thought they were divorcing-

DH knew me while I was going through my divorce-

A week later, DH thinks she was down in the dumps and asks her to lunch. This time they go alone. She tells him she is separating from her H and he is moving out.

He has a thing for divorcing women, doesn't he?

Did his parents divorce and he stayed with his mother?


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6075 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indeed it seems he does.

No, his parents have been married for over 50 years. He is very close to his mother, though, which I've thought is a good thing.


Posts: 3147 | Registered: Sep 2006
ButterflyGirl
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Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have asked that he let me know about correspondence and that he not go to lunch alone, but I am done policing. I don't want to do it. I think at this point I have to trust that he'll figure it out, and if he doesn't, well, then I'll have to figure things out on my own end.

And if you don't do any policing, how are you going to know if he doesn't tell you? It sounds a little like you want to stick your head in the sand because you don't want it to be true. (You know, that thing we all did for years and years).

My advice would be to do some detective work. Then you can feel so much better and trusting of him because he came out clean. Or you will know the truth and be glad you found out what you are actually dealing with..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2005 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nah, I'm not sticking my head in the sand.

I've done what I can do. I immediately told him of my discomfort with the situation, asked him to stop seeing her alone and to forward any communication, and have talked about everything several times.

I do not want to be in the situation I was in with my first marriage- driving myself crazy trying to find evidence of XH's affair.

I can only tell DH how I feel, he makes his own decisions from there.

What I've come to learn is that I will be OK no matter what. I don't believe he is having an EA, but I think he was at the top of the slippery slope.

How will I know if he lies? Well, we all know the truth has a funny way of unearthing itself.

As I've said before, I have to trust that he will figure this out. If he doesn't, he does know that the marriage will be at serious risk.


Posts: 3147 | Registered: Sep 2006
Topic Posts: 29
Pages: 1 · 2

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