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User Topic: Whom do you judge more harshly, the WS or the OP?
♀ Member
Member # 34831
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, July 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I judge my husband.

There are always people with no ethics and who don't care about others. If my husband was willing to play their games why should they play moral advocate for his stupid sucker wife?

I judge him, he was the one who lacked respect for his marriage and for me. I can only judge him. And he told people that he was single or divorced. Why should they think otherwise.

DDay 12/02/2011
WH signed up for sleazy dating sites while working away for a month at a time. Discovered before any physical contact was made.

Posts: 231 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 3:15 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Initially I tried to lay all the blame at the feet of OW - she chased after him, she flirted with him, she was all over him... yada yada yada.

I now realise that was all part of the denial cycle I was in.

My eyes are now wide open. Yes OW is a bitch, what decent person knowingly pursues a married man with kids? BUT my fWH is the one who made vows to me, he's the one who was meant to have my back, he's the one who promised to love and honour me, it was HIM who betrayed me, not her.

BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1022 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely the WS. I displaced my some of my rage about the A on the OP in the beginning. But my WS made a decision to be completely selfish, dishonest, and exploitative. He made a conscious choice to become an adulterer and happily picked up all the baggage that entailed because he was dishonest with himself. He was unwilling to face his reality and threw away a 29 year M. Fortunately for the M, he is doing what he can to show remorse and build a new and better M. Time will tell. I can focus on the future realistically and I'm grateful for the choices he's currently making.

The OP made the choice to boink a married man and enjoyed the drama and bought his lies. The OP is damaged. The OP doesn't matter and could have been anyone with no boundaries.

Posts: 723 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I judge my WH#2 more harshly than I do the OW.. She was single and had nothing to lose. She knew he was married, but he knew what she was like because they had dated at one time. He had everything to lose, but choose her over me and his marriage. He lied to her and to me to cover up his A and to keep it going as long as he could. He liked the ego boost and sex and she thought he loved her and was leaving me. His betrayal of me and his marriage vows make it 100% his fault. She is just a pathetic middle aged woman looking in all the wrong places for Mr. Right to share her pathetic low life with. Like the other poster, I felt sorry for her and what he did to her at first, but now I wished she had his alcoholic ass. That would be have been the ultimate just deserves as far as I am concerned. They actually deserve each other and I have told him that. Of course he only wants me now that he knows he has lost my heart.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 44
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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