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User Topic: I'm going crazy today!
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so incredibly angry today. Again. I'm so hurt. I feel so stupid for trying to R with an asshole of a person. I think what a fucking idiot I am.

Bad day.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lib,

Your best bet is to give yourself lots of breaks. Let you be you, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

The fast way to recovery is to go slow. The slow way is to push yourself to go faster.

You're angry today, and you realize it? That's great!

(((libertyrocks)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9991 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs)))
False R is impossibly painful and drags the pain just that much deeper, I sometimes think worse than the original dday. I guess that depends but in any case, it sucks beyond belief.
I'm so sorry. I know, I hear you, I've been there.
While it feels like you are impossibly stupid, you aren't. You are a stronger person who's been trying to do the right and best thing all the while suffering still from wounds that take forever to heal. You meant your commitments on a profound level and you've shown it...you've shown how loyal, despite betrayal, you are.
He isn't you. You aren't stupid at all...you are worthy of the same as you've put out.
You are not stupid. You are priceless and should be valued as such.
I find it amazing that while someone is cheating, their partner is trying to be upstanding, noble and brave against often fierce assault...both from their beloved and their AP in many cases.
They are showing value in so many ways but they are so often left feeling worthless, ugly and dumb.
You aren't stupid for doing your very best. He is.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 254 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((libertyrocks)))

I know what you mean! I swear if it's not anger then it is depression and then it is like okay I can handle this and before I know it I am angry again

You meant your commitments on a profound level and you've shown it...you've shown how loyal, despite betrayal, you are.
He isn't you. You aren't stupid at all...you are worthy of the same as you've put out.
You are not stupid. You are priceless and should be valued as such.

I love this response. It helped me today too.

Were all here for you Liberty! Vent away!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Liberty,

Have you revisited the reasons why you ARE trying to R?

Are you moving toward something stronger and better between the two of you, or are you torturing yourself for a year? In all seriousness and gently here, if he's a lying, cheating, betraying asshole who causes you pain,,why are you still with him?


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 942 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. We talked last night and I told him I will not work on this M any longer. I still don't know WHEN he first slept with OW#1. He says he doesn't remember...To me, that's a bad sign. So he left. :) I am elated!!!

No mistake, yes, I was torturing myself over what he wouldn't tell me...

Thaks sisoon. You're awesome and always have words of wisdom.

Beautiful Empty, yes, I feel it's been DDay #1 dragging for 7 months...

Love you, crazy. We always seem to be in the same boat...

You're all awesome and I value you all so much.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 6

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